delilah.baggins Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 (This is a little on the long side, sorry, I have a tendency to ramble.) Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year. He adores me and says that he's never been in a relationship like this before and thinks we're going to be together forever. I believe him, and I feel the same way. There's this ex of his (from seven years ago) that has been constantly sending him flirty facebook messages for the past four months telling him about how she remembers about the first night they got together and how she misses him and how she wishes that he never moved away because she wanted to see where this goes, blah, blah, blah... She's actually pretty pathetic. I didn't think much of it at first. There have been plenty of girls that hit on my boyfriend via facebook before this. I actually find it kind of funny, and he is very open about it with me when it happens. I've had a few men hit on me and whatnot during the course of our relationship and have always told him when it happens as well. I would never cheat on him, and he tells me that he would never cheat on me (and I do believe him.) But this girl just won't leave him alone. She's getting progressively more aggressive (hey that rhymes!) calling him all the time (like, ten times in a row, then from an “unknown” number for a few times) and facebook messaging him constantly. She will like everyone of his posts on facebook and put comments like “sup sweetness?” or “what's going on beautiful?” when she CLEARLY knows he has a girlfriend. My boyfriend even told me that she recently called him one night drunk begging him to come over a f*** her (his words.) That's what really set me over the edge. I don't care if girls flirt with my boyfriend, but when someone is calling him up, begging him to come over for a booty call, it honestly makes me want to find where she lives and beat the s*** out of her. I am not usually a violent or confrontational person. I don't even like to talk to my boyfriend on facebook anymore and get distant and bitchy, because I know that she's probably there talking to him at the same time as me, about when they were “together”. My boyfriend will even tell me when we're messaging, “Oh my God, she's talking to me again, why won't she LEAVE ME ALONE?” I tell him that maybe he should be blunt and tell her to f*** off. It's also bugging me that he's not telling her off, that he just “goes along” with her messages. My boyfriend is an openly flirty sort of person (towards women and men, haha) and it never really bothers me, because I trust him. I don't trust HER. Quite frankly, she sounds a little psychotic how she's facebook stalking him. I don't know how to tell my boyfriend how much this is bugging me. I feel like there's some wedge in our relationship now because of it (I don't know if he notices this or not because he has not mentioned anything.) I don't know if I should tell him how upset it makes me, or maybe compare it to how he would feel if my ex was doing the same thing. He had a very controlling ex before me that told him that he couldn't talk to certain girls and I don't want to be that sort of girlfriend. I think he likes the attention he's getting from it because I told him that it bothered me one night when we were both drunk and she wouldn't stop calling him, and he just said it was “cute how I was getting jealous.” So maybe he wants to get a rise out of me? Maybe he wants to see something happen because it'll turn him on. I've never reacted like this to anything else before, so maybe he would like to see me a bit rattled to “boost his ego”. I don't know how men work. Anyways, I just don't know what to do. I've considered sending her a facebook message (under a different name than mine) telling her to back off. Or should I tell my boyfriend how uncomfortable this is making me? I've never met this chick face-to-face, if I did I would seriously give her a piece of my mind and if she tried anything around my boyfriend I would punch her lights out. (And like I said, I am not very violent, but even thinking about this right now is making me want to rage out.) Also, he's 27 and I'm 22, so this isn't like some little high school drama thing. We have a very healthy relationship and are very open about most things. We trust each other and aren't clingy or needy. I rarely get jealous when I hear about other women flirting with him (it bothered me a little at first, but now I can just laugh at it) but this girl is getting on my last nerve.
Sporty Girl Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 If I were you I would make up a fake profile, or better yet try and get on to your boyfriend's Facebook if you can, and pretend to be him wanting to meet her. Then when you meet her face to face give her your piece of mind. I once did this with a freind of mine. She met up with the chick that was hounding her man, except my friend punched her out. Try not to get that far with her.
freestyle Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Bottom line---this is continuing because your bf is ALLOWING it to. He needs to shut that crap down, decisively--with no mixed messages. If he's responding and communicating with her back & forth--it's very disrespectful to your relationship. Don't bother with her--it's your bf who needs to examine his boundaries, and take a long ,hard look at what message is being conveyed by his actions. The fact that this has been going for four months , is ridiculous. You have every right to be upset about this going on. He actually said it was "cute that you're getting jealous" ?!?!? I would view a remark like that as condescending, demeaning, and showing little regard for my feelings, and my peace of mind. I'd find it insulting. There IS a wedge now---that your bf created. He's triangulating. If he gets you jealous--then you might cater to his needs more. (jump through higher and higher hoops) He's setting up a situation where you have to compete. He's playing games with your feelings, either to boost his own ego, to control you, or because it amuses him. So his ex was controlling? She didn't want him talking to certain girls? Gee...I wonder why........... (connect the dots to his current behavior, & how he labeled her) It could be very eye-opening to hear HER side of the story--(the recent ex, not the one who's been flirting with him) 1
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