nothingleft Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 I've been/become self obsessed; wallowing, wailing, wanting my life to end, all the usual. And I came here for whatever it was I needed, answers or a helping hand, and it's good. But look at this place! Thousands on thousands of posts, all these pages, going back over 10 years. And before that, the same. The same losses, despair, for as long as people have been around we hurt each other. All of us in this boat, everyone raw and hurting and ruined, desperately trying to get help or to help others with their experience. Why are we still like this? What's the point? All the best answers in the world won't help someone until they are already on the way there. Why haven't we worked out a better way of living, or at least forgetting? I thought looking at it all would put my pain into a universal perspective, and it has, but now I feel... deadened? Perhaps it's like watching the news too much- it's too negative to take in. Why do we still feel this? After so long, humanity repeating the same stories indefinitely, God but I wish there was a secret! A way out, a new thought.
theLWord Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 I felt the same way. I read old posts from like 1998. Then I thought, 14 years ago, I guarantee these people aren't obsessing about their ex anymore. That's hopeful. I'm only about a month post break up, but I've learned, 1.) Never avoid red flags early on in the relationship. Get out. 2.) Don't lose yourself in the person you are with. 3.) Love yourself. Humans have intense emotions, we will get our heartbroken. A lot of times we think things are set in stone and that's a sure way to be let down and hurt..everything changes frequently. I hope by learning to get out of a relationship when I see red flags will help in the future. I know I'll never try to save or fix someone again. In doing that, I lost my self worth and who I was and I loved that person more than myself. I'm hoping that lessons learned help to soften blows.
Charmy Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 [ I've been repeating this to myself so many times, our society is a disposal society. All is disposal and relationships are no exception. Our ancestors had the right idea, there was no nothing no porn flics, no easy access to instant anything and what ever they had , they worked hard for it even for a woman's hand. Often I feel that people are just cowards, they retrieve at the smallest inconvenient, they can't confronte anything, it's so much easier to pretentd that everything is all right instead of addressing and resolving...And we seek advice.....ha ha ha... Hey, I was told this morning that one thing that anoyed my ex was that I asked too many questions!!!!! Sorry I thought that communication was the GLUE of relationships...I rest my case. 2
Feelin Frisky Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 I feel ya. I've spent so much of my 50 years plus life alone and reasoning. I understand why things are the way they are but often this knowledge is a burden because I've never connected with anyone really ready and willing to combine efforts--either in relationships, friendships or business. The Internet and all these forums amount to a huge filing cabinet instead of the "facilitation engine" that is just as possible. It's like a huge pacifier for people who want to express themselves but not much ever becomes of what is said. It is assumed that once said, the communication is done. No it's not. It's an illusion. Every grown up human being is a product of the same system of social development neglect. We all went through the education factory which was more concerned with its own sanctity than our potentials and we grew up not knowing that our culture was sickly over-grounded on competition, ownership and territorialism without necessary balance of formalizing COOPERATION. It simply is written out of the western way. It's "winner-take-all", "survival of the fittest", "as long as I have mine who cares about anything?" The story of Jesus Christ tries to tell us to get off our knees and get on the ball--to stand up rather than yield. But what happened? Within a short time the story was co-opted by the first mafia called the Roman Empire and they turned it right back on itself, sucking up wealth, making being impoverished a virtue, making Jesus a golden haired god to be worshipped rather than the simple but courageous man to be emulated. There are answers to everything. But when do we know we are asking the absolute best questions with the best answers at the right times with the right people? We don't. We just have to plug away at hoping and asserting ourselves and questioning. The problems of humanity overlap so many power spheres, this is no one anyone can go to to get approval for the plan that starts to fix things, but one thing people keep trying to do is to change the world when the truth is that the world can only be changed by us changing ourselves first. There are many things society still has wrong in the designs of models of education. I don't think we have any business presuming to reform education until we come to terms with the errors we have institutionalized about what we really are and how our capacities really work. For now, this is my entry into the big filing cabinet where no one will care. 1
CopingGal Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Whoa there. We are all not in the same boat. Some of us are in intense pain. Others have been through most of the pain and are now helping others. Some of us are getting our lives together. Some of us are contemplating suicide...which if you are, please don't. Please seek help. Call a hotline. 1-800-273-8255National Suicide Prevention Lifeline At one point I thought I wasn't going to survive this break up. I'm okay now and I'm looking forward to having a new relationship.
