ElDesperado Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 This is what I really thought but I was wrong. When I cheated, I didn't even have sex with the other girl. It was making-out and some caressing. Yes it was wrong and a mistake. When my now ex gf found out several days later, she refused to hear any explanation. Last word she said ''It would be better if we don't talk'' and it's now been 6 months later. Nothing One of my male friends did worst. He slept with another girl last year and nope, his gf wasn't forgiving at all. Last thing I heard she is now dating someone else. I really regret this and would do anything to have her back but she is dead on not wanting to even see me. It happened one day when we were arguing and I left in anger. During that moment, I went partying with my friends and that's when it happened. But I stopped it before it led to more because I already felt terrible and left the party.
lukas Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Few people regardless of gender are very forgiving of infidelity and I think that is something to keep in mind. From my readings on this forum and my talks with various friends, I've come to realise that we have common responses to the discovery that one's significant other has been unfaithful... Why should I expect woman to be any more forgiving than I would be? 2
Author ElDesperado Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 Few people regardless of gender are very forgiving of infidelity and I think that is something to keep in mind.I know this now, unfortunately . Though, from other stories, I heard a woman is more likely to work it out and be more understanding than any of us would. I still missed her but can't do anything more. I've already tried everything and nothing is gonna change her mind; not even if I were to take her to the most expensive restaurant or took her on a trip.
Author ElDesperado Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 Why should I expect woman to be any more forgiving than I would be?I would forgive if she kissed another guy and it was only a drunken mistake. Then again, I'm probably only saying this because I did that myself.
lukas Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 I would forgive if she kissed another guy and it was only a drunken mistake. I've been on both sides of that one. I never told her when I did knowing it would cause more drama than it was worth (thankfully there were no witnesses)... With another girl, I accepted her story of having only kissed someone since I had no proof otherwise until much later. She minimised what happened that evening and it went much further as I later found out. In future I will not be so trusting.
Author ElDesperado Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 I've been on both sides of that one. I never told her when I did knowing it would cause more drama than it was worth (thankfully there were no witnesses)...I wasn't ever going to tell her as I knew it was a once mistake that I never intend to repeat again. But unfortunately, someone must have seen it and report it to her. Till this day I don't know who it was. When my ex then questioned me, well nothing else I could do than admit it, to which she replied ''it's over''.
lukas Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 I wasn't ever going to tell her as I knew it was a once mistake that I never intend to repeat again. But unfortunately, someone must have seen it and report it to her. Till this day I don't know who it was. When my ex then questioned me, well nothing else I could do than admit it, to which she replied ''it's over''. Not much you can do then, although some people will steadfastly deny until you can find a rather elaborate way to catch them. That said, she's lost virtually all trust for you and I doubt she feels it would be worthwhile to even attempt for her to rebuild what you may have had. 2
Author ElDesperado Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 That said, she's lost virtually all trust for you and I doubt she feels it would be worthwhile to even attempt for her to rebuild what you may have had.I know. Such a nice girl I lost right there. She was different from one of my previous ex gf. All I can say is I did loved her and still do but will be now moving on. Sadly, I'll have to bury this.
Emilia Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I'm always pleased when I read it that a cheater isn't taken back or isn't forgiven. I don't know what your argument was about but clearly she drew some conclusions about your character and acted accordingly. The more people do this, the better. I'm all for self-respect, backbone and integrity. Good on your ex girlfriend. 4
GSB81 Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I'm not trying to kick you while you're down, but you got what you deserve. You will never know how much it hurts until it happens to you. Learn from this and hope karma doesn't really exist. 1
Author ElDesperado Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 I don't know what your argument was about but clearly she drew some conclusions about your character and acted accordingly.My argument was that at least I stopped it from it going further and left the party because I was already feeling terrible. It really was an honest mistake; something way out of character. And well in my stupidity I though making-out and some fonding wasn't as bad as sleeping with someone else. I really thought that would be worked out. Needless to say, I had trouble sleeping that day and pretending that nothing happened. That's how terrible I felt. I had gotten into arguments with previous girls before but it never got to the point of getting drunk to the point of cheating.
