Still coping with my ex and how he left me

[Sweett]

Havent been here in a few months because I thought I had it figured out and thought I was ok... but I still struggle with my ex leaving me July last year for another girl. We were together 2 years but i'd known him ( well thought I did) since high school so about 16 years and we reconnected in 2009 at a reunion and started dating and began a relationship until 2011. The way he left me and the lies still seem fresh with me. He called me and broke up with me by phone during work saying it wasnt working and he basically wanted some time to himself. I had caught him with another girl at his house a month before he did this and i asked him was he leaving me for her and he said he wasnt. I know a lot of you are saying why didnt u leave him when u caught him with the other girl. I know I should have and i felt this is what he wanted me to do but I loved him and did not want to be without him. I asked the girl at his place how long they'd been talking and she said a few months....I told him what she said and he said she was lying as he had only been back from Iraq for a few weeks. At first I believed him but as time went on it looks like she was telling the truth becuase I found out in May there were engaged. I also think while he was deployed he kept in touch with her through email and Facebook. I think their relationship started about 6 monnths before he actually left me. His friends (2 of which work with her)introduced them at a cookout that i wasn't invited to because i was told it was a guy thing. He took an interest to her and was communicating with her behind my back while distancing himself from me...arguing not listening always angry with me. I keep asking myself what did i do to cause this? everyone says not to blame myself but why does he get a blessing from GOd by way of marriage and i get left to suffer which feels like punishment from God. I think this girl knew I was with him and I can only wonder what he had been telling her about me but she wanted him bad!!. I honeslty think he was telling her he didnt love me and he wanted to be with her so after a while she got to the point where she may have told him to choose which is why he left me. I cannot for the life of me understand why this girl who knew he was involved kept pursuing him? If that were me I wouldn't want anything to do with someone whos involved wheter the relationship is good or bad and if i had seen another girl pop up I'd say well wait a minute he must have some baggage so I'll step back...but not this girl. Or maybe he told her he had already left me way before he actually did. Who knows but for some reason I cannot stop blaming myself? Every since this I feel like a failure I feel inadequate, I'm moody I've been to counseling and they tell me this wasnt the guy for me and I should not continue to beat myself up but I cannot get that through me head. I feel like she took him from me and that he realy didn't give our relationship a chance. Please Help!

[Steadfast]

She didn't take him away, he took himself away. Unless she had a gun?

 

In my opinion, people give the other person way too much credit. For whatever reason, he allowed this woman to tempt him. For all you know, he instigated it. Not every woman is aggressive (or loose) enough to act first. Whatever the case, he allowed it to happen. The betrayal is on him.

 

The relationship meant more to you than him. It happens. The good news? All of this occurred before you got married and had children. For this, you should be very, very grateful. He showed his true colors before the ring.

 

Chalk this one up to experience. I know you love and miss him, but look at what they have: She has a man that she knows will cheat, and he has a woman that shows little to no respect for another couple's relationship. Bottom line? Neither will ever fully trust the other. They have bad history.

 

You don't. You are free to pursue happiness and the man you deserve.

 

Finally, this 'blessing' of marriage has nothing to do with God. Translated from Greek, the word blessing means 'to speak well of'. Man has twisted the word to mean something else...like a gift bestowed. I have studied the bible extensively and in my opinion, God allows people to do what they want...good or bad. After Jesus' death and resurrection, God's dealings with man ended. The promise and prophecy was fulfilled. No control.

 

We go to God to be with Him, through Christ, the church. Not the other way around. Like your ex, we all have freewill. Take advantage of yours!

[Sweett]

Thanks! This helps.

[Sweett]

She didn't take him away, he took himself away. Unless she had a gun?

 

In my opinion, people give the other person way too much credit. For whatever reason, he allowed this woman to tempt him. For all you know, he instigated it. Not every woman is aggressive (or loose) enough to act first. Whatever the case, he allowed it to happen. The betrayal is on him.

 

The relationship meant more to you than him. It happens. The good news? All of this occurred before you got married and had children. For this, you should be very, very grateful. He showed his true colors before the ring.

 

Chalk this one up to experience. I know you love and miss him, but look at what they have: She has a man that she knows will cheat, and he has a woman that shows little to no respect for another couple's relationship. Bottom

line? Neither will ever fully trust the other. They have bad history.

 

You don't. You are free to pursue happiness and the man you deserve.

 

Finally, this 'blessing' of marriage has nothing to do with God. Translated from Greek, the word blessing means 'to speak well of'. Man has twisted the word

to mean something else...like a gift bestowed. I have studied the bible

extensively and in my opinion, God allows people to do what they want...good

or bad. After Jesus' death and resurrection, God's dealings with man ended.

The promise and prophecy was fulfilled. No control.

 

We go to God to be with Him, through Christ, the church. Not the other way

around. Like your ex, we all have freewill. Take advantage of yours!

 

 

Thanks, this helps. I just feel like an idiot sometimes, I know this wasn't right but I keep trying to find a way to blame myself which I've got to stop doing.

[Steadfast]

Thanks, this helps. I just feel like an idiot sometimes, I know this wasn't right but I keep trying to find a way to blame myself which I've got to stop doing.

 

I understand. I was married for 17-years to a woman I loved dearly. When she cheated, then left to be free the destruction to my pride and our family was devastating. I blamed myself for a lot of it. I had to know why. If I was the reason, at least I gain the comfort of not making the same mistakes again. But that doesn't work. When we love, we open ourselves up to risk. The same things that make love so wonderful makes us hurt when it ends.

 

If perfection was required for successful relationships, there wouldn't be any relationships.

 

It wasn't right, or fair, but life isn't fair. Anyone can be happy and carefree when things are going their way. The true test of character is how we act when they aren't. Someday, you'll look back and be thankful he's gone.