Optimisticasallways Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Hey so my fiancée has left me on the day of our wedding before this everything was fine but on the day of she says it was to much pressure she didnt wanna ruin my life and though she loves me felt like god was stoping her. Since then she has moved out n does not want to work things out. This is the second time she's moved out last time was six months earlier due to past problems in our relationship and she even dated another guy 2 weeks after we broke up but we have since worked on our problems so I'm Tryna understand giving that I addressed all the problems what would make her act this way and what can I do to get her back I love her so much and where best friends so I don't wanna lose her
KatZee Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 (edited) Let her go. I know this sucks, my friend went through this exact same thing a week before her wedding... but she left once, and she left again... it's clear this relationship/wedding is something she's having doubts about and you SHOULDN'T push her to marry you or be with you because you'd only be setting yourself up for future heartbreak or divorce. I think her excuse of "God is trying to stop this" is a load of s.hit and there has to be more to this than what she's saying. She either doesn't want to hurt you, or doesn't want you to find something out (another person). Show her what what life is going to be like without you in it. Don't chase her or pursue her. I'm sure things are going to have to happen, talking to vendors or the hall or church but that should be your extent of contact right now. You don't want to lose her but unfortunately you already have, I think you started losing her 6 months ago when she left you the first time. You deserve someone who WANTS to be with you, not someone who's constantly looking for a way out. Edited November 24, 2012 by KatZee 1
Author Optimisticasallways Posted November 24, 2012 Author Posted November 24, 2012 I'm trying to move on but it's hard I feel like bc she's suppose to be my wife I'm suppose to at least try to make it work but it's so hard accepting its over n I feel like she'll eventually realize her mistake n we can some how work this out
ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 I agree you need to let her go. This same thing happened to me as well. My fiancee left me about a year ago saying she did not know how she felt about me. Apparently, there was another guy there (He was long distance so not viable). After a few weeks of pleading and begging she decided to give me another shot. Fast forward a year later and the same crap happened again. This time for a guy here. This time I did not beg or plead (at least not after the first week). I just simply let her go. Moved on with my life and began to focus on me. In hind sight if I had let her go the first time I would have either a) let her explore and maybe just maybe she may find out that life was better with me or b) she would have realize that we weren't meant for each other thereby saving us both another year. Either way it would have been better for both of us. I know its hard but sometimes you have to do whats right by you. If she has done this twice then there are underlying issues there. You have to accept that and move on. Let her do what she needs to do. I know its cliche but if you love something you have to let it go....if it comes back then its meant to be (not that you may want her back at that point). Just focus on you and work on you for now. Good luck.
Author Optimisticasallways Posted November 24, 2012 Author Posted November 24, 2012 Is there any thing I could do to get her back or should I just give up hope
2sunny Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Why would you want to force a gal to be with you when she clearly doesn't want to? 2
Author Optimisticasallways Posted November 24, 2012 Author Posted November 24, 2012 Your right I can't force any one to be with me I just wish she'd realize how much she's giving up n the mistake she's making
moveONorStay Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Sounds to me like she has issues...right now you will be thinking that it has something to do with you but it's not. I would move on and find someone who really wants to be with you. As harsh as that sounds right now, this person is unstable and will cause you more heartache down the line if you let her.
ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Love is very counter intuitive. Right now there is NOTHING you can do to change her mind. The only thing you can do is give her the space and move on. I know it sucks. Let me play it out for you. If you chase her and keep pursuing her you will push her even further away. You may even push her past the point that she wants nothing to do with you. The only option you have right now is to leave her alone and bow out gracefully. If it makes you feel better you can write her a letter and ONLY one letter outlining your feelings for her. Keep in mind that this is for YOU and not for her. She already knows how you feel. You on the other hand feel like you want to do more to win her back. Trust me when I say this...there is NOTHING you can do to make her change her mind. I've been through this crap. I know it doesn't seem like it now but if you cut ties you will feel better in the long run. Trust me. I did it and i'm almost 2 mos post BU and I am so much further along then if I would have tried to keep in contact and begged etc. Do whats right by you and her and leave her be. Be strong. If you need to vent come her and vent we will be here to support you. Good luck.
soccerrprp Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Break up 6-months ago was a HUGE sign to hold off on wedding....sorry.
Indio Negrito Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 She isnt/wasnt ready bud...this is a blessing in disguise bro cause you're obviously ready for a commitment - just haven't forged the right partnership with someone willing to reciprocate what you're offering. You're the man....move on to better and brighter things.
