ConfusedAsItIs Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now and I'm getting really sick of this...I live in Korea so my boyfriend has to go to mandatory military service next year April. As some of you may not know, the mandatory military service in Korea requires them to stay and live in a military base for approximately 2 years. They have limited phone use and limited leave days so it's really hard on relationships and most of them end during this period of time. So until then I keep getting the urge that I need to spend as much time with him as possible until then. Starting last year in the winter, my boyfriend starting preparing for transfer examinations to transfer colleges and so he was locking himself up in a study room for 12 hours a day. When he did have time, he would spend it with either his friends or I. However, I always noticed that his first priority always went to his friends. For example if I asked him to hang out with me first and then his friends ask him to hang out, he would hang out with me for a little while and then go see his friends. If his friends asked him to hang out first and I asked him to hang out, he would hang out with his friends and tell me next time. Of course I ask him if we could all hang out together because I like to do everything they do (go to karaoke, pc rooms, drinking) but he always turned me down. Anyways, he promised me that as soon as he gets into his university he would hang out with me always and we would do everything that I wanted to do. He would contact me more often and we would have a great year. Yeah. That didn't happen. He got accepted this spring and starting then, he made a facebook account (I didn't know at the time) and added everyone from his school and all of his friends and his friends dads etc. I found his facebook on my recommended friends list this fall. He NEVER contacts me when he's hanging out with his friends. He contacts me the next day after he wakes up. Yup.. But when he hangs out with ME...he's always texting his friends and answering their calls. He texts them literally all day!!! I didn't really mind this and I thought I was being a good girlfriend for taking all this **** but it's really starting to piss me off now that next April is coming soon and he is practically spending no time with me. He almost never contacts me, he almost never calls me. I'm always the first one to initiate but even then we would talk a little and it would die off. We see each other like 2 times a month now. Yesterday we had a short phone call. Maybe 10 minutes. He said he had to go because he was soooooooo busy. He said he would call me if he had time. That night he didn't call me or reply my text so I checked if he was playing an online game and he was. The history said he was playing for 3 hours with his friend. I'm just generally really pissed off now and I don't know what to do. I've tried breaking up with him but after a few hours I can't take being without him and I crawl back into this miserable relationship. In a way, I think it'll be easier for me to break off this relationship after he leaves because he'll be out of sight and out of mind. But honestly, is there anything I can do to save this relationship? The first year of our relationship, he always called me and came over or called me over because he missed me. He did this EVERY DAY. I hate this change and I hate him for throwing me to his last priority list...Help me.
Yookie Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 He almost never contacts me, he almost never calls me. I'm always the first one to initiate but even then we would talk a little and it would die off. We see each other like 2 times a month now. Yesterday we had a short phone call. Maybe 10 minutes. He said he had to go because he was soooooooo busy. He said he would call me if he had time. That night he didn't call me or reply my text so I checked if he was playing an online game and he was. The history said he was playing for 3 hours with his friend. I'm just generally really pissed off now and I don't know what to do. I've tried breaking up with him but after a few hours I can't take being without him and I crawl back into this miserable relationship. In a way, I think it'll be easier for me to break off this relationship after he leaves because he'll be out of sight and out of mind. But honestly, is there anything I can do to save this relationship? The first year of our relationship, he always called me and came over or called me over because he missed me. He did this EVERY DAY. I hate this change and I hate him for throwing me to his last priority list...Help me. I'm sorry to break this to you but the only help I can give is to advise you that your relationship is already over. I think you already know this but don't want to admit it to yourself. He has already checked out of the relationship but for whatever reason he can't say it to you. Maybe because he knows you will beg him to stay together? He is ready to move on so there is no saving this. Sorry.
Minka333 Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Your bf should prioritize you over his friends. There has to be a healthy balance between the two. Never let a man take you for granted. If he does then you know better than to hang on to someone who is very complacent. He is disrespecting you already with his ways. If you tolerate it he will continue that kind of attitude. Tell him how you feel and seriously mean it. If he doesn't budge then it's time to move on.
dasein Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Welcome to the forum. Not sure if it's over, but your BF is treating you very inconsiderately and taking you for granted. Before simply walking, would give an ultimatum in this case and see if his behavior changes. At the very least, he should put up his phone during your time together. That might be where to start and work from there. You have been very patient for long enough, and if he doesn't change after you lay down the law, move on. Sometimes it takes someone truly realizing what they have lost before they value it. Hopefully, he will wake up.
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