Author nothingleft Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 Yes well speaking of suicide. What the hell difference would it make? Just to me and it would be for the best. Been treated like crap from day one by men, and just took it, muddled through, accepted that they weren't right for me, went on hoping one day it would change at last. And finally it did, finally I met someone, loved them, was loved. And he turns around and is the worst of the lot? You can't say there's anyone better, because there isn't. There's just nothing and all I want is to just die and be done with it. I'm tired. I've lost any hope I had. It's been a month and I feel worse than ever. Christmas will be lonely, New Year will be worse by far. And stretching on after that is just nothing, while he leads a happy life. If I could kill two birds with one stone (as it were) I would end my own pain and hopefully inflict endless, searing guilt on him. And writing on here doesn't work, knowing this is an eternal problem doesn't help, and calling a helpline? What can they say? They don't know me, they don't know it's for the best. I don't even know why I'm still here. Every time people say how lucky I am I wasn't killed, it's damned unlucky! Nothing works, I'm indestructible but broken in pieces that can never ever be fixed. God, I hate this. This whole festering, rancid world and everyone in it, I want OUT.
Feelin Frisky Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Yes well speaking of suicide. What the hell difference would it make? Just to me and it would be for the best. Been treated like crap from day one by men, and just took it, muddled through, accepted that they weren't right for me, went on hoping one day it would change at last. And finally it did, finally I met someone, loved them, was loved. And he turns around and is the worst of the lot? You can't say there's anyone better, because there isn't. There's just nothing and all I want is to just die and be done with it. I'm tired. I've lost any hope I had. It's been a month and I feel worse than ever. Christmas will be lonely, New Year will be worse by far. And stretching on after that is just nothing, while he leads a happy life. If I could kill two birds with one stone (as it were) I would end my own pain and hopefully inflict endless, searing guilt on him. And writing on here doesn't work, knowing this is an eternal problem doesn't help, and calling a helpline? What can they say? They don't know me, they don't know it's for the best. I don't even know why I'm still here. Every time people say how lucky I am I wasn't killed, it's damned unlucky! Nothing works, I'm indestructible but broken in pieces that can never ever be fixed. God, I hate this. This whole festering, rancid world and everyone in it, I want OUT. Hey, I tried to kill myself 10 years ago come February. I took a massive dose of drugs and left a note. It should have been enough to kill a few people. But I lingered on until I was discovered and I was rescued. It took another two years before I stopped falling into the pattern of thinking things would be hopeless for me. I can't say I'm happy now but I realize that I had fallen into an illness that wasn't typical of me for all the rest of my life. I believed my death would get me out of the way so other family members could be free to not worry about me. I realize now how it would not have been taken as the generous act I thought it was but they would see it as selfish and a terrible example for everyone. You sound like you are really depressed. That's not a judgement. It's an illness where you can't just think or will your way out. Life is a fantastic privilege to have. Give yourself the chance to see that for yourself. Don't hurt yourself and throw yourself into faith that there is hope and the good will show itself. Please see a doctor and don't prescribe your own end.
BetheButterfly Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Hey, I tried to kill myself 10 years ago come February. I took a massive dose of drugs and left a note. It should have been enough to kill a few people. But I lingered on until I was discovered and I was rescued. It took another two years before I stopped falling into the pattern of thinking things would be hopeless for me. I am so glad you are ok!!!! I am so glad you did not die. I can't say I'm happy now but I realize that I had fallen into an illness that wasn't typical of me for all the rest of my life. I very much hope you have joy very soon. Happiness is temporary, depending on "happenings" that you like, but I very much hope joy becomes a part of who you are. Joy doesn't depend on happy happenings. I believed my death would get me out of the way so other family members could be free to not worry about me. I realize now how it would not have been taken as the generous act I thought it was but they would see it as selfish and a terrible example for everyone. That is so true that you would have hurt your family and friends so badly by killing yourself. One of my friend's friends killed herself and this hurt so bad her family, including her children as well as my friend and her other friends. I personally didn't know her very well, though I met her once. It hurts me how her death and her taking her own life hurts everyone who knew and loves her. You sound like you are really depressed. That's not a judgement. It's an illness where you can't just think or will your way out. Life is a fantastic privilege to have. Give yourself the chance to see that for yourself. Don't hurt yourself and throw yourself into faith that there is hope and the good will show itself. 100% agree and I had to bolden some of your quote because it's so true and beautiful!!! Please see a doctor and don't prescribe your own end. Yes OP, please don't take your life. Life is a beautiful gift. Please don't destroy this beautiful gift called life. Please get help so you can enjoy this gift of life.
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