Tree_Salmon Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 So, as some of you know, I have been meeting with old mutual friends of my ex's. I am now closing this chapter of my life for good. I broke up with my girlfriend almost a year ago after 6 years of being together. Shes been hanging around here and there but ive had trouble letting her go. After meeting with old friends theyve told me that not only was she cheating on me our entire relationship with old married men, women, and anyone who would show her some attention, but she lied to everyone in her life on a constant basis. Lost all he friends as a result. I didnt think it was this bad. In fact, i always thought our first 3 years were incredible, but she had been playing a victim since our first week of dating. She was sneaking at all times, lying to me and to everyone and generally being a horrible human being. I knew she was a cheater most recently, but i never imagined it was this deep. Turns out she would tag guys along for years and then figured i would be a good husband material to take care of her. When she realized i didnt like being controlled, she decided that she would slut herself out to everyone. I'll be honest, this made me extremely angry. I dont care what shes done now, but knowing she did this while we were together really angers me. Mostly for not seeing it. I did feel it and I would ask her about every incident i was told about, and my instincts told me she cheated every time, but i never imagined my gut was so right. My advice to anyone reading is trust your gut. I wanted to say something or call her out when i got all this information but i realized it would be best to continue NC and erase this horrible human being from my memory. Sadly, she will never know how much i loved her. 2
clueless5520669 Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 OMG - I feel like that was me writing those feelings and describing my ex. Although not similar to your situation - the lying to everyone, cheating etc where similar to my ex of 2 years who also had genuinely loved me through it all (which I now perceive as just an act because I was the most caring of them all). I too, neglected my gut feelings and recommend anyone having those - speak up before you drag it on. 3 years of manipulation, deception, and selfishness on her part. If you feel your being neglected in any way or being let down in some form - speak up right away. If they love you, they will listen and make time and correct things.
shayla Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 The way she acted during your time together, she basically cheated herself out of a real,loving relationship. A liar can never be themselves,Their whole focus has to be on the lies they've told and not being caught in them.It's like an entire life that is outside of the relationship, and is a lonely existence for them. It sucks to be them. My relationship turned out to be that way. My ex lied pretty much from day one. He lived a double life and married another woman 2 months after dumping me. From the other woman, I found out that he had been dating, and sleeping with other women during our entire relationship and I don't think I have ever been so angry in my life as when I found this out. It took me at least a year of being enraged before I finally got over it. I could have prevented all of this if I had listened to my gut. I got a warning the first week of our relationship and I ignored it. Lesson learned. 1
21flames Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Seriously my relationship was simialr, I have no exact details of how many or who, I only found out once then she booted me out saying it's are problems, then 2 months later moved in with a new man, wont go into loads of detail as my story is on here already. While I was going mad on here, someone posted and said ' did this happen to you' IF LOOKS COULD KILL - Anatomy of a Borderline I couldn't believe it was the last 6 years of my life. No one can say for sure but take a look and see if it might be. It has certainly helped me a lot as I have been able to find a support site specifically for it.
blue_jay_bird Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 She does seem like a bitch. cheater, lier. Why did it last 6 years? I mean, if you reflect on that maybe you can learn to not make the same mistake.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 She does seem like a bitch. cheater, lier. Why did it last 6 years? I mean, if you reflect on that maybe you can learn to not make the same mistake. I kept asking myself how i didnt notice it. I mean i'm so good at seeing through people but she must have been a great liar. Think of the effort it took to live that other life. What a waste of time. She clearly has massive mental issues. Shes an even bigger mess now than when we were together. The first three years were golden. We spent so much time together I didnt think she ever had time to cheat. Then again I had 3 jobs and she had NONE. I mean according to these people she DID love me but didnt know how to deal with any of those emotions. The fact that I had a life outside of her really bothered her and once she cheated the first time there was no stopping her. She would count every affair as a victory. And then convince herself she wasn't a bad person. Thinking back, I just figured it was her general crazyness. Disgusting.
