Sensible or Not?

[Indio Negrito]

Hi Friends,

 

I wanted to get your opinions on sending out this letter to my ex as I'm in a good place now, stronger than ever, but still feel that mis-communication destroyed our great relationship.

 

We were both strong personalities.Even though I broke up with her (I wanted to start a family but she was more concerned with her dramatic single mother/playboy sister who'd hold her emotionally hostage cause I do well, a socialite and wanted my lover to be with me everywhere I went globally) I have some apprehension (cause she always told me id be second) but think that maturity sense will prevail on both sides as we were good together.

 

Here Goes...

 

E,

 

Thanks for acknowledging my last email and apology.

 

I’ve been thinking if responding to you would make any difference in your perspective and figured since I still have feelings for you and don’t care how stupid, hopeless or pathetic my effort is to you - I just want you to know that I still love you.

 

If you don’t feel the same, I’m obviously not standing in your way of other relationships but please know I’ve spent a year trying to figure out how to come back in your arms with no opportunities from you for face or phone time.

 

When I ran into your mom at the grocery store, she laughed at me when I asked about you so please know that I have tried in humility to earn my way back.

 

I can appreciate the level of distrust and animosity you must have towards me but to not speak to me or give me a chance to restore what we had really hurts both of us as I believe in my heart that our intentions were always sincere and mine are still real.

 

Im sure your friends, like my own, have convinced you it just wasn’t meant to be but I’m not sure because we were beautiful together.

 

We both had communication problems in ensuring our respective needs are acknowledged and respected and though I was more of the culprit in not making things easy – I was capable of adapting and learning. I would never harm a single hair on your body and to know you made me feel like I was a threat – hurt beyond words can describe.

 

I messed up in getting jealous that night hearing you were taking heed to another man’s advice and got so angry since this was the first time I've ever heard of this 'guy'. I’m not sure how others would’ve handled it but in my mind at that moment – it came across to me as a big F U and I reacted.

 

Looking back – we both argued over silly things that could’ve been avoided if we focused on why we’re together in the first place – which was mutual love and admiration.

 

I should never have wasted our time on abstract matters such as spirituality, family roles and achieving wealth and greatness but enjoyed the journey you wanted me to share with you as great friends, a couple, husband and wife, and father and mother to our twin boys. ;o) (hehehehe*nervous laugh)

 

It will be a year soon since I’ve seen you and am asking you, the woman who helped groom me into the man I now am, to consider giving me my place back.

 

I believe that you know I love you, can, have and will love/respect your family and hope we can both look back one day and laugh at the tribulations we went through to be a unified and strong happy family.

 

If not, you were worth fighting for and wish things worked out differently...

 

---------

 

Worth sending or not?

 

Im the type of person that doesnt give up easy since adversity is all ive known.

 

I havent dated anyone since the breakup even though I have lots of opportunities. I jut CANNOT keep giving my heart away or share my body with random strangers.

 

Anyway, any guidance would be appreciated as I dont know if im thinking straight.

 

Thank you,

 

Indio

[na49]

Honestly, that letter makes you look very desperate, and won't help your chances to get back with your ex. It may even drive her further away. If it's been a year, I think that she is over you and probably doesn't want her needy ex asking for more attention. I feel like if you care about her, you need to give her space and let her go (as tough as that may sound). You'll find someone better, and you shouldn't tell yourself that you won't.

 

I'm in a similar boat, although it hasn't been as long since I've heard from my ex. I've considered talking to her multiple times because I feel like our last conversation ended a little hostile. Then, I tell myself that I don't want to give her an ego boost, that she disrespected me, and that if she wanted to talk to me she would. I think you should do the same.

 

Good luck, stay strong.

[Indio Negrito]

Thanks for your reply na49.

 

I know, its pretty lame but we had corresponded throughout the year via Skype or SMS and it was pretty flirtatious so I presumed it would be OK to express myself...lol, goes to show I dont know squat:D

 

From what I hear, her mom hooked her up with someone within 45-60 days of our breakup which is a recurring pattern in her love life - as she told me after years together that she got with me after 2.5 months of breaking up with her b/f of 5 years.

 

I didnt realize my behavior was 'needy' as Ive stayed away from her for a year even though she lives close to my work. Thanks for pointing that out btw.

 

My heart hurts and is vomiting this kind of emotion through my words thinking that maybe Im feeling like this cause she's thinking of me but again - what the heck do i know!

 

Anyhow, thanks for taking time to respond and helping me take my skirt off. lol. However, you think its normal to grieve this long? She was supposed to by wife...

 

I want to go out on dates with these other women that I know whom like me but I honestly feel like im cheating and dont want to mislead any woman about my intentions...weak sauce, right?! Darn it!

 

Anyway, I wish you the best in reviving your love interest! Who am I to tell someone not to pursue their hearts desires...

[Optimisticasallways]

Unless your prepared to get your feelings hurt I would just move on

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

Wow....a year is a long time to grieve and still not be over it. Personally, I would send it. Why not? If its been a year and she should have more clarity after this much time. Just be prepared for any response including one that does not go your way. You may end up getting hurt again but after a year it shouldnt be that bad should it? Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

[pathetic1999]

I am confused by the responses here...If I read this correct you were the dumper? It's been a year so why not try again! I would love it if my ex would try again.

[Indio Negrito]

Yeah, 1999, I was the dumper....

 

I get 50/50 responses but my heart tells me to just throw it out there...I have no expectations.

 

I've gone a year without her...I can go the rest of my life without her at this point, but I dont want to regret not trying later as I've matured a lot myself in this whole process.

 

I know what I want more clearly and a lot of those qualities are in my ex; the biggest impediment to our relationship was my reluctance to believe her mother and sister had her best interest at heart which I could've diffused if I had just developed a closer relationship with them instead of feeding into their insecurities.

