Author denxnis Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 I just realized that you dumped her. BUT. She really dumped you in a way. She moved on while in the relationship and you smartly preemtivley pulled the trigger before she could. At least that is the impression I get. Thus you feel like you got dumped and are in the same boat as we all are. Anyway don't beat yourself up about things. The end was inevitable one way or another. She had her bags packed. You'll find that you will relive those horrific moments less and less as time goes on. As long as you stick to NC. It just slowly becomes like a bad dream that becomes hazier. I mean you remember everything but don't quite FEEL it with the same intensity. You'll be fine! Yes I did dump her because something inside of me was saying, "hey something here isn't right". I never cared or made a big deal about her going to get drinks with her girlfriend, but when she asked to go at 11pm at night (something she has never done in 6 years), I knew immediately something was wrong. I honestly think one day she will realize even though I didn't give her the attention she deserved I always cared about her; pushed her to save $$, spend less on presents & dining out, stop fake tanning (cancer), and always encouraged/pushed her to have a successful career. Maybe this was the wrong approach but I always wanted the best for her. Now she is going to bang this guy and who knows how many others, maybe get an STD because her friends say she should "play the field", and when it is all said and done, she MAYBE just MAYBE will come back and say "i regret leaving you". But by then it will have been too late, and I feel like a failure for letting all this happen to me and her. Am I delusional or does this sound somewhat accurate?
cavalier99 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Even if you were distant at time and took some thing for granted i believe you that you deeply cared for/loved her and that you liked looking out for her. I did the same. I was always there helping her, buy car(s), fix her cable, buy and set up computer , go to doctor with her, help her family..the list goes on and on. At the end of the day she knows you did these things and she did love you and you her. The issue is. IT IS OVER. Cry get it out. However, You need to try to stop reliving every detail. Including what she is doing. Assume she is f-king the entire football team. It is self preservation time. No more reliving gory details/ analysis or the past. She was at fault also..not just you. So stop the blame game. Get angry at your self and her. Then forgive both of you..and do it again until it loses its power. You'll get through this. Ive said this before in another post. Read thread bellow: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/358468-worth-sending-her-e-mail#post4405609 I myself adhere to the 2 Ball philosophy. Never give then both away in any relationship. (I did this in my early relationship, and even in a latter one with regret) Maybe give one to the one you love but 2 is way to much!!! Try this excercise to monitor auto correct your thoughts and actions: If you are doing something that makes you feel like balls are shrinking it is BAD . EVEN if you are enjoying if for the moment. If you feel more confident/ testicles in place...it is GOOD Imagine all the good times you had with her. Really feel them. Weren't they great?? It was true love. It was one of the best moments/experiences of your life. .....NOW check your ball size. See what I mean?
Tiera D Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I think your Alpha male ego bruised,are you sure you even love her still, sit back and really consider do you really love her? or is it your ego speaking and you have already considered her your "property" Anyway concerning the rest i agree with most posters here TD 1
Author denxnis Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 So my family, out of respect for me, deleted my ex gf from facebook today. I did not give them any details or bad mouth her... Tonight she messaged me, "What did you tell your family Dennis." If she is so In-love with her coworker than why care what my family thinks of her? Why contact me? I'm on 3 days NC, blocked her from chat, and plan to maintain NC. Any thoughts? Should I tell her I didn't bad mouth her? I don't want to be a bad person, the last time I spoke with her I left her with "I'm happy for you".
cavalier99 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 (edited) Tiera D not sure if you were posting referring to me or the OP. You might be right about the alpha male bruised to an extent. I think your comment is insightful. I can only speak for my situation. I did love her more than anything but after being cheated on and getting back together ecetera over the years it was definitely hard to trust and get back to where we were before. I personally should have left years before and would have saved us both wasted time and more heart break. I did love her and never considered her my property. However you might be right about being somewhat possesive at moments in the relationship. I personally spent time "winning her back" a couple times and went thru hell to do it. this process changed things and may have made having her by my side more important than loving her at times. Not healthy. I got what i wanted and we did love again..but not like before. I guess we need to be careful what we wish for. As far as my analogies referring to getting ones balls back. I feel it might be a bit over the top. However We all need confidence and it seems to resonate especially with some of the younger crowd and seemed to help a couple people. I felt more like that in my early 20's with 2 failed relationships and it helped. It is different now getting over this and im not so alpha inspite of how my comments might be read. I personally just want to feel better, learn form this and move on. What a ride! Thanks for your comments. Edited November 27, 2012 by cavalier99 1
cavalier99 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I'm on 3 days NC, blocked her from chat, and plan to maintain NC. Any thoughts? Should I tell her I didn't bad mouth her? I don't want to be a bad person, the last time I spoke with her I left her with "I'm happy for you". NC is NC. No need to say anything. You will be fine and need to stop worrying about her. She isnt with you any more. Everyone needs to move on in their own way. Worry about you right now. "Being nice" and messaging back to her isnt helpful for anybody..it just prolong the pain for both of you. Take mercy on her and yourself and say nothing.
Author denxnis Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 NC is NC. No need to say anything. You will be fine and need to stop worrying about her. She isnt with you any more. Everyone needs to move on in their own way. Worry about you right now. "Being nice" and messaging back to her isnt helpful for anybody..it just prolong the pain for both of you. Take mercy on her and yourself and say nothing. You are wise, great advice... If you are ever near Sacramento, CA I would buy you a beer or good dinner or something. Have a great night! 1
cavalier99 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 You are wise, great advice... If you are ever near Sacramento, CA I would buy you a beer or good dinner or something. Have a great night! Thanks bud! Im glad i can help...helps me too. I occasionally have a moment of clarity thru the haze . Ill take you up on it if I'm out your way. I'm here in Washington D.C. . Who knows, in a month or so maybe ill need to get away from the cold. California sounds good right now. And it is away from my EX lol. Take care. 1
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