3 yr relationship..argument gone wrong..he's with someone new within a few wks..how?

[torn6102]

My story:

My ex and I were friends since middle school. He always used to talk about us getting together, but I really only saw him as a friend. The beginning of my sophomore year of high school we would play around like we were together (but on my end I was seriously just playing...he wasn't)...he told my bestfriend he was serious and wanted us to get together. I really didn't care I was 14 going on 15 and I saw high school as the time to just relax, have fun, no serious relationships and despite all of this we ended up in a relationship that fall.

 

We were together all throughout sophomore, junior, and senior year. I think we both fell way harder than we expected to. He was basically my first everything and we were both each others first loves I mean it was truly a storybook relationship. He transferred schools our junior year, but we still made it work because we wanted to be together plus he ended up transferring back our senior year. We took things slow, didn't rush into anything. He became one of my best friends. His parents liked me, and mine liked him, plus they got along well with each other. We experienced several milestones together like both proms, homecomings, took trips together, graduation I mean we did it all everyone looked at us as the perfect couple. I would say he was a little more sensitive when it came to me than I was with him like sometimes he gave off the vibe as if he was in way deeper than I was, but my feelings were just as deep.

 

The time leading up to college we talked about going to the same one and attempting to make it work there together. I ended up getting into one of my dream schools altering the plans a bit. Although he was fully supportive of my decision to attend a different college for the better opportunity he did express a few doubts and seemed a tad uncertain at times. I assured him we could make it through anything and he agreed. Now, as for arguments of course we argued what couple doesn't but it was never anything serious enough to break us up for good.

 

The summer before going off to college we had several plans to do everything because we were about to part ways. I can admit I got a little greedy and wanted to spend more time with him. Over the years my friendships with people slightly diminished because I enjoyed spending more time with my boyfriend than friends (sounds really bad I know, but I was a girl in love..). One time though I just got really upset because he wasn't making plans with me but instead with friends he lived in the same neighborhood with & saw all the time. I said I wanted to break up and that he should go and hang out with his friends since that's all he seemed like he wanted to do anyway. I also told him to enjoy his time in college without me (all out of anger ) He told me of course that wasn't the case and that I was his main priority but I was mad and wanted him to miss me like I missed him.

 

I didn't contact him because I wanted him to contact me first. A week or so later I'm hearing from one of my friends he's still hanging out with friends and that he's flirting with a girl in that group of friends. Now me and this girl have history because she was always jealous of me and my relationship with him. She's had a crush on him since middle school but he always liked me. Basically long story short, I confront him about what I'm hearing and he says it's not true but at the same time it's not my concern since I broke up with him. He says maybe we do need space and basically he's not trying to get back together.

 

I spend the next month trying to reach out to him while instead he's being stubborn. Almost 3 to 4 weeks after we've broken up after being together for over 2.5 years he's dating the girl in the group of friends he was supposedly just "hanging out with" (and the one that has been jealous of me for years). I am heartbroken. I don't understand how somebody so in love could just turn it off that way and start something new with somebody else so quickly...I tried to forget about it, give him space, move on myself but I can't.

 

We go off to college and the first weekend there he's reaching out to me telling me he misses me, misses us, can't let us go. We meet up see each other make love and all. I ask him, "Why do you feel you can cheat on her but NEVER cheated on me? What's the difference?" His response was simply he didn't know and that he didn't know what she was doing at the college she attends (a different one than his btw). He keeps telling me things like "we're going to run into each other again." and "I still love you and care for you." But his actions don't show that by trying to move on in a new relationship weeks after breaking it off with your first love.

 

We basically still communicate briefly every now and then. And sometimes the conversations can be seen as him cheating on his new girlfriend. As for myself I'm a freshman in college meeting new people attempting to move on with my life. It's been almost 5 months of us not being together in a relationship; however, I can't seem to let go of my first love. Should I cancel out any thoughts of us getting back together? Is his new relationship legit or more of a rebound? Is it possible for someone to fall out of love within a few weeks and move on with somebody else so quickly? I'm just so hurt I really don't know how to look at my situation anymore.

[moveONorStay]

Sounds like a young guy who wants to have his cake and eat it too!! I wouldn't consider getting back with him...he is using you and playing on your feelings for him.

 

I would distance yourself and don't give in to him. You are a young woman at a crucial stage of your life...I'd focus on college, enjoy meeting all of the new kinds of people that you will meet while at school! It's also a good time to meet and experience different kinds of guys and find out what you really like and are looking for in a relationship.

 

In 10 years time when you are happily settled with someone who treats you the way you deserve, you'll look back and laugh at why you ever put up with someone like your ex.

[movingon12]

^^^^^^ This.

 

You need to go NC so you can move on.