superdaddy Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Ok well, here's the short version. Been separated living on my own for over a year now. Have awesome kids that I have a lot of the time 55+%. So over the last year plus, its been a struggle for me. My kids are number one, and EVERYONE who knows me sees that and how much of a good father I am (i even paint my daughters nails/toenails for here lol). For over a year when I dont have the kids, i'm usually just doing things by myself around my house, and sometimes feel a little lonely. I have tons of great friends and we all get together when we can but... I've been told by many that Im really good looking, an amazing catch etc etc blah blah blah and that I have a lot to offer. Which I do. However, its seems a few times a month for a couple days or so, the EX continually attempts to attack and accuse me of having a girlfriend via txt message and phone calls etc. Saying she deserves the the right to know and that Im a liar blah blah. I have told her that I dont (which is true) and that even if I did, its none of her business and that i would never introduce anyone to my children unless things became VERY serious. I can say and have proof that Im the 100% mentally stable one out of the two of us, and I have a large family and friends who would back me. So while I know I deserve to be happy, I'm still cautious about starting to date because when the day should come where she becomes aware, Im scared of the REAL stress she will try to inflict, with threats about this and that, taking me to court etc. I've heard it all in the past, and this was when she wasnt 100% sure. Ie. Trying to bluff me into admitting I have a girlfriend etc. Anyone have any advice? Another concern is when she is in one of her moods, she has the ability to say some pretty nasty things, and I dont want our children corrupted. What to do?
aMguilts Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Ok well, here's the short version. Been separated living on my own for over a year now. Have awesome kids that I have a lot of the time 55+%. So over the last year plus, its been a struggle for me. My kids are number one, and EVERYONE who knows me sees that and how much of a good father I am (i even paint my daughters nails/toenails for here lol). For over a year when I dont have the kids, i'm usually just doing things by myself around my house, and sometimes feel a little lonely. I have tons of great friends and we all get together when we can but... I've been told by many that Im really good looking, an amazing catch etc etc blah blah blah and that I have a lot to offer. Which I do. However, its seems a few times a month for a couple days or so, the EX continually attempts to attack and accuse me of having a girlfriend via txt message and phone calls etc. Saying she deserves the the right to know and that Im a liar blah blah. I have told her that I dont (which is true) and that even if I did, its none of her business and that i would never introduce anyone to my children unless things became VERY serious. I can say and have proof that Im the 100% mentally stable one out of the two of us, and I have a large family and friends who would back me. So while I know I deserve to be happy, I'm still cautious about starting to date because when the day should come where she becomes aware, Im scared of the REAL stress she will try to inflict, with threats about this and that, taking me to court etc. I've heard it all in the past, and this was when she wasnt 100% sure. Ie. Trying to bluff me into admitting I have a girlfriend etc. Anyone have any advice? Another concern is when she is in one of her moods, she has the ability to say some pretty nasty things, and I dont want our children corrupted. What to do? Grow a pair? Your not with her now so just ignore all her threats because , they mean nothing to you. So what if you DO have someone in your life. What the hell`s it got to do with your EX?. You seem to be playing down to her every whim still. When she`s in `one of her moods`, Be the bigger person and ignore it. If she gets out of control then call the police. aM
aMguilts Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 by the way , noone is 100% mentally stable . aM
Author superdaddy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 gotcha, usually i have a pair, but i guess lost them temporarily. I guess this post was retarded. Thanks ps - ok maybe not 100% as my post proved, but at least always on the positive side
aMguilts Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 gotcha, usually i have a pair, but i guess lost them temporarily. I guess this post was retarded. Thanks ps - ok maybe not 100% as my post proved, but at least always on the positive side naw your post wasn`t that at all. And i`m sorry if i came across to make you feel like that. I just think the sooner you stand up to her the better. aM
Author superdaddy Posted November 24, 2012 Author Posted November 24, 2012 its ok no need to explain. Everyone has advice most like yours, and others like...wait till she has a boyfriend or dating then you to make life easier etc etc. Thanks again 1
todreaminblue Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Dating with kids is hard even without an ex in the picture, I have kids and my ex actually doesn't want me to be alone for the rest of my life what i do though is not something he can effect he lost that right......my kids are all older so its not really an issue with court...i doubt he would ever go that route with me....he knows i am a good mother and i don't or wouldn't put up with him telling me or others i am not......as far as dating goes exes should have no say in who you date, when you date or how you date...manipulation by threats and or verbal abuse possibly could be handled with a restraining order.....she is in the wrong not you.....if she takes you to court have that restraining order in your hand to pass to your solicitor.....i wish you luck.....deb 1
2sure Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Note the dates each month when she starts flipping out, there is probably a cycle and if you can be aware of what to expect and when you might feel more solid about navigating. If you feel that she will take you back to court because she is jealous...jump the gun on her and ask for a parenting planning class for divorced parents. She won't take it, but you will be on record as being the reasonable and responsible parent.
