She want's to be just friends...again. Mixed signals!

[justinxm3]

About 3 weeks ago, a young lady I had been talking to for a few months became more than just friends. Shortly after she threw out the line "let's just be friends" I told her, alright, but that i couldn't just continue to talk to her all the time because i have actually developed feelings for her. I basically told her to give me time, and hopefully we really could be just friends. 4 days of no contact go by and she messages we with a bland message "Hey" I regretfully reply back and we talk at the gym (where i met her) later that day. I didn't plan on talking to her much that day, but she wouldn't let me go. Eventually we get to the important details and she says she wants things to move slower, i give in.

 

Last week she does the same thing again. This time instead of telling her again that i cant just be friends with her at this time, I just decide to ignore her because she should know by now what i meant the first time i told her. (I need time to rid my feelings for her if possible at all and i cant do it if she's around me all the time) Should I have explained to her again?

 

 

It's only been 4 days since she has last contacted me.

 

Text Message:

Her: Nov 17 8:08am Good Morning

Her: Nov 17 8:08am It smells so good after the rain

Her: Nov 17 8:57pm I guess your're being mean to me again okay

Her: Nov 18, 7:47am Good Morning

Her: Nov 18 1:41pm (Video) of scenery of a hike she went on Nov 17th

 

Me: Nov 18 2:05pm Sorry

Me: Nov 18 2:05pm It looks like it was a nice day to hike.

 

Her: Nov 18 2:49pm (Video) More footage of her hike.

Her: Nov 19 12:07pm Boo!!

 

I know i messed up by replying to her message on the 18th, but i got an extreme feeling of guilt for some reason. Not only that, but when she said I was being mean to her, that upset me. It made me feel as though she wasn't aware of my feelings at all the first time.

 

 

Anyway, My questions are:

 

Should I have explained to her a second time that i cant continue to talk to her all the time if i have feelings for her?

 

I will eventually run into her at the gym soon, how should i react?

 

Was I being mean to her by ignoring her texts?

[iiiii]

You're going to need to clarify what she wants.

Does she ultimately want to date you but wants to take things slowly to start with?

Or does she ever only want to be friends with you?

 

I'm thinking it's the second - she probably quite enjoys the attention you give her, and the feeling of being desired, but doesn't actually want you (now or later). In that case, best to ignore her and move on.

[Mrlonelyone]

One great truth about feelings is that they change and change back. Personally I don't think that people really know how they feel about someone on a given day or how they will feel tomorrow.

 

As my mother puts it, there is an ebb and flow to relationships. No one feels exactly the same way as the other, it's unrealistic. There are days she really loves dad and days she dosen't but she knows that underneath it all there is a real bond there. It took years to get that bond.

 

You and her are at an early stage. However, that she dosen't really know what she wants and that what she wants probably changes on a given day, still applies. The same goes for you, you did still talk to her hence you wanted to talk.

 

It would be nice if relationships worked in a logical and linear fashion but they don't.

[todreaminblue]

I think ignoring texts on purpose with out the other person knowing why you are ignoring isnt mean but it isn't nice either....its not caring......especially if its a couple of ignored texts...i think you should come clean and be honest with her why you are going no contact, like the other poster said ask what she wants...clarify where the relationship stands so you know...obviously she is texting you because she wants to keep in contact with you, if she clarifies it is as friends you can then tell her what you need to do to only be friends, as you do want to take it further than friendship, so, you need some space to deal with that...if she says to you, i do want to date you can we take it slow, the ball is in your court if that is what you want to do....good luck.....deb

[bob the brave]

I think it is clear there is a miscommunication going on. Friendship, time and space can mean different things to different people. You obviously care for this girl maybe more than she realizes.

 

I will emphasize what other posters have already said. Basically, for things like this in life you have two choices next time you see her in the gym:

 

1) Relax! Stop analyzing and just enjoy the fact that some beautiful girl has taken interest in you at any level. For a while, let her drive and see where she takes you. Have NO expectations. Just enjoy the small things. Seems like crap advice, I know, but we often screw things up trying to fit life into our expectations. Let go, at least for a while.

 

2) Go the opposite way. Lay down the rules and tell her how you feel and what you need from her regarding time, space and affection.

[phineas]

From the op in his post:

 

I told her, alright, but that i couldn't just continue to talk to her all the time because i have actually developed feelings for her. I basically told her to give me time, and hopefully we really could be just friends.

 

If this is what he told her, then he made the situation very clear.

 

She is the one who keeps seeking his attention.

 

I've fallen into the backwards trap of being just friends & taking it slow after THEY come on strong.

 

I don't like that place.

Therefore I refuse to go backwards with a woman.

[RachR]

I think you made yourself clear on where you stood with things. I don't think there's any hope for a future with her after she told you she just wanted to be friends. That's a kiss of death. She still wants your companionship but only as friends. No you weren't mean, because you've told her what you think about this situation already. Don't feel guilty to drop her altogether if that's what you need to do. If you feel like it's dating or nothing, nothing wrong with that.