NavyAirTraffic Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 I feel like bc she's suppose to be my wife Uhhhh..... but she's not!! and prob never will be and you should CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY!! -walked away/out on you twice -dated someone 2 weeks after Would you pet a dog that bit you twice? 2
Viper1 Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 You said she felt like "God was trying to stop her". That's a huge problem. Clearly, the girl has religious beliefs that make her believe her will is subordinate to God's. I'm not saying that's right or wrong but she is refusing to take responsiblity for her decision. What if after you're married she hears God say, after a routine spat, "I told you you shouldn't have married him." or "Divorce him."? Your real problem is not the girl but your lack of imagination. You seem unable to imagine the downside of what a marriage to a girl like this could be AND to make matters worse, at some level, you've come to believe you'll never find another girl you could love like this. The latter problem is the worse of the two but it's the way every human feels in the first stage of a breakup. I was living with a girl not knowing she was ENGAGED to someone else. The day came when she fairly begged me to forgive her, admitted her evil ways, promised never again to give me the equivalent of an emotional paper cut and I bought it. A mutual friend even told me she had said, "I'll never ever love anyone like she loved____________ (me). I took the bait again but at least had the sense to wait before getting engaged. She had, in that time, become an even more masterful cheat and had by my count cheated with FIVE other guys and covered her tracks so well not even Sherlock Holmes would have been on to her. When I found out I was an absolute wreck. I couldn't imagine how I'd ever get past the pain. Fast forward three months. Not only had the pain subsided but I was thankful I had slipped my head out of the noose and I swear to you, if we met today I would thank her for breaking it off because in time I met someone else who is perfect for me, who I never have to worry about cheating even if she says she's meeting an ex-classmate from college (or a former boyfriend who is in town) for coffee. It's reassuring when the ex boyfriend has married but again, it's like the expression goes: "When the angels depart, the archangels arrive." Here's a scientific fact: if it's older than 90 days, the brain doesn't want anything to do with it. Our brains are too busy geting us through the day without trying to sort out something that happened three months ago. If we're still miserable about a breakup that happened 91 days ago it's because we're reopening the wound like picking at a scab. Let her go. Until you can feel real gratitude that you may have been spared much more misery by being in a marriage that was doomed to crash and burn, fake it. Eventually you'll feel real gratitude, you'll own your soul again, and you can move on and find the one who is the real deal. 1
Author Optimisticasallways Posted November 24, 2012 Author Posted November 24, 2012 thanks for the advice you guys are right i need to let her go n lose any hope of her coming back as hard as it is to say she does not have my back or best interest and if she did come back id only be setting myself up for heart break i dont think its anything she can do to fix how much this hurts even if she came back
Ladydrib Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Hey so my fiancée has left me on the day of our wedding before this everything was fine but on the day of she says it was to much pressure she didnt wanna ruin my life and though she loves me felt like god was stoping her. Since then she has moved out n does not want to work things out. This is the second time she's moved out last time was six months earlier due to past problems in our relationship and she even dated another guy 2 weeks after we broke up but we have since worked on our problems so I'm Tryna understand giving that I addressed all the problems what would make her act this way and what can I do to get her back I love her so much and where best friends so I don't wanna lose her I'm sorry for your pain. Don't try to get her back. If she really wants to be with you she will come back. She knows that she is the one who left. If you chase her you run the risk of her staying with you out of either guilt or confusion or both. Neither if which is the reason she 'should' be with you. She should only be there if she wants to. And here is the problem with her staying for any other reason: if she did, you'd get either dumped again or cheated on or live in a relationship where she is not happy with you, or a mix of any or all three of those possibilities. That is a very bad place to be, especially when it eats away at years of your life and you have to pay a bunch of money and go through major legal and emotional headaches to get a divorce. Let go. Just let go of her. She did you a favor. You don't want to invest that much in someone who is at best so unsure of your future together that she has broken it off with you twice already. Trust me. You must go through the pain of the loss. You will get to a better place. You will.
Ladydrib Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Is there any thing I could do to get her back or should I just give up hope Absolutely give up hope.
Ladydrib Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 thanks for the advice you guys are right i need to let her go n lose any hope of her coming back as hard as it is to say she does not have my back or best interest and if she did come back id only be setting myself up for heart break i dont think its anything she can do to fix how much this hurts even if she came back Time will take care of it. But only if you let go.
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