Hopeful714 Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Upon my BU I became well schooled in learning about personality disorders and found that my ex matched the characteristics of a narcissist and possibly bi-polar to a tee. I see in your posts you are well versed in this as well. I am having such a difficult time with this BU. At this point it really isn't about missing him as much as it is coming to terms with what happened to me, and how someone I was close to lied, manipulated, and used me for their own gain...of what ever that was. Part of me wonders if by labeling him as the above, am I acting the woman scorned, or looking for an excuse to a relationship that just failed and I was ultimately rejected? Am I victimizing him to make myself feel better? I feel like such a fool. Also, I'm having much difficulty accepting and believing that these types of people really do exist because I cant even imagine being that way. I know they have no empathy. I know they are evil. I know they get some sort of sick satisfaction from "taking" from others. I know they are selfish. This makes me sick inside to know someone "preyed" upon me. It has rattled me to the core. I could be a pretty tough cookie, I've been through a lot in life but I always had a good heart and am good to people. I am so angry and hurt that at times I want revenge...although I know I'd never do anything. It burns my a** that as this person goes about life happy as a pig in s**t, and as they are most likely celebrating this holiday with their new unknowing gf, here I am feeling like a shell of a person. He played a game with me. And he knows this and doesn't care. Now that the mask is off, and I know what he is, he is completely gone. I have these irrational fears that he sits and laughs or is impressed with himself about how he got his way with me and ultimately won "the game." I am disturbed beyond belief about all this. How the F does one deal with with these feelings?
theLWord Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 It's not irrational to try to find a reason for terrible treatment. My ex was manipulative, a compulsive liar, and just extreme with her emotions. I told my therapist stories and she told me it sounded like my ex had traits of borderline personality traits, but she couldnt properly diagnose her of course. I read about this and it was like her to a t. Always playing the victim, terrible abandonment issues. I was so scarred from the treatment I endured. She would constantly gaslight me, make it all my fault. It was certainly a new type of abuse I hadn't been exposed to. My conclusion was, I was spending too much time trying to figure out the whys. I know the reasons I left, one alone would have made a sane person left, but I stuck around. Then I decided never again will I subject myself to someone like this. It doesn't matter why she's like that, but I'm not going to be abused. It takes a lot for these people to change and the first part is acceptance. I couldn't get her to admit to anything and suddenly the lies she told, didn't occur. I decided to stop trying to save her, counsel, or fix her, and she wanted all of that. Try not to worry about the whys, just be glad you are out. I recommend a therapist too because this type of abuse is traumatizing.
theLWord Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 One more thing, they might seem happy, but they aren't just going to change their ways. Liars don't even know themselves at all, thats why they lie. It's a fake person. Whoever your ex is with will do the same thing to someone new.
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