Beatrice111 Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I fell in love with my best friend about 5 years ago. He only sees me as a friend though -- he's told me that. I've never come out and told him that I loved him, but I think he knows. He has apologized for not having those feelings for me, but still considers me his best friend. It hurts to see him fall for other girls -- and even harder when he confides in me about it. But, I've tried to put my feelings for him aside and just be his friend -- most of the time I'm okay with it. But sometimes, live today, it all gets to be too much, and I wonder what would happen if I came out and told him how I feel. Would it destroy our friendship? Would it make it awkward? Deep down I know he would'nt say it back -- but am I missing an opportunity to take a chance? Should I say I love you????? Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 If you know, you are only a friend to him, I don't think it's good. I think you should get away from this friendship because you want more. It's giving you pain and taking away your opportunities subconsciously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shohane Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I have gone through this experience before... He has told you that he sees you as a friend. So confessing your romantic feelings to him now would make the situation awkward and you MIGHT even lose his friendship... In some rare cases, if you sit down with him and discuss it heart-to-heart, you may remain friends. But even so, you'll have to hide away your feelings if you want to be "just friends" with him because it WILL hurt you to see him fall for other girls. So think carefully! I suggest you to take time away from him so overcome your romantic feelings for him, then resume friendship later.. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Probably not. He has already addressed that he doesn't feel that way for you, what could you get out of it? I'd suggest dropping the friendship, stop watching him get other girls and go find someone else for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatrice111 Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 Thank you -- I know you're all right -- I shouldnt tell him, no good will come of it. Its purely selfish, and I guess its that little tiny place in my heart that hopes he might just say it back. But for me its almost like choosing between 2 types of pain -- staying friends and hurting when I see him with someone else or losing my best friend. I think I might need to step away for a while and try to get over him -- although I'm not sure that I could go back to being just his friend ever again. Thanks again everyone -- I think I knew all along, but just needed to hear someone else say it. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I fell in love with my best friend about 5 years ago. He only sees me as a friend though -- he's told me that. I've never come out and told him that I loved him, but I think he knows. He has apologized for not having those feelings for me, but still considers me his best friend. It hurts to see him fall for other girls -- and even harder when he confides in me about it. But, I've tried to put my feelings for him aside and just be his friend -- most of the time I'm okay with it. But sometimes, live today, it all gets to be too much, and I wonder what would happen if I came out and told him how I feel. Would it destroy our friendship? Would it make it awkward? Deep down I know he would'nt say it back -- but am I missing an opportunity to take a chance? Should I say I love you????? Beatrice , yes it would make the friendship awkward......he has already told you he only sees you as a friend and telling you just once is enough.....it is already awkward for you when he dates other girls and hard for you to deal with if you tell him he is going to feel awkward too......when you develop feelings for a guy who only ever sees you as a friend it is extremely hard to maintain that friendship....you will always be the one who gets hurt....take a bit of time out dont hang out as much with the guy, get involved with a hobby or spend more time with friends that you aren't attracted too, to allow yourself to try and deal with the feelings you have....best wishes beatrice from me to you....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatrice111 Posted November 25, 2012 Author Share Posted November 25, 2012 Thank you deb I know what you said is the best way to go. It is awkward for me -- and its already awkward for him too, even though I've never said I love you out loud, I'm pretty sure he knows. He acts differently towards me -- he calls his other female friends who are in relationships "babe" and "sweety" -- me, he calls by name. He tells me everything, we talk every day, but he seems to go out of his way not to be too physically intimate -- he doesn't hug me quite as much, he doesn't dance with me when we go out as a group -- I think he is deliberately NOT trying to lead me on. And, I love him for that. This is all on me and it's up to me to get over it. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that I've been putting my love life on hold without even realizing it. I compare every guy I meet to him --- and they all fall short, I don't even look at other guys. Anyway, I'm going to try and distance myself from him for a while and see how that goes. Doesn't mean I won't think about him every day -- but at least I won't have to watch as he falls in love with someone else. Many thanks to all -- wish me luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 So, what I guessed is correct. I think you have already missed some good guys because of him. You need to stay away from him at least 1 year or more. I'm sure you'd meet your soulmate. Never compare two men, there are no 2 identicle guys with similar qualities. As long as you are infatuated with him, you don't feel like getting closer to others or finding the good of other men. My husband is all any wife would wish for and marriage always offered me more than what I expected. Unfortunately, I was so stupid not to note his qualities for 6 years, because I was infatuated with someone unavailable. Now I feel I sacrificed my time for nothing and he is nothing in comparison with my husband. Go out! Good Luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyClover Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 This brings sad feelings when I read this... I've been in your shoes in a similar situation.. and I've been him many times. It's true, the friendship will probably end. He only wants to be friends... Trust a man that tells you this; however, some people don't know what they have until it's gone. I agree to step away, don't call. Don't totally go NC either, but it's good to be unavailable.. Focus on dating other guys for fun.. not to find a comparison. Enjoy your life. When a man finds you.. he will make the effort to be in your life and then you get to decide where it will go from there. But don't look for it. He'll most likely find you through you just being you. What attracts a girl to a boy.. is being original.. smile and be happy... Love you like you love him and others will want your love in their lives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
michael2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 Better you confess your love to your friend. Because he Might also have the same feeling for you. If so and if you miss him, then life long it will be pinching your heart. Its always a better choice to be a open minded. Link to post Share on other sites
remington1 Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 Yes you should tell him.................... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatrice111 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Share Posted November 30, 2012 This brings sad feelings when I read this... I've been in your shoes in a similar situation.. and I've been him many times. It's true, the friendship will probably end. He only wants to be friends... Trust a man that tells you this; however, some people don't know what they have until it's gone. I agree to step away, don't call. Don't totally go NC either, but it's good to be unavailable.. Focus on dating other guys for fun.. not to find a comparison. Enjoy your life. When a man finds you.. he will make the effort to be in your life and then you get to decide where it will go from there. But don't look for it. He'll most likely find you through you just being you. What attracts a girl to a boy.. is being original.. smile and be happy... Love you like you love him and others will want your love in their lives. Thank you....your words hit home with me. I realized that I've been putting myself second for quite a few years now, and need to spend some time just loving me. I don't want to cut him out of my life completely -- but finding a loving relationship is something I have almost given up on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WhatDo Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 Yes. Tell him. I had a similar experience. I have known her for over half my life thus far. She told me I was like a brother to her. I am her best friend. I feared telling her how I felt would ruin the friendship. I couldn't stand it any longer and told her while completely expecting to have us drift apart because of my feelings. I told her. She had feelings for me also. Totally stunned (for a good week). I thought of it like this "I don't really have her now. If I tell her, I may never have her. If I don't tell her, nothing will change. I have nothing to lose because I have nothing." You never really know. Link to post Share on other sites
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