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Has anyone ever thought their bf/gf was cheating and it turned out they weren't?

doomedtowanderalone

By doomedtowanderalone
in General Relationship Discussion

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doomedtowanderalone Member

doomedtowanderalone

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Reposting here since I am not getting any responses in breakup section

I'm tired of reading online "if you have the feeling they are cheating, then it is 99% true" or some variation of that when I look up signs of people cheating. I don't want it to be true and, due to my life, I am already paranoid and have difficulty trusting people so I don't know how much I can trust my "intuition". So I am hoping people can tell me if they were ever convinced and felt sure their bf/gf/wife/husband was cheating and it turned out NOT to be true (as best you know).

 

God, I hope there are some

MyPoutine Established Member

MyPoutine

Posted
Posted

If the feeling comes from your own insecurity don't trust it. I have had feelings that a friend has betrayed me and ended up being dead wrong (sorry that's as close as I can get to this). If intuition was always right we wouldn't need to really discuss and ask questions we'd just intuitively know where a persons head was.

RachR Established Member

RachR

Posted
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Yes this happened to me. But I trusted my insecurity instead of intuition. My intuition, turns out, was right that something was wrong but it wasn't that he was cheating (he had been distant, was pulling away). I had been cheated on in the relationship before that one.

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doomedtowanderalone Member

doomedtowanderalone

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Yes this happened to me. But I trusted my insecurity instead of intuition. My intuition, turns out, was right that something was wrong but it wasn't that he was cheating (he had been distant, was pulling away). I had been cheated on in the relationship before that one.

 

If you don't mind my asking, what ended up being wrong if not cheating? My boyfriend is also distant

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doomedtowanderalone Member

doomedtowanderalone

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If the feeling comes from your own insecurity don't trust it. I have had feelings that a friend has betrayed me and ended up being dead wrong (sorry that's as close as I can get to this). If intuition was always right we wouldn't need to really discuss and ask questions we'd just intuitively know where a persons head was.

 

My insecurities are magnified by his actions that happen to be on the list of signs of people cheating e.g working long hours, being secretive with phone, checking email a lot but not in front of me.... etc. But he is very attractive and I don't really give him anything he couldn't get from someone else so I don't know why he would be with me if he were cheating. He could just be with her

newmoon Established Member

newmoon

Posted
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sadly, i too suffer from misplaced paranoia about cheating. i've never been cheated on but just the thought makes me nervous and i start to see signs where there are none. i would say to calm down... :-) unless this guy is a liar and has given you reason to doubt him in the past, then don't go looking at lists or for signs where there are probably reasonable explanations. no matter how attractive he might be, he is with you because there is something attractive about you as well... and doubts and insecurities are not attractive. i always suspect bf's of cheating on me - there is nothing wrong with being alert and aware.

RachR Established Member

RachR

Posted
Posted
If you don't mind my asking, what ended up being wrong if not cheating? My boyfriend is also distant

 

He was having doubts about the relationship.

aussietigerwolf Established Member

aussietigerwolf

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Yep, here too. It turned out he was having financial problems due to having lost his job at the time but didn't want to tell me for fear I'd dump him.

Cb3657 Established Member

Cb3657

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I have, more than once, had suspicions about girlfriends (when I was dating) and even my wife, to me the key was being completely transparent and asking the same from them. Ultimately you cannot force someone to be faithful so being suspicious does not help anything and being a investigator to your partner when nothing is happening is degrading to you both. If there are strong signs such as trying to hide messages and a insistence on privacy of communication or devices (which is actually secrecy) then you got a problem. If you see no real signs it may just be insecurity

Negative Nancy Established Member

Negative Nancy

Posted
Posted (edited)

There's no hard proof, but that doesn't mean anything...

 

Whenever I had the "gut feeling" or "intuition", it always turned out to be true - at least something was up or "weird".

 

being secretive with phone, checking email a lot but not in front of me.... etc.

 

these are always a sign that definitely something's up. if he isn't cheating already, he has at least met someone that he would like to "get to know better" :rolleyes: without your interference.

 

check his phone and his email - the end justifies the means, and the truth will set you free.

 

 

If you penalize someone for something they haven't done, eventually they may decide that since they're "doing the crime, they might as well do the crime."

 

yeah, nice excuse. :rolleyes: so if I accused you of pedophilia long enough, you would go out and seek out a child, according to your own words. :rolleyes:

 

my point is, if it's not morally in you, you won't do it no matter how many times you are accused of it. it's just a convenient excuse cheaters use. :rolleyes:

Edited by Negative Nancy
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