daphne Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 I'd like to know how many male dumpees went crazy after a breakup and slept with whomever would sleep with them. I tried to reconcile with my ex but later found out he had slept with several girls already in some sort of desperate attempt to get back at me and let me know I wasn't the only one. He said he had slept with very few people in the past but I guess he was a liar. This was also a guy that told me he was in love with me after 3 weeks into the relationship.
dreamguy Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 I'm gonna be very honest and very brief with you. Perhaps my words are not the ones you want to hear but I have to say them. This guy is an emotionally disturbed and insecure person for having declared being in love with you only 3 weeks after meeting you and most of all for going around sleeping with many women to get back at you.
Author daphne Posted August 7, 2004 Author Posted August 7, 2004 Au contraire Dreamguy, I needed validation that I wasn't being a hardass for judging him so harshly. I suspect that the guy is having some sort of psychotic episode since he has acted completely different from what he presented himself to be initially (i.e. a very warm, caring, faithful guy who would do anything for me). He seems to lack empathy and is using whoever will allow him to and lying to them. He also got one pregnant and dumped her when he found out. I've never dated anyone that was like this and thought that perhaps I didn't know men so well. thanks for your words.
honey2005 Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 Maybe he's just really hurt from the break up and he's trying to find a way to ease the pain. Or maybe he's just trying to hurt you to get back at you for breaking up with him.
sillysally Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 Do not second guess yourself. You, like me, always give the guy the benefit of the doubt. But what he did was slimy and he sounds immature and yucky.
Author daphne Posted August 7, 2004 Author Posted August 7, 2004 Hi Honey, I think it's a combination of both. I know he did have strong feelings because we were extremely compatible and fell too hard too quickly. That, however, does not excuse callous disregard for others. His actions to hurt me are immature at best. That's not the kind of love I'm looking for. The fact that he has hurt others in his quest to get revenge is appalling. I can't imagine how they feel. The way I see it is that how he treated these girls is a reflection of who he really is. And I'm hoping that karma works its magic.
honey2005 Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 I guess you should be glad you found out what kind of person he really was before you invested anymore time into being with him.
Author daphne Posted August 7, 2004 Author Posted August 7, 2004 SS, Thanks. You're right. I need to stop second guessing myself. Another ex did something similar once (only one girl) when we separated, but honestly he was a nutcase as well. But that guy was about 10 years younger!!!! I can't imagine a guy in his 30's doing that.
Author daphne Posted August 7, 2004 Author Posted August 7, 2004 honey, I SURE AM! This guy was talking marriage so I dodged a bullet there.
singleman Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 How is what that man is doing(sex, etc) any different than my girlfriend who just broke up with me a week ago, and is already spending the weekend with her new man? She is doing the same thing - sex, etc. I think to go from saying "I'm not sure if you are the one", to already sleeping with a new guy is awful.
Author daphne Posted August 8, 2004 Author Posted August 8, 2004 I'm not sure what your circumstances are, but we were trying to reconcile when he did this. Also, he lied and told me he had only slept with a few people before me, yet managed to sleep with a good number of women right after we broke up. He was still trying to make it work.
singleman Posted August 8, 2004 Posted August 8, 2004 I see. You are right. If you were supposed to be working things out, then that is horrible. But sometimes, people do things out of desperation and are not thinking straight. Going through a break up can cause tremendous depression. I'm not trying to defend him, but it is very hard to cope sometimes. I am also having a terrible time coping.
Author daphne Posted August 8, 2004 Author Posted August 8, 2004 Single, We all cope in different ways, but it's how you cope that shows what kind of a person you are. The way I coped was to try to figure out what I did that caused the breakup, even though I was the one that broke up. I think my ex revealed that he is a total fraud and can't be alone for more than 5 minutes.
singleman Posted August 8, 2004 Posted August 8, 2004 Daphne - I agree with you - my ex also can't be alone for more than 5 minutes. It's almost like a mental problem I guess. It's at least a self esteem problem, where a person is so needy that they need someone else to make them happy. I almost feel sorry for my ex because she is like that.
Author daphne Posted August 9, 2004 Author Posted August 9, 2004 Single, Yeah, she's weak. You get the benefit of feeling superior. Honestly though, if you take the time to work out your issues and she's avoiding it by running to the next bus stop, you are more likely to find something honest, real and beautiful. And she'll still be shacking up with whatever else comes next until she's done running. Of the two of you, who do you think will be better off??? An extreme example is my ex fiancé of 12 years ago. He got me to finally agree to marry him although I was fresh off a divorce and didn't really want to get married. When I started to tell him that perhaps we should just not get married right away, he balked and became abusive (control freak). I told him I was leaving and he started running around to try to make me jealous. I moved out and he jumped from one girl to the next to the next. Got one pregnant, she left him too, had a complete melt down about a year and a half later and ended up losing all of his friends. He still hasn't been in a good relationship and it's been 12 years since. Some people never learn but hey, it's not your problem anymore is it? I look back at that guy and I am so glad I didn't end up with him because I didn't realize at the time how much better I could do than him. You will too hopefully.
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