worldgonewrong Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Just a couple questions, so I might have a sense of the bigger picture: 1. did she kick you to the curb? or vice versa? 2. has she been dating?
aMguilts Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Just a couple questions, so I might have a sense of the bigger picture: 1. did she kick you to the curb? or vice versa? 2. has she been dating? forgive me if i`m wrong. no i`m gonna see this one through. i`d like to see the answers so i can see your reply aM
aMguilts Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 its ok no need to explain. Everyone has advice most like yours, and others like...wait till she has a boyfriend or dating then you to make life easier etc etc. Thanks again I will always be the one on here that goes against the flow. Not because i`m right, not even because i think i`m right. hell i know me... if you really knew me, you`d hate me. its hard being me sometimes, but this is not my thread its yours. I am going to stick to what i said to you earlier. This is down to you.I understand where you are scared. The sooner you stick up for youself the easier it will be, By the way, thank you for what you said in your reply it`s nice to be heard and not just listened too, meant a lot to me thank you aM
trippi1432 Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Just a couple questions, so I might have a sense of the bigger picture: 1. did she kick you to the curb? or vice versa? 2. has she been dating? Good questions here. SuperDaddy, if you ever implied a recon or if she did, seems like something needs to be ironed out. An ex has no place on your happiness for a future, but you have to make them an ex first..on paper AND in your heart. Even then, dating with kids is hard at any age. Personally I think women try harder to accept other children than men do but it is still hard when you are close to your children. My advice is never lose the connection to your child, they need that. My dad went through many relationships before he found the right person for him...the right one loved him as much as I do. She wasn't fake, she didn't put on airs, she just had a huge heart that loved us both. I have four wonderful parents that I love and adore because of that. 1
trippi1432 Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 I will always be the one on here that goes against the flow. Not because i`m right, not even because i think i`m right. hell i know me... if you really knew me, you`d hate me. its hard being me sometimes, but this is not my thread its yours. I am going to stick to what i said to you earlier. This is down to you.I understand where you are scared. The sooner you stick up for youself the easier it will be, By the way, thank you for what you said in your reply it`s nice to be heard and not just listened too, meant a lot to me thank you aM aM..just a note..it might not be bipolar....well, everything is these days to simple depression....I'm thinking more along the lines of manic-depressive. Check the meds okay?
Steen719 Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 aM..just a note..it might not be bipolar....well, everything is these days to simple depression....I'm thinking more along the lines of manic-depressive. Check the meds okay? I am pretty sure these are the same thing?
trippi1432 Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Actually, they are not. There are two spectrums..I and II. If you go to a therapist because you are depressed, you are rated on the bipolar spectrum automatically today...low depression...a I, severe a II..that is bipolar II and manic depressive is in that class. One can be cured with talk therapy and/or mild meds, the other side is more severe, and not all psychologists get the mix of meds right....and even that means what country you hail from. Some are still experimental. aM's (Coop's) issues would be better served on his own thread, that I do agree and I apologize to the OP for digressing.
