themrs Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Well hi everyone. " weeks ago my hubby and i parted ways, simply because i am mrs flip top head at times and he seems to be fed up with it. I understand so am taking an online anger management course and its great. Our lives are pretty simple, he is trying to build a new business. I work upto 60 hours a week. Sex was routine, and going out was on the back burner. However he is staying with family and i am home. I asked him to come back but he said i that i should change before he decides. So ok I am trying, i am taking away all his stress of this place by sorting out household bills, and giving him space chatting only by email. he never say i love you, or send s a x at the end of emails yet i do. I am making the effort to see him this weekend , want to dress up and have some fun with him but i get the feeling he doesnt realkly care ! i ask him when u coming ack, he just says i am learning the easy way by him not being here? im so confused i dont want to say will u ever be back, just in case he runs more. what do i do ?
aMguilts Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Well hi everyone. " weeks ago my hubby and i parted ways, simply because i am mrs flip top head at times and he seems to be fed up with it. I understand so am taking an online anger management course and its great. Our lives are pretty simple, he is trying to build a new business. I work upto 60 hours a week. Sex was routine, and going out was on the back burner. However he is staying with family and i am home. I asked him to come back but he said i that i should change before he decides. So ok I am trying, i am taking away all his stress of this place by sorting out household bills, and giving him space chatting only by email. he never say i love you, or send s a x at the end of emails yet i do. I am making the effort to see him this weekend , want to dress up and have some fun with him but i get the feeling he doesnt realkly care ! i ask him when u coming ack, he just says i am learning the easy way by him not being here? im so confused i dont want to say will u ever be back, just in case he runs more. what do i do ? Hello themrs First thing you need to realise is you are not responsible for his happiness or his wellbeing. Your his wife. You are not his mother or indeed are you his slave.. What do you do? The complete opposite of what you are doing now. Your are chasing him all over the relationship. What does every man need? To feel like a man So make him feel like he`s not a man anymore. Say to him " Your right. I don`t need you in my life. I`m going to be better off without you in it". Then you cut him off, he`ll come sniffing i will bet my house on it. When he does come sniffing , ignore it some more. Wait until you have him howling at your back door. By that time, you will have moved on and be happy without him. I`m fast forwrding maybe, maybe not. keep posting, best wishes aM
bvelvet Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 I'm not sure I totally agree with aMguilts. I think it's ok for him to ask you to work on some things as long as he does the same.
Gunny376 Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Hello themrs First thing you need to realise is you are not responsible for his happiness or his wellbeing. Your his wife. You are not his mother or indeed are you his slave.. What do you do? The complete opposite of what you are doing now. Your are chasing him all over the relationship. What does every man need? To feel like a man So make him feel like he`s not a man anymore. Say to him " Your right. I don`t need you in my life. I`m going to be better off without you in it". Then you cut him off, he`ll come sniffing i will bet my house on it. When he does come sniffing , ignore it some more. Wait until you have him howling at your back door. By that time, you will have moved on and be happy without him. I`m fast forwrding maybe, maybe not. keep posting, best wishes aM Mrs Gunny or ANY wonan tries that approach with me? She KNOWS ! I'M NOT ALREADY GOING? I'M GONE! JUST THAT PLAIN! JUST THAT SIMPLE! There won't be second chances, "My bad!" I don't have the time to play high school sophormoric games! I'll not be an emotional slave to any woman. You do THATwhich you fear most, and then the courage comes afterwards! That's how it is! That's how it works! I won't beg any woman to be with me, nor let me love her! I may end up regretting it later in life? But only Jack Daniels, George Jones, and a Fred Flinstone jelly drinking glass and I will ever KNOW of it! I don't do "threats" and I don't do ultimatims! You threaten me? You deliver an ultimatim to me? You'd best have the balls to back it up with! I WILL GO DEFCOM IV ON YOUR HAPPY AZZ IN A HEART BEAT ~ QUICK, FAST AND IN A HURRY LIKE! There's no shortage of women in this world. What ONE will abuse! ANOTHER can certainly use! If crying couldn't make her stay? It certainly won't make her come back! The first and only XHEX got away with what she did ONLY because I let her! She thinks she "played me, but I manned up, "took one for the team" ~ for my <10 year old kids. I did what I had to do for them and what was right! What God wrote on my heart of hearts as being right and righteous the day I was born. And I'll do what is right should it ever come down to it again. 2
Cb3657 Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 If you really want to stay together you will just have to continue to work on yourself. Really if my wife had a anger problem to the point that I felt I had to leave for either safety or mental health reasons, Then after I leave she says ok I will deal with this, takes a online course in anger management then says "I am better, come on home" I would be very wary. This is your issue, if you want to fix the relationship he has to see proof that there is a dedicated response to dealing with your anger, not a single online course. Show him a plan to continue to work on this, not a statement, real activities. Use some tactics for him to be able to tell you when you are moving to out of control anger, safe words etc that he can say that you commit to stop when he says them. If this is really about your anger he is likely feeling a lot like a abuse victim, he needs to see your serious
revitup Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 GUNNY says, You do THATwhich you fear most, and then the courage comes afterwards! That's how it is! That's how it works! I won't beg any woman to be with me, nor let me love her! I may end up regretting it later in life? But only Jack Daniels, George Jones, and a Fred Flinstone jelly drinking glass and I will ever KNOW of it! I don't do "threats" and I don't do ultimatims! You threaten me? You deliver an ultimatim to me? You'd best have the balls to back it up with! I love the wisdom ,also the "jelly jars" were all we had in my childhood,except the Mason jars! Gunny is spot on,there can be no bravery or courage in the absence of fear.No woman will respect a pushover,not for long anyway.Women need men who are confident and decisive.Women can't love a man they don't respect. Respect yourself. Stand your ground.
SuperGeek Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Just FYI, my ex tried your approach and we are now divorced and will probably never talk to each other again. When a person decides to _leave_ and walks out on someone (male or female) it destroys trust and that trust is very hard to earn back, depending on how much pain the other has suffered. After about a year of it I was fed up and started healing from the whole mess and decided I could do better than to waste my time on someone that is constantly wishy washy about being together. Then after her lover of 8 months (he was a total downgrade too) left her she tried to come back and I showed her the door. It is my belief that if you want to work on your marriage, separations are very risky and if there is any talk/evidence/proof of the other person dating someone else, just get divorced immediately as they have already moved on. Now in the OPs post, she says her husband is living with family and so he might just be trying to make a point that things need to change. I personally think he shouldn't have left, but that's just me, but I don't know the OPs situation. I will say from a male point of view that when a woman leaves, it's usually way too late to fix anything, and usually they are running into the arms of another man. That has been my experience at least. OP, just work on you and improve yourself. Give it a good amount of work and time and see if things improve. If not then you have other options to consider. SuperGeek Hello themrs First thing you need to realise is you are not responsible for his happiness or his wellbeing. Your his wife. You are not his mother or indeed are you his slave.. What do you do? The complete opposite of what you are doing now. Your are chasing him all over the relationship. What does every man need? To feel like a man So make him feel like he`s not a man anymore. Say to him " Your right. I don`t need you in my life. I`m going to be better off without you in it". Then you cut him off, he`ll come sniffing i will bet my house on it. When he does come sniffing , ignore it some more. Wait until you have him howling at your back door. By that time, you will have moved on and be happy without him. I`m fast forwrding maybe, maybe not. keep posting, best wishes aM
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