Author ElDesperado Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 You will never know how much it hurts until it happens to you. Learn from this and hope karma doesn't really exist.You're right, I don't know what it feels like to get cheated on but I will work it out if a girl did what I did. I get the feeling that if I ever get cheated on, I'll suddenly become a forgiving guy.
lukas Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I get the feeling that if I ever get cheated on, I'll suddenly become a forgiving guy. Quite the opposite, you will be come far more embittered and spiteful
dasein Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 No, OP, despite the entirety of modern culture and entertainment pounding the perfect sainthood and nobility of women and the depravity of men into our heads, they are no better nor worse than men, and no more nor less forgiving generally of cheating, which is as it should be. Hope you have learned that cheating of any type causes pain to your partner and selfish bad decisions made in the moment can be costly ones. Good luck moving forward in life. 1
Pinknlatn Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 I'm always pleased when I read it that a cheater isn't taken back or isn't forgiven. I don't know what your argument was about but clearly she drew some conclusions about your character and acted accordingly. The more people do this, the better. I'm all for self-respect, backbone and integrity. Good on your ex girlfriend. I agree 100% You obviously didn't deserve such an amazing girl. I'm sure she'll find a real man who will treat her right and make her happy in no time. Thank god she's not one of those stupid girls who take cheaters back. Now reminisce in pain at what you lost, because I bet you'll never find another like her. 1
aussietigerwolf Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 I'd be heartbroken and I wouldn't take the guy back 1
MYCluciferase Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 ElDesperado, I feel for you that you're getting bashed by just about everyone here. I've been carried away in situations with women after some drinks, and only just managed to stop myself because I remembered who I was with at the time, and how much they meant to me. You did that; you did some making out, but you stopped yourself from going further. It's too bad that your ex couldn't let you apologize and work past it. Sorry, but I guess you should move on, bud.
Author ElDesperado Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 ElDesperado, I feel for you that you're getting bashed by just about everyone here. I've been carried away in situations with women after some drinks, and only just managed to stop myself because I remembered who I was with at the time, and how much they meant to me. You did that; you did some making out, but you stopped yourself from going further. It's too bad that your ex couldn't let you apologize and work past it. Sorry, but I guess you should move on, bud.This makes me even regret admitting it when she questioned me about it. I could have deny it and she would have believed it. Though I would then be living with the burden, that would still be punishment for me anyways. There was no actually proof other than another person's word.
Author ElDesperado Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 Now reminisce in pain at what you lost, because I bet you'll never find another like her.I'm moving on already.
serial muse Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 This makes me even regret admitting it when she questioned me about it. I could have deny it and she would have believed it. Though I would then be living with the burden, that would still be punishment for me anyways. There was no actually proof other than another person's word. Sadly, what this shows is that you really didn't learn anything from this. You are now trying to convince yourself that it was an "honest mistake" rather than a choice on your part. And to add insult to injury, you're actually shifting some blame to her for her choice, too. She didn't "owe" you forgiveness, you know. And certainly not when you aren't really remorseful. So the plan going forward is to just deny and lie? Swell. 1
Author ElDesperado Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 She didn't "owe" you forgiveness, you know. And certainly not when you aren't really remorseful.I was and still am but I'm also upset at myself for doing this. Thus, why I'm still single and haven't dated other girls since. It was a mistake indeed, yes a bad choice but still a mistake.
Chi townD Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Aren't women more forgiving?!?!?! HELL NO!!!! You've heard the phrase, "Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned"? Someone thought that saying up with good reason. Women are the MOST stubborn creatures on the planet! And when they make their mind up about something it takes an act of congress AND divine intervention to get them to change it! Even if what they're being stubborn about is unreasonable...doesn't matter. Oh! and a woman is NEVER wrong.....they may be mistaken...but NEVER wrong!
Negative Nancy Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 I didn't even have sex with the other girl. It was making-out and some caressing. Yes it was wrong and a mistake. When my now ex gf found out several days later, she refused to hear any explanation. Last word she said ''It would be better if we don't talk'' and it's now been 6 months later. Nothing One of my male friends did worst. He slept with another girl last year and nope, his gf wasn't forgiving at all. Last thing I heard she is now dating someone else. Serves you right, cheaters should never be forgiven. If more women did this, maybe men would think and stop. You got what you deserved, I salute your ex. No sympathies for you whatsoever.
Negative Nancy Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 I'm always pleased when I read it that a cheater isn't taken back or isn't forgiven. I don't know what your argument was about but clearly she drew some conclusions about your character and acted accordingly. The more people do this, the better. I'm all for self-respect, backbone and integrity. Good on your ex girlfriend. I agree completely. The worst part is that he didn't even come clean about it and never intended to. Cheaters are scum and should never be given a 2nd chance. Like I said, if more women did this, probably less men would destroy the relationship like this. A cheater can never be trusted again, and why should they? They probably entered the relationship with the unspoken agreement that both parties would be loyal, yet the cheater already broke that agreement once then, so why should the betrayed partner believe that it's never going to happen again? Besides, most cheater aren't remorseful because they cheated - they only feel bad because they got caught and their comfortable relationship with the dumb, trusting partner is over.
El Brujo Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 IME quite the opposite of forgiving... they're the champion grudge-holders.
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