 

I love the woman and would like her back in my life but I dont need her back as I know I'll eventually meet another spirited lover.

 

However, I am human and know its gonna sting if she say its not mutual cause as I said - I dont enjoy developing such deep relationships with women only to have them expire after 6-7 years - it just doesnt seem worth the investment really.

 

LoL...damn am I stubborn. At least i can laugh at myself now.

 

Anyway, I appreciate your feedback.

[movingon12]

If you really think you're both in different places (or could be) and there's a chance, then I don't see any harm in sending her an email.

 

BUT the one you've written is way, way too long - and the comments like "but to not speak to me or give me a chance to restore what we had really hurts both of us" and "I would never harm a single hair on your body" are just unnecessary and wrong (in as much as she probably thinks NC was the only way to move on and you did hurt her - emotionally). This should be about moving on to a new relationship, not about wallowing in the past.

 

So cut it right back to nothing more than something like - dear x, I hope you're well, I've been thinking about you a lot over the past year. I really regret the way things ended and I've been wondering whether the time is right to see if we could try again. I know that I (xxxxx - whatever it is you think *you* did wrong - not her - BRIEFLY) but I think now I (xxxx - whatever it is you think has changed in *you* - not her BRIEFLY). If you think we could have a chance and would like to get in touch, I would love to hear from you. If not, I wish you all the best, love ..

 

That's it.

[Indio Negrito]

I appreciate your advice movingon12. Thank you for taking time to share your thoughts.

 

Short and sweet sounds like a good idea as I dont want to live in the past with her.

 

However, before I send decide to send something along the lines of what you recommend, this is the last message I received from her after sending her an apology recently in October - she replied almost instantly and that is why Ive been debating for over a month if I should send this letter:

 

Hi,

 

The is the most sincere apology I have ever recieved from you. It is truly sad for me that the lessons you had to learn had to be in our relationship and it took losing me to learn them. I cared, supported and loved you when you needed it most.

 

This is the first notion that you have ever made in showing that you are growing and I hope that the next time around you know how to sincerely love, appreciate, support and care.

 

As always I wish you success, love and happiness.

 

----

 

You still think its worth sending or was I reading too much into this response from her to presume I can send such a request to consider rekindling what I blew out?

[movingon12]

I appreciate your advice movingon12. Thank you for taking time to share your thoughts.

 

Short and sweet sounds like a good idea as I dont want to live in the past with her.

 

However, before I send decide to send something along the lines of what you recommend, this is the last message I received from her after sending her an apology recently in October - she replied almost instantly and that is why Ive been debating for over a month if I should send this letter:

 

Hi,

 

The is the most sincere apology I have ever recieved from you. It is truly sad for me that the lessons you had to learn had to be in our relationship and it took losing me to learn them. I cared, supported and loved you when you needed it most.

 

This is the first notion that you have ever made in showing that you are growing and I hope that the next time around you know how to sincerely love, appreciate, support and care.

 

As always I wish you success, love and happiness.

 

----

 

You still think its worth sending or was I reading too much into this response from her to presume I can send such a request to consider rekindling what I blew out?

 

Hang on - in October, did you ask for another chance or was it just a 'I'm sorry for the things I said, I wish you the best in your new life, goodbye' email?

 

If, in October, you didn't actually say anything about wanting to try again, then I don't think it can't hurt to try now (as long as you do keep it short and sweet). I think if you don't, you'll always be wondering 'what if....' But once and once only - if she doesn't reply, or says no thanks, then just let her be. (Though I would definitely say something up front to say that it's taken you a month to work out what to say to her - otherwise she'll just think you're blowing hot and cold.)

 

But if in October you *did* ask for another chance, or you implied you wanted another chance, then you've already got your answer. Let her be.

[Indio Negrito]

Yeah, it was just an apology letter -

 

Dear E, I have really come a long way emotionally as much as you may not believe it and owe this much needed enlightenment as painful as it was - to my loss of you.

 

I'm not saying what I am in the hopes of getting you back or anything but to truly and genuinely apologize for my selfishness and possessiveness during our relationship. I was really blinded by my own personal goals and inconsiderate of your needs.

 

As I continue to evolve and learn from the unwanted turns I make that lead me to these profound conclusions which are defining my adolescent adult self - I am forever humbled for what our relationship has taught me.

 

There's a lot I want to say and realize you may be very upset with me right now but I may never have another chance to cross paths with you.

 

I want nothing but the absolute best for you and your family....

 

Sincerely,

 

----

 

Im just going to take my chances at this point as I dont think I have much to lose...

 

Definitely dont want to think ...what if, as I know I'll be able to move on with a clear focus with a final No.

 

I cant thank you guys enough for your encouragement, patience and support and will let you know how it turns out.

[movingon12]

Good luck...

[moveONorStay]

Good for you...I think if she was receptive to the last message and at least responded then you may get response to the next message. The fact she responded to the last email suggests that she is either over you and wanted to have her final word on the matter, or, she is open to discussion now that she views your previous email as a sincere apology.

 

I think the outcome is 50/50 on this one...keep us posted!

[Indio Negrito]

Ok, so I didnt hear anything to my email until yesterday, my bday, and got a simple note:

 

"I hope your day was filled with joy and lots of sweet memories.

Wishing you the best."

 

Im not sure if this is just mental masturbatory material or just a courtesy note.

 

I dont think i should i respond even though I want too but theres nothing in her note that gives me the indication she's 'receptive'. What do you guys think? Am i looking too much into this...lol?

[movingon12]

She's just being polite. Time to move on I'm afraid.

 

Generally, if they ask a question (did you have a good birthday? etc ) they're trying to start up communication, if not....