Necris Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I'm asking this because, I noticed I get asked this alot though primarily by my parents. I talk to my parents often but I notice when I call they always ask me if I'm ever going to get a girlfriend or why I don't hardly ever get dates. This doesn't particularly bother me that they are asking, I am their son and I can understand why they would be concerned, but I do have to continuously explain that dating is very difficult for me and this continually reminds me that I'm not in any sort of relationship. Though for some reason I noticed my dad seems to be having suspicions that I'm gay or something else is wrong with me psychologically and he questions me on these things. I even had friends ask me if I have a girlfriend and I'll of course not wanting to lie say, "no.", then they'll ask if I've ever had a girlfriend, and again I'll say, "no", then they'll either ask me if I'm gay or they'll tell me I need to really get laid. For those of you who have troubles dating do you ever get asked why all the time as well? 1
verhrzn Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 No, I never get asked. Look at it this way; it is annoying to be asked constantly "why aren't you dating?" But that also means that the people asking think you should be dating, that there isn't some obvious reason for why you're not. The subtle message is "I can't believe you're single, you must be doing it by choice!" In an (annoying) way, it's a compliment. No one ever asks about why I don't date/don't have a boyfriend, because they can quite clearly see why. So accept their (annoying) compliment graciously. If it gets under your skin, turn yourself into a broken record smiling and saying "Haven't found the right girl yet."
ThaWholigan Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I used to get asked quite a bit. We'd be out and my friends would say I should move to chicks, or I should just bang a "slosh" on the sly (yeah, we have inventive slang words in England). This stopped after a while though. Only few of my friends know of my recent exploits.
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 For those of you who have troubles dating do you ever get asked why all the time as well? No, I don't. To be honest most of my friends have much more important things in their lives to worry about than my love life: wives, children, new jobs, new homes, sick parents or relatives. How I'm doing in romance is just not all that important. Occasionally somebody will tell me they know a girl they'd like me to meet or go on a date with. They never ever get around to it though. Which leads me back to my original point about my friends having more important things to do than help me find dates. Sometimes I wish they'd take a more active role, but, to be fair, it is my responsibility, no one else's.
somedude81 Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I was at my grandparents for dinner tonight. Also there was my mother, one of my cousins and his dad and stepmom. My grandparents only talked to my cousin about his relationship stuff, they asked him about his ex and if he was looking for new people and such. None of them asked me anything about my relationships. Odds are that they know I'm single, have trouble with dating, and simply don't want to talk about it with me.
iris219 Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I get asked this ALL the time. I hate it. I hate it so much I've started avoiding talking to long distance friends because I know the first thing they will ask is "Are you seeing anyone?" or "Any guys in your life?" and I will have to disappoint them by telling them no. Why does this have to be the first thing they ask me? I am so sick of hearing about how shocking it is that I can't find anyone. I've started making jokes like, "Yeah, well, actually, I have a terrible personality." I said this to a friend last week and he said, "You're hot enough that it wouldn't matter." Well, there must be something wrong with me because I can't even get a date.
Emilia Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I get asked this ALL the time. I hate it. I hate it so much I've started avoiding talking to long distance friends because I know the first thing they will ask is "Are you seeing anyone?" or "Any guys in your life?" and I will have to disappoint them by telling them no. Why does this have to be the first thing they ask me? I am so sick of hearing about how shocking it is that I can't find anyone. I've started making jokes like, "Yeah, well, actually, I have a terrible personality." I said this to a friend last week and he said, "You're hot enough that it wouldn't matter." Well, there must be something wrong with me because I can't even get a date. I get asked as well sometimes so I've invented a casual thing. that shuts people up, especially those that don't approve of 'casual'
SmileFace Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I get it mostly from my parents and family members who I don't share my life with. Granted I do date - I just never introduced a guy to my family and that isn't the norm for any female in my family, especially being that I am already 22. So half my family thinks I am gay or only date guys of other races so they assume I won't bring them around -- or some other tall tale of sorts. I learned not to care. I don't advertise my dating life on social network sites (outside of ls) so they can think of all the stories they want. I dated two guys while living at my moms and she knew of them so she obviously doesn't stfu so that is why my family gets this idea. My father mentions it when I ask him for money, lol - but I know he rather me stay single and not be a parent so he doesn't say much.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Yeah, by my family and friends. My family has no clue that I have met 75 guys online. The other day my mum said "Why don't you try online dating?" and she told me about OKCupid I avoid most friends and relatives though. I am really annoyed when they go "But I thought you would be snapped up by now...":rolleyes: I have no patience anymore so I just say "Next question" or I blatantly change the topic.
