justinxm3 Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I've been talking to a young lady for a few months now. She's really hot and cold, sending strong signals some days then some she's just really distant. Anyway, recently she went cold again, and I had to end contact with her all together, it's only been 4 days so who know what will eventually happen. Here are some text messages that have me confused, maybe you guys can help me understand what she was trying to say. Her: It sucks because I don't want to get too close to you because I'm scared...to hurt you but i also know that I need you. Me: I understand I will give you your space. Her: Yeah, when I went hiking I realized that I want you, but then I feel like what if I make another mistake and we both get hurt. (Not sure what she meant here,sorry for her grammar mistakes but this is how she sent the text) Her: One side of me wants to run, hug, and kiss you and I want to hear that everything is going to be OK, but the other half tells me that i need to be a big girl and face my fears. Me: Understandable. Nobody wants to get hurt but it really is a gamble, you don't know how things will turn out. Her: True. But I'm scared. She just recently told me we should be just friends...2nd time she has done this. But it seems like she wants me to talk to her the same way i had been when i was pursuing her (hours on the phone, text messages daily, every few hours, Good morning/Goodnight messages) That's not something I can do if it's not going anywhere between us. My biggest question though is, what did she mean by "i know that i need you"?
tori0001 Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I can tell you from my personal experience I did exactly what she's doing to my current bf for a while, because I also had a fear of getting hurt. Some days I would answer his texts right away, some days not until a couple hours later. He also did the same to me.
tori0001 Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I never said anything to him, I just went between hot and cold, so did he, up until a month ago when we became official.
iiiii Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Jag's right. She's either playing you (i.e. enjoying the drama and attention but not wanting to commit), or she has genuine issues. And if she has genuine trust or commitment issues, she won't make you a good girlfriend - she needs to be single for a bit and sort her head out. Personally, if I were you, I'd put some of the responsibility back onto her shoulders. I'd call her or text her, and say something like: "I'm really into you, and think we could have an awesome relationship. But I understand you're a bit scared. Why don't you take a few days to think about it, and let me know if you want a relationship with me. I'm keen to put 100% into this if you are, but don't want to push you into anything you're not ready for. I'll wait for you to call me". Then don't contact her. If she's worth it, she'll contact you. If she's just playing you, she won't.
truth_seeker Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 I have to agree with iiiii. She seems like a mess right now and needs to sort things out. Write her a nice, succinct message so she knows you respect her boundaries but also let her know where you stand. Then it will be up to her to be a "big girl", face her fears, and contact you. After you send this message, you should consider it as closure and do your best to move on.
todreaminblue Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 I am scared and anxious in a lot of situations that includes dating, i still go through with whatever i am scared of if i am in the right frame of mind....i do have issues and sometimes they do have an effect on me....normally in new or different situations....doesn't mean i am going to hurt someone or cant commit....i am not a game player or seeking attention or about to stab someone in the back....i get anxiety.anxiety causes fear...lots of people do and maintain healthy loving relationships.....it took me weeks to ask my ex out and when i did ......i stuttered my way through it.....told him i was scared....he made me relax.......i was in that relationship fro fifteen years...no stabbing on my side.. recently scared crapless i told someone i had feelings for them and i still do....no stabbing a back there either..i just need to take it slow with guys who have enough understanding to know what type of person i am....and the fact i have had massive trauma in my life...doesnt make me a flake ....it makes me a survivor with anxiety.........its ridiculous to state people who get scared and anxious when starting a new relationship don't make good girlfriends or boyfriends.....some might not..but some are quite capable... everyone has issues....and no one on this planet is perfect......a bit of compassion never goes astray....in dealing with people who have anxiety...its a debilitating condition that should not make someone redundant or discounted what should happen is to understand its a condition and not a choice to feel and a touch of patience comes in handy.....deb
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