Where is this relationship going?

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I'm beginning to sense the double standards in my relationship. My boyfriend expects me to do so many thing and at first, I was willing to meet him halfway, but I'm beginning to sense how controlling he is.

 

One, he has jealousy issues. At first, it was cute to have someone who constantly thought about me, but whenever I would bring up something from my past ( even unintentionally) he would snap at me and think I'm comparing him to my exes. It has gotten to a point where I literally have to watch what I say.

 

I have no ill-wills and while I am not friends with anybody I'd dated, there is only one ex I keep in minimal contact with. I was previously in a bisexual relationship with a girl, and while we have broken up, we are still in good terms. I have no other thoughts about her except seeing her as a good friend and given that she lives out in Jersey, we've only kept in minimal contact minus the occasional holiday greetings. I told my bf this and he was very understanding.

 

She contacted me yesterday to meet for lunch friday ( she was in town for Thanksgiving) and while I was hesitant to meet up, out of politeness i decided to do so for old time sakes. I even broached the subject to my boyfriend who proceeded to make a big deal out of it and rather than going I decided to stay home.

 

I won't make this an issue because i understand where he is coming from, but there are little things that are begining to bother me. My social life is really limited outside of school and aside from my bf I don't really hang out with anyone. I rarely go anywhere without him either. In the beginning of our relationship he compared our relationship to his BFF's, and how his friend doesn't ever go anywhere without her bf. My bf expected me to do the same, and so far, three months in, I haven't done anything without him. Yet, I can't expect the same courtesy out of him. Granted, I did give him the go-ahead to go out without me, but I would think if he really cared for me, he has the heart to turn down his friends' invitations to be with me.

 

And tonight he's going out with a bunch of his friends while I'm home. He had invited but I don't want to go partying due to stomach cramps. I feel really ****ty he refuses to turn down his friend ( apparently his friend has bought him the ticket).

 

I think I would have been more understanding if he bothered to ask me about my wellbeing rather than blaming my pain on my menstrual cycle. I told him I haven't started my period yet, and he has known I've been getting cramps all week. The fact he chose to simply just state my pain on being a woman makes him seem so uncaring.

 

I brought up the issue that he was always complaining about being tired ( he's going partying tonight after work) and when he's always with me, he was always complaining about being tired. He had the audacity to tell me that it was because we hardly do anything aside from hanging out in this car and walking my dog, and that if we usually just party when we're together he wouldn't be tired.

 

That was just a slap in my face. To me, that just tells me he wants our relationship to always revolve around having a good time.

 

Im just really sad that he told me that. I am really having a hard understanding where this relationship is really going.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm surprised it's going anywhere - I thought you broke up?

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I'm surprised it's going anywhere - I thought you broke up?

 

We did, but we got back together to try to make things work. At first it went well, I was trying to work on myself and my anger issues. But it just seems like he used our breakup as leverage to get me to do everything he wants.

 

Im beginning to realize us getting back together was a mistake.

[todreaminblue]

Bringing up exes with a guy you are with is going to bring insecurity into his chain of thought....there should be no need other than telling him when you started going out with him about your past relationships out with the old in with the new.... ...no go zone..most guys would get snappy...fully understand the jealousy with previous bi partner..your boyfriend doesn't sound like the type to find it enjoyable to know female on female talk..... and whether that sex partner is male or female its an ex sex partner you don't go to lunch with them when in another relationship.....no go zone for most men.....

 

 

You do need to have a heart to heart with your boyfriend about lifestyle, especially with the way you are feeling....the partying, and that you are feeling resentful of his inconsiderate behavior concerning yoru cramps.....a guy wont know something is wrong unless you tell them they cant read minds, and if you explain how you are feeling if he is a caring and considerate person you guys should be able to come to some sort of compromise....relationships aren't easy and little niggles can turn into deal breakers if you let them fester....try not to let it fester too long, the sooner you voice your concerns, there wont be so many niggles to discuss if you decide to leave the talk for a later date.......leave it and they will build up .........which in fact could turn a discussion and meaningful talk into a full blown argument....I feel in your case prevention of an argument will achieve the best results...then you might see the relationship is fine you just needed to let your concerns out.......deb

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Bringing up exes with a guy you are with is going to bring insecurity into his chain of thought....there should be no need other than telling him when you started going out with him about your past relationships out with the old in with the new.... ...no go zone..most guys would get snappy...fully understand the jealousy with previous bi partner..your boyfriend doesn't sound like the type to find it enjoyable to know female on female talk..... and whether that sex partner is male or female its an ex sex partner you don't go to lunch with them when in another relationship.....no go zone for most men.....

 

 

You do need to have a heart to heart with your boyfriend about lifestyle, especially with the way you are feeling....the partying, and that you are feeling resentful of his inconsiderate behavior concerning yoru cramps.....a guy wont know something is wrong unless you tell them they cant read minds, and if you explain how you are feeling if he is a caring and considerate person you guys should be able to come to some sort of compromise....relationships aren't easy and little niggles can turn into deal breakers if you let them fester....try not to let it fester too long, the sooner you voice your concerns, there wont be so many niggles to discuss if you decide to leave the talk for a later date.......leave it and they will build up .........which in fact could turn a discussion and meaningful talk into a full blown argument....I feel in your case prevention of an argument will achieve the best results...then you might see the relationship is fine you just needed to let your concerns out.......deb

Thanks. We talked things out when he came to see me, and there were alot of crying involved. Yes, our lifestyles are very different, but also because of our background as well. We are working on our communication.

[Mme. Chaucer]

It seems that you tend to see things in your relationships in black and white. Either you are totally, madly in love, or you are raging and breaking up.

 

I don't have a feeling for what your relationship with this guy is like, but I will say that you will need to be learning how to go through disagreements, and even just getting to know the reality of another person without basically turning on them.

 

If you learn that you are not compatible, that is one thing and it's fine, even if it feels very sad. But making it into fighting and having a "bad guy" is not healthy. And it's leading you on a path away from ever having a person to really share your life with.