Ex slept with someone and didn't tell me when we got engaged.

[Impossible12]

I'd been with the same guy for about 4 1/2 years (On and off). We split up after about 2 years then started talking again after a few months of being apart. We ended up getting back together, and after a while he asked me to marry him. I said yes, as I love him, and we moved into a house together. We were together for about a year and a half when one night he didnt come up to bed. I asked him what was wrong, and he said he wasn't happy. It pretty much happened over night, from being fine -- to a complete disaster. Anyway, we broke up and I moved out. We didnt talk for a few weeks and I found out things through mutual friends that he had started smoking pot again, and that he had kissed a girl who was "supposedly" my friend. Well once we started talking as friends we talked about what happened with the relationship. He told me that this "friend" initiated it, and that she had stayed the night with him but they did nothing more than kiss. However, he confessed that the first time we were split up he had sex with another girl --- who he never told me about when we got back together and engaged. I realize that yes, we were broken up, but the fact is that the entire time we were together after, I thought we had still been each others first and only. At this point, we are talking as friends and I told him that for me to even CONSIDER a relationship, he would have to prove himself to me as a friend, first. I'm having a hard time figuring out what to do about this girl he slept with, though. It makes me feel dirty for having been with him afterward and not knowing, and I am having a hard time not picturing them together, to the point it makes me feel sick. How do I overcome this for even the possibility, if I would choose, of being together in the future?

[Emilia]

I don't understand why you want to get back together again? You sound really young and inexperienced. Surely the best thing to do is to date around and find someone you are compatible with and with whom you can stay engaged.

 

As for his sleeping with someone else while you were on a break: yeah it's none of your business really. People are allowed to do what they want when they are single and it's not dirty. This stuff about being someone's one and only is a bit unrealistic. I understand the sentiment but in modern society it doesn't tend to pan out that way, there is no reason why it should either to be fair.

 

Since it would be probably best if you moved on, there is no incentive for you to deal with it really. Jealousy sucks and whenever I get together with someone again (try to do it less and less), I make it clear that I don't want to hear about it, it's none of my (or their) business anyway.

 

He may or may not have slept with that other girl while you were together but either way, it sounds like you should let this one go and experience life a bit more.