moveONorStay Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 I have a few previous threads detailing my break up with my ex just over a couple of months ago. I broke up with her and have had a tinge of regret ever since. It's been over a month since we last spoke and I haven't seen her since the day I broke up with her. I have tried a couple of times to get in touch but she has ignored me, which I suppose is her way of getting over things and moving on. Understandable. Our relationship was only 6 months long, but the summer of 2012 was one filled with laughter, fun and love followed by a fairly swift and acrimonious break up. A premature end for sure, as there really was great potential. Since it's thanksgiving, I was thinking of sending an email basically thanking this girl for the great times we had together, maybe detailing a few of my favorite memories with her and telling her that I've missed her being around. All I want to achieve from this message is to let her know that I'm glad to have spent the time I did with her and wish her well. As much as I would like to think that one day we might talk again, I know it's unlikely. But in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I just wanted to let her know that I am thankful for her. I'm not from the US and not sure how this (American) girl might receive such a message...so I'm basically looking for advice on whether this would be a nice thing to do or if it's really stupid and potentially hurtful to her. Because I would never want that. She had always talked about thanksgiving being her favorite holiday and looking forward to spending it with me. (unfortunately didn't make it that far!) Thoughts appreciated!
LostOne1 Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 tough to say.. I know with christmas and new years coming up.. I'd feel like sending something to my ex too. But part of me keeps saying NO.. I mean I'm finally getting over her and I don't think my ex would want to hear from me after NC for a month. I think it's up to you.. but if it's an excuse for you to contact her.. then I don't know. I don't think wishing someone something good is a bad thing. But it all depends on the breakup and person. If it was me.. I'd leave it. I don't think she would respond back unless she has already contacted you.
movingon12 Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Honestly, I wouldn't. Think of how she would react when she gets it (especially if you're not American she probably would never expect it) If it was so good, why did he end it? Why is he trying to remind me of the good times we had together - I know it was good, *he* was the one that broke it off! Is he just try to string me along? If he says he misses me, does that mean he wants to get back together? Should I reply? If I don't reply does that mean I'm a cow? Should I wait to see if he writes again? What if he's waiting for me to reply? etc etc etc etc It will make you feel better, I doubt it would make her feel better.
2sunny Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 No. Not unless you intend to continue hurting her by your constant contact. 1
Author moveONorStay Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 Interesting set of thoughts! Certainly no attempt to be hurtful or I'd never do it... The primary purpose would be to just remind her that we did actually have a great time together and that I did value the relationship. I wouldn't send this email to get any kind of reaction, I don't think she is ready to talk to me or she would have contacted me already. Simply want her to know she is in my thoughts, I'm not bitter and remind her that there were some special times we shared.
2sunny Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Interesting set of thoughts! Certainly no attempt to be hurtful or I'd never do it... The primary purpose would be to just remind her that we did actually have a great time together and that I did value the relationship. I wouldn't send this email to get any kind of reaction, I don't think she is ready to talk to me or she would have contacted me already. Simply want her to know she is in my thoughts, I'm not bitter and remind her that there were some special times we shared. That doesn't matter - you didn't think enough of her to keep dating her so leave her alone!
Author moveONorStay Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 That doesn't matter - you didn't think enough of her to keep dating her so leave her alone! At the time, she did something fairly bad that could have ended a good friendship I have. I have since forgiven her for it. But I know that she probably feels that I chose my friendship over her when really both would have been fine had she not interfered (she sent an email from my phone saying I couldn't do business with this female friend because she was insecure and jealous) I think if someone reached out to me with well wishes I would respond positively to it. Do see your point though, maybe it would be insensitive of me and perhaps contacting her would only be fanning the flames so soon after the relationship ended.
movingon12 Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Interesting set of thoughts! Certainly no attempt to be hurtful or I'd never do it... The primary purpose would be to just remind her that we did actually have a great time together and that I did value the relationship. I wouldn't send this email to get any kind of reaction, I don't think she is ready to talk to me or she would have contacted me already. Simply want her to know she is in my thoughts, I'm not bitter and remind her that there were some special times we shared. A great time...but not great enough. You valued the relationship....but didn't value it enough. Special times....that weren't special enough. I'm sure you're not bitter, but then - you're the one that broke up with her, so why would you be bitter? (I'm sure there's 2 sides etc but you see my point). Just think: will this make *her* feel good, or will it make *you* feel good and her feel rejected again? "I think about you a lot and I remember all the great times we had together (but you're not good enough to make me want you)". (I realise you won't actually say that last part - but that's the underlying meaning).
Author moveONorStay Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 A great time...but not great enough. You valued the relationship....but didn't value it enough. Special times....that weren't special enough. I'm sure you're not bitter, but then - you're the one that broke up with her, so why would you be bitter? (I'm sure there's 2 sides etc but you see my point). Just think: will this make *her* feel good, or will it make *you* feel good and her feel rejected again? "I think about you a lot and I remember all the great times we had together (but you're not good enough to make me want you)". (I realise you won't actually say that last part - but that's the underlying meaning). Ultimately, I do want her...I'd actually do anything to work it out with her, even try to help her through her issues of insecurity, mood swings etc that I understand so much more now.
2sunny Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 You don't even have thanksgiving there - so it's a joke that you would even use that excuse to play on her feelings.
Author moveONorStay Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 You don't even have thanksgiving there - so it's a joke that you would even use that excuse to play on her feelings. Well I do live in the US now, so have kinda adopted the thanksgiving holiday even though my family all lives in my home country. I still value the holiday! I feel like I've been sternly told off here!!!!
movingon12 Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Ultimately, I do want her...I'd actually do anything to work it out with her, even try to help her through her issues of insecurity, mood swings etc that I understand so much more now. Well that's a whole different kettle of fish. If you want to write to her to say you want to get back together, and you understand why it didn't work out the first time and you've changed now and you're sorry and you want to know if she would be willing to give it another go, then maybe you should. Either she'll want to try again, or she'll get to enjoy rejecting you this time round. But no guarantee which of those 2 options she'll choose from.
LostOne1 Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Well that's a whole different kettle of fish. If you want to write to her to say you want to get back together, and you understand why it didn't work out the first time and you've changed now and you're sorry and you want to know if she would be willing to give it another go, then maybe you should. Either she'll want to try again, or she'll get to enjoy rejecting you this time round. But no guarantee which of those 2 options she'll choose from. worse yet she will be like my ex and lead you on or pull you around, because she knows she has some power over you. My ex did the same.. made me suffer, then finally wanted to meet then last minute bails out. After that I ended it with her and said I wouldn't ever talk again. I tried to fight for her and she just either was confused as hell or didn;t want it.
Author moveONorStay Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 Well that's a whole different kettle of fish. If you want to write to her to say you want to get back together, and you understand why it didn't work out the first time and you've changed now and you're sorry and you want to know if she would be willing to give it another go, then maybe you should. Either she'll want to try again, or she'll get to enjoy rejecting you this time round. But no guarantee which of those 2 options she'll choose from. I think she has already had that satisfaction of ignoring me after I tried to reach out to her previously!...although she has a history of cutting off family members and friends whenever she perceives they have wronged her. I feel that her current silent treatment is no different. I just thought it would be a nice thing to do, but with the advice here, maybe it is insensitive and could potentially open old wounds. I have already made an apology (albeit electronically because she refused to meet to talk or speak on the phone) so I suppose it's up to her now and I need to leave it alone, regardless of how much I want to try to make things right.
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