Mrlonelyone Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Yes I have been asked that. An 85 year old relative asked me why I don't get married. Then remarked about how it's a tough world and I shouldn't have to go it alone. (She knows my personal situation.) I am also guilty of asking my little sister this. She is just such a sweet and beautiful young woman to be single. :_( So I know where a loved one asking this comes from. When someone ask you why you are still single, as will happen much on these holidays, it is because they love you and want you to be happy.
iris219 Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I get asked as well sometimes so I've invented a casual thing. that shuts people up, especially those that don't approve of 'casual' I couldn't lie; my friends would want to know too many details. I also want to have the opportunity to be set up by them. After they ask me about being single, I always ask if they have any single male friends. They almost never do, or occasionally they say, yes, but they wouldn't wish the guy on anyone. They then proceed to tell me what a loser the ONE single guy they know is and that I wouldn't be interested in him. For some reason, I still have a few friends who think I have standards.
Ross MwcFan Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 The fact that these people seem to be in disbelief that you still haven't got anyone, or that you must be gay, shows how easily dating and relationships must come to them and most other people. It must be as easy as just making friends.
iris219 Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 The fact that these people seem to be in disbelief that you still haven't got anyone, or that you must be gay, shows how easily dating and relationships must come to them and most other people. It must be as easy as just making friends. I agree, Ross. Good observation. All sorts of people seem to just fall into relationships all the time without really trying. When it doesn't happen for you, it's hard to not believe there's something wrong with you.
Ross MwcFan Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I agree, Ross. Good observation. All sorts of people seem to just fall into relationships all the time without really trying. When it doesn't happen for you, it's hard to not believe there's something wrong with you. Exactly. I've been trying to look for answer to what is wrong with me for years.
iris219 Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Exactly. I've been trying to look for answer to what is wrong with me for years. I really believe some people have exceptionally bad luck. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself.
somedude81 Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I really believe some people have exceptionally bad luck. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself. If you lived in an area with more age appropriate single men, do you still think you would have trouble?
El Brujo Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 For those of you who have troubles dating do you ever get asked why all the time as well? Not really, because most of my friends are divorcees who've been burned a lot worse than me.
iris219 Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 If you lived in an area with more age appropriate single men, do you still think you would have trouble? I can't imagine there being such an area. I have friends who live in other places and they don't know single men over 30 either. I've never had a lot of options, so I suspect that I would have problems meeting suitable men, no matter where I lived.
Under The Radar Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Just because other people seem to "fall" into relationships quite easily doesn't accurately quantify their happiness. There are a lot of toxic and unfulfilling partnerships in the world. Societal/peer pressure, settling to not be alone/have children, and ego/selfishness are just some of the reasons individuals enter relationships quickly. Everybody here knows that being single is a far better prospect than existing in a toxic relationship. I could "easily" get into a relationship with someone if I wanted to, but that doesn't mean I'd be content or compatible with them for a LTR. 4
IT Geek Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 If anyone asked me that I'd pull my shirt up and say "Do you think any woman would date this?" 1
NYC-BigKat Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I'm asking this because, I noticed I get asked this alot though primarily by my parents. I talk to my parents often but I notice when I call they always ask me if I'm ever going to get a girlfriend or why I don't hardly ever get dates. This doesn't particularly bother me that they are asking, I am their son and I can understand why they would be concerned, but I do have to continuously explain that dating is very difficult for me and this continually reminds me that I'm not in any sort of relationship. Though for some reason I noticed my dad seems to be having suspicions that I'm gay or something else is wrong with me psychologically and he questions me on these things. I even had friends ask me if I have a girlfriend and I'll of course not wanting to lie say, "no.", then they'll ask if I've ever had a girlfriend, and again I'll say, "no", then they'll either ask me if I'm gay or they'll tell me I need to really get laid. For those of you who have troubles dating do you ever get asked why all the time as well? I cant get a girlfriend either so I know what it feels like & it feels terrible . But I cant do anything about it 'cause are not choosing me at all they're choosing other guys that they just wanna be with & its not me or u or a few others out there. Its really really bad but all we can do is keeping trying u know.
griffinchicken53 Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I get asked this too. It's odd, if I'm sad and tell people I'm really lonely, they tell me to get over it. When I'm happy then they get on my case about going out with someone. Usually I have a girl in mind, I don't tell anyone. And I'd feel bad going out with someone when I'm thinking about someone else.
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 My family and friends know they better not ask me anything about why I am not in a relationship because it'll just piss me off.
suladas Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 (edited) Family never. Friends a few times about getting laid. My family was really happy when I was in one for a bit this summer, and got on me a ton about why it ended, that got annoying and tough to deal with. Nothing again though. Actually this will be the first holidays where I actually am kind of sad i'm single. Before it never bothered me that my brother and sister had someone at the holiday dinners etc and I didn't. Family never asked why I was single and never had a girlfriend though, which was nice. Edited November 25, 2012 by suladas
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