waterwoman Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 First time since before d-day. She works in the same school as H, on the same site as the school my eldest kids go to. H and I were there seeing eldest lad off on a trip to Space Camp in Alabama.(I was already feeling a bit wobbly - he may be 15 but he's still my baby and it's a loooong way away) And she walked past us, so close I could have touched her. Apart from one nasty text I have had no contact with her at all since I found out. At first it was as if I'd had an electric shock - a real physical jolt. And then I just felt sad and a bit sorry for her - she seemed so small and ordinary, and looked really awkward to see us there together. I have wasted so much time amd angst on her. H didn't notice, OW walked straight past without looking at me. Well that's that little milestone over with. Phew!
lukas Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 If you're lucky you will be able to avoid her in the future. This is the kind of person you do not need to be around and do not want in your life. Best of luck
Spark1111 Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 First time since before d-day. She works in the same school as H, on the same site as the school my eldest kids go to. H and I were there seeing eldest lad off on a trip to Space Camp in Alabama.(I was already feeling a bit wobbly - he may be 15 but he's still my baby and it's a loooong way away) And she walked past us, so close I could have touched her. Apart from one nasty text I have had no contact with her at all since I found out. At first it was as if I'd had an electric shock - a real physical jolt. And then I just felt sad and a bit sorry for her - she seemed so small and ordinary, and looked really awkward to see us there together. I have wasted so much time amd angst on her. H didn't notice, OW walked straight past without looking at me. Well that's that little milestone over with. Phew! glad you experienced that! I remember my IC discouraging contacting the OW as his job was to spare me additional pain while I worked on healing the pain of betrayal and my marriage. In retrospect, not good advice. She took on almost mythic proportions in my already runaway imagination. When I finally spoke with her, she was NOTHING like I'd thought she would be. Over the top drama queen who alternated between contempt, arrogance, insecurity and histrionics. The down side? I told him, for that woman? You almost threw us away for that? It would have lasted all of three weeks. In fact, that IS as long as it lasted after DDay, exposure, throwing him out, and he moving in with her, which I would not find out for six months. yes, more than ordinary. Unhinged too.
frozensprouts Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 I actually met her face to face a few times...the first few times he thought she could intimidate me, but when that didn't work, she suddenly became afraid of me. i never understood that...I'm not exactly a very scary person... 2
Author waterwoman Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 glad you experienced that! She took on almost mythic proportions in my already runaway imagination. Precisely. And I already knew her! But not having seen her since H's birthday party a month before d-day, I had allowed myself to picture as something quite different. The odd thing is that I feel guilty now. I am almost feeling as if I was wrong for asking H to go NC with her. Her life isn't good and maybe H was making her happier. But I couldn't share him, I just couldn't. Whoa! I need to stop bl**dy thinking about it all. That way madness lies!!!
Snowflower Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 (edited) Precisely. And I already knew her! But not having seen her since H's birthday party a month before d-day, I had allowed myself to picture as something quite different. The odd thing is that I feel guilty now. I am almost feeling as if I was wrong for asking H to go NC with her. Her life isn't good and maybe H was making her happier. But I couldn't share him, I just couldn't. Whoa! I need to stop bl**dy thinking about it all. That way madness lies!!! The OW was at your H's birthday? As for feeling bad/guilty, honestly, how can you feel like this? He is your husband; he is ethically and legally "yours"...if he chooses to be married to you and you, him. No way should you feel you are in some way obligated to share him. If it is/was that important for him to "help" her, then he should go be with her. Why are excusing any of this? Even mentally? To yourself? The OW is a big girl. She knew what she was getting into. Edited November 23, 2012 by Snowflower missing words 2
Spark1111 Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Precisely. And I already knew her! But not having seen her since H's birthday party a month before d-day, I had allowed myself to picture as something quite different. The odd thing is that I feel guilty now. I am almost feeling as if I was wrong for asking H to go NC with her. Her life isn't good and maybe H was making her happier. But I couldn't share him, I just couldn't. Whoa! I need to stop bl**dy thinking about it all. That way madness lies!!! I too had empathy in my heart for a lonely D single mom raising a difficult child. I also thought, well....he fell for me and he fell for her sooooo...we must be something alike. but no, that passed in time. The more I learned of her and her life and her lies and her demonizing of me, we'll, she didn't deserve all that empathy. Because you love the man, you are trying to see her through his eyes. Don'tbother and don't waste your time. seducing a faithful married man can be as easy as shooting fish in a barrel....not too hard to do. Don't waste your empathy on her. She knew he was married. Heknew he was too. 3
frozensprouts Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Precisely. And I already knew her! But not having seen her since H's birthday party a month before d-day, I had allowed myself to picture as something quite different. The odd thing is that I feel guilty now. I am almost feeling as if I was wrong for asking H to go NC with her. Her life isn't good and maybe H was making her happier. But I couldn't share him, I just couldn't. Whoa! I need to stop bl**dy thinking about it all. That way madness lies!!! hmmm... it seems you have a really big heart...glad that your husband's behavior hasn't changed that about you... before you start feeling guilty though, remember that this woman made a fully informed choice to get involved with a married man...she's a "big girl", and unless he lives under a rock somewhere, I'm sure that she, at some point, has heard about affairs, the damage they cause, and why it's not a good idea to get into one. knowing that, she still made her choice. This isn't to say that she deserves to feel bad or that she's a bad person...rather, she's an adult and made an adult choice...whatever negative consequences there may be for her are not your responsibility...they are hers...she'll get over it, maybe learn form it, and move on and maybe use her experiences to make better choices and find happiness in the future
Author waterwoman Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 Thanks people. I guess I do tend over-empathise. It's not neccessarily a good thing as it means I can get too close to a problem and not get clarity. And I am quite sure she doesn't want my pity It seems she is living seperately from her H but they are still 'together' and attending MC. So maybe some good will come from it for her too. I don't know. There is another site I use - UK one, started off as a parenting site - where H had been painted by some as an ageing lothario seducing innocent little OW against her will . I don't go that far ...but I still feel badly for her. Still there is one thing that she had that I didn't in the situation - CHOICE!
Author waterwoman Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 Anyway who gives a stuff about all this nonsense at the moment? My lovely boy is flying over the Atlantic and only my constant thoughts and worry is keeping that plane in the air! I have to concentrate. <<<< sends concentrate really hard and avoid turbulence vibes to pilot>>>>
MsDecember Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I don't know if I could have been as graceful if the OW were in my prescence. Although I decided to Divorce, I always wondered about the OW. Well when I finally saw her, I laughed to myself. She is a nerdy little geek girl. Just not at all what I expected her to be. I also know My EXH very well and she was just not fitting the mold for me. Flat ass, no boobs and no curves. I know EX and he likes some curves. SO I laughed to myself. I know he loves her money and the way she pays for everything, and has even told me that.
MsDecember Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 It's very often said that most people affair "down." Your husband obviously did. Why thank you!! I agree he did affair down, but he's a manchild and wanted somone to kiss his boo boo's and such! I need a man and I already have babies! )
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