Yasuandio Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Actually, they are not. There are two spectrums..I and II. If you go to a therapist because you are depressed, you are rated on the bipolar spectrum automatically today...low depression...a I, severe a II..that is bipolar II and manic depressive is in that class. One can be cured with talk therapy and/or mild meds, the other side is more severe, and not all psychologists get the mix of meds right....and even that means what country you hail from. Some are still experimental. aM's (Coop's) issues would be better served on his own thread, that I do agree and I apologize to the OP for digressing. So aM is Coop? What's up whith that? Y
aMguilts Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 aM is coop? what the hell does that mean?? I`m what ??? stop speaking code. just say it aM
Sharloh Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I'm sorry to hear you are going through all this. Being an ex-wife myself and recently finding out that my ex husband started seeing someone and had brought this woman around our 3-year-old daughter, is not a good feeling. In fact, my daughter is the one who told me about it. She started mentioning the woman's name and when I asked my ex, he copped to it. It appears that your ex-wife seems to be a bit paranoid and is full of accusations. You mentioned that between the two of you, you are the one who is 100% stable. I don't know much about her past, her behavior, or whether or not she's capable of going further than her actual threats. But I would like to give you feedback based on what she might be going through as I went through the same thing. It could be that your ex-wife still has some feelings for you, otherwise she would not behave in the manner she does. You failed to mention why you two divorced and who is the one who filed?? If you left her, she could be harboring some feelings of anger and hurt. And when people hurt, they tend to behave in ways that are not all that great. I am not justifying her behavior. She might be upset that you two are no longer married and knows that eventually you will meet someone. By accusing you once a month for a couple days is her way of finding out if you really do have someone new and it could be that she's hoping that you continue saying you don't have anybody. It's assurance for her. My ex-husband was the love of my life. This woman he just recently started dating is the first one he has been with after me. He and I have been divorced for over two years now. Even though I suspected that he may have met someone (I never asked him), I wasn't a 100% sure until my daughter let the cat out of the bag. I was hurt, more so, because he had brought this woman around my daughter. As a mother, at least a normal one, it is hard to imagine another woman being in my child's life. For me, it isn't easy. So I went off on him because I was hurt. I cussed him out, said things that are too embarrassing to repeat. And yes, I threatened to take him back to court. Did he break some law? No, he didn't. But during that moment, I was overtaken by so much anger and hurt, it felt like my mouth was on auto-pilot. You mentioned that in the past, your ex-wife has threatened you with court, etc. Has she ever followed through with her threats or she's just talking from the side of her neck? I have threatened my ex many times and never followed through. I guess at the time, it feels good to say it and blow off some steam. I am hearing "call the cops", "get a restraining order"....these things are not going to cure normal reaction. She really may have some unresolved issues with you still and her "crazy" behavior is her showing her pain. I don't know much about her or her mental state, but if she does get out of hand, then yes, by all means, you should take any legal action you can. Otherwise, keep your contact with her minimal and ignore everything else. I have dealt with many clients where the ex-husband calls the cops or files a restraining order, only for the ex-wife to countersuit and raise the support. She may have a restraining order slapped on her, but she can also get more money for you as a retaliation. So who wins in a situation like this? Sometimes running to cops isn't the answer. And do you wanna be known as the guy who called the cops on mommy?? That's another thing you might consider. Your ex might be feeling lonely, and she probably hasn't met anybody yet so her focus is still on you. I think it will change and will leave you alone if she met somebody and started feeling loved again. Sometimes it's harder to see your ex move on before you do. As far as you dating not being any of her business: That's a yes and no answer. Do you need her permission to date? No. But when you do decide that you have met someone serious enough to bring around your children, as a mother, she should have a right to know. It would be nice to keep the lines of communication open with her. However, how she decides to act is on her. I don't suggest bringing every woman you date around your children. But when you do find yourself in a situation that you want to be serious with someone, your ex deserves to know. After all, crazy or not, she is the mother of your children. Those kids are not just yours. They are a part of her too. And she should have a right to know who is around her children. I know I would want to know. And she should show you the same respect when she decides to be in a serious relationship. I'm sure you would want to know what man is around your kids. Any decent caring man would. Let me ask you: Is there ANY feelings you still have towards your ex?? Do you think maybe you would react strongly if you found out that she was seeing somebody?
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