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Posted

So my man and I have been in a LDR for the past 3 months! I have 3 more months to go before I go home.

At the beginning it was great, we kept constant communication, but as time went by it has been deteriorating.

Now he sends me a text like once a day, and I feel that I need more than that, seeing as we don't get to see each other. Sometimes I call him and he doesnt pick up, and he doesnt bother returning my call. My texts are seldom responded to.

 

I have already told him that this really hurts me, and that I think we should at least keep communicating. I usually have so much to tell him sometimes but most times he is unreachable. When I express my concern he tells me that I am right and that he will change. but he never does.

 

It hurts me that our communication has deteriorated but what hurts most is that he never even tells me why he doesnt respond to my texts or calls.

The other day he told me that he knows that sometimes he disappoints me, but I should know he cares.

 

I am just wondering if its unfair for me to expect more from him.

If not, how do I best handle this?

Posted

Imo communication is paramount in a LDR if either party can't or doesn't want to communicate then it simply won't work. I have been in a "relationship" with my girlfriend for almost the last year.

 

The reason I put relationship in quotation marks is because we had not actually met in person until a few weeks ago, which went fantastically. We are now officially a couple but before hand we kept it pretty secret from most.

 

Constant communication is very important for us. We use either skype or whatapps on our phones send each other photos and messages through out the day and chat on the phone when it suits both of us (large time zone difference).

 

The few times were we weren't in constant communication we let each other well in advance that communication might be a bit sporadic for a set period of time (i.e exams, travel etc). LDR require a lot of patience and understanding from both sides and most of all trust. I read so much about LDR were people go crazy wondering what their partner is doing.

 

As I said communication is paramount in LDR so you need to ask him about this and explain how you feel. If he doesn't change or reciprocate then maybe you need to reassess if this relationship is really good for you.

  • Like 2
Posted

I totally agree, ldr's drive people crazy enough without wondering what your other half is doing

Posted

Have you guys met in real life?

  • Author
Posted

Million, yes we have met in real life and been in a relationship for 7 months before i had to leave.

Posted

LDR are hard work by themselves and the biggest way to make them work is with regular communication otherwise what's the point?

 

Talk to him, if things don't change start to evaluate why you are in this in the first place.

Posted

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. To find happiness you must first find peace of mind. You must be honest with yourself and what you need from the relationship. You have spoken to him about your feelings but I get the impression his response is not enough. Some people are happy with one message a day or quick phone calls and others need more. Ask yourself what do I want? You have spoken to him about how you feel and he has made no effort to change or provide a explanation in his decrease in contact. Maybe approach him again?

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

Thank you all for your response. I did talk to him about this again, and he has changed, we are now back to constant communication. I am trying to have faith in him and in the relationship, but he usually just changes for two days and then, he is back to the old ways that I was complaining about. I guess I will just have to wait and see...

Thanks again.

Posted

Just try to talk with him as much as you can, maybe get Skype and just have him on it. Even if you don't talk constantly, if you ever have something to say, you can do it right away and it's much nicer to say something than send it via text message. :)

Posted

Hi, I have been in a similar situation. Moved away for work 2 months ago and ever since then the communication with my bf got less and less. I told him many times that I need more than 3 short text messages a day and he promised to change but never did.

 

On Thursday was our Anniversary and all I got was one short and lame text. Then I did not hear from him all day, but saw that he posted a few things on facebook throughout the day. So I got really upset and send him a text saying that this hurts me and it feels like he does not want to be my boyfriend anymore. His reply? He broke up with me via text saying that if I felt this way we should probably not be together.

 

We have exchanged two emails since then and I have told him I did not want to break up, but wanted to work on our issues. But he just kept repeating that obviously he can't give me what I need and so we should not be together. He also already changed his relationship status on facebook and he is a man in his 30ies, so not the emotional teenager that posts every feeling on facebook.

 

The point of my post is to tell you think about what you want and what you are willing to accept. I would have flown back in a month and maybe everything would have been fine then, but because I blew up about his lack of conversation he broke up with me. I am not saying you should not tell him that it bothers you, but that you should be careful with your words and tone. I would do anything to take back that one text.

  • Author
Posted
Hi, I have been in a similar situation. Moved away for work 2 months ago and ever since then the communication with my bf got less and less. I told him many times that I need more than 3 short text messages a day and he promised to change but never did.

 

On Thursday was our Anniversary and all I got was one short and lame text. Then I did not hear from him all day, but saw that he posted a few things on facebook throughout the day. So I got really upset and send him a text saying that this hurts me and it feels like he does not want to be my boyfriend anymore. His reply? He broke up with me via text saying that if I felt this way we should probably not be together.

 

We have exchanged two emails since then and I have told him I did not want to break up, but wanted to work on our issues. But he just kept repeating that obviously he can't give me what I need and so we should not be together. He also already changed his relationship status on facebook and he is a man in his 30ies, so not the emotional teenager that posts every feeling on facebook.

 

The point of my post is to tell you think about what you want and what you are willing to accept. I would have flown back in a month and maybe everything would have been fine then, but because I blew up about his lack of conversation he broke up with me. I am not saying you should not tell him that it bothers you, but that you should be careful with your words and tone. I would do anything to take back that one text.

 

I am so sorry about your situation. I think your bf wanted to break up with you before that text, the text just gave him an excuse to do it.

Thank you for your advice though.

  • Like 1
Posted

You are welcome. Good luck! Hope your situation turns out different than mine.

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