TopCat22 Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 You never want to see the lies. When you love someone you will do anything to not believe what is staring you in the face. It took me 2 months after I'd broken up with my ex to really face up to the reality. Before that I was so in love with her I didn't want to believe she was capable of cheating on me. Now the fog has lifted and I see her for what she is: a liar and a cheat. Hard lesson learned. You just have to hope it makes you wiser and stronger for the future and pray that you can trust someone again.
Emilia Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 but she had been playing a victim since our first week of dating. She was sneaking at all times, lying to me and to everyone and generally being a horrible human being. so you were with her for 6 years because...
Author Tree_Salmon Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 You never want to see the lies. When you love someone you will do anything to not believe what is staring you in the face. It took me 2 months after I'd broken up with my ex to really face up to the reality. Before that I was so in love with her I didn't want to believe she was capable of cheating on me. Now the fog has lifted and I see her for what she is: a liar and a cheat. Hard lesson learned. You just have to hope it makes you wiser and stronger for the future and pray that you can trust someone again. Well i made sure to give myself enough time (a year) to move forward. Ive met some great women along the way but I'm currently seeing one in particular that seems to be the exact opposite of my psycho slut ex. Taking it slow. But it still bothers me to know I was not aware of anything that was happening behind my back. Either way I don't regret anything. I learned allot from all of this.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 so you were with her for 6 years because... She hid it very well. Always played like she was the happiest girl in the world with me and that she wanted to marry me and have kids. I didn't know any better. I figured when your girlfriend of 3 years tells you shes extremely happy every day you should believe her.
Emilia Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 It amazes me how both men and women stick around for complete liars who treat them with disrespect. It's like you think you will get some great prize at the end of it and yet every single time it ends in tears. Astonishing. 1
Emilia Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 She hid it very well. Always played like she was the happiest girl in the world with me and that she wanted to marry me and have kids. I didn't know any better. I figured when your girlfriend of 3 years tells you shes extremely happy every day you should believe her. I don't know. I think half the time people just don't want to see.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 I don't know. I think half the time people just don't want to see. That's not me. The second I caught her lying i dumped her. I truly didnt see it. I put all my cards out on the table when we met. She knew I'd be gone if I saw that kind of sh*t. She was very good at keeping things secret. I'm usually very very good at figuring this out. But, you do have a point- later in the relationship i did ignore my gut instincts because i didnt want any confrontation. Mostly because life was stressful enough as it was without her issues.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 I dont get it sometimes. I spent about 6 months setting the boundaries for our relationship when we met. we were both so excited to be together. We were best friends and she knew about my previous horrible relationships and gave me the type of stuff that i hear on here all the time. We said that if we ever got unhappy or felt like cheating, we would let one another know. She was supposed to be the one who WASN'T like the rest. She specifically marketed herself to me that way. She was supposed to be the "right" one. and the rest didn't count because they were "dumb bitches who didn't know what they had" I made sure she wasn't like the rest. Six years later, here we are. We seemed to be having a blast those first three years. Why tell me how much you love and appreciate me every night if you really don't? I don't buy all of it. I think she just had massive self realization issues. If there wasn't love or affection there i would have left after the first year. I guess its just in her nature to be as insecure as she was. She needed backup plans at all times.
CptSaveAho Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 You had the blinders on You said yourself you set up the boundaries... and crossed your fingers and hoped they would stay in place Problem with women is they like to push boundaries and make them crash. If you let them get away with one thing, they are going to naturally try and get away with another. If you hold firm to your boundaries, they will respect you more. I think you just gave up after 3 years (which happens) and expected everything to stay the same and thats not how relationships work. Always be on your toes Boundaries are something you set for yourself. Something like "I will not be in a relationship with a cheater" You cant hold your significant other accountable to your boundary, its yours. If she cheats, its your job to get up and leave the relationship
Author Tree_Salmon Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 You had the blinders on You said yourself you set up the boundaries... and crossed your fingers and hoped they would stay in place Problem with women is they like to push boundaries and make them crash. If you let them get away with one thing, they are going to naturally try and get away with another. If you hold firm to your boundaries, they will respect you more. I think you just gave up after 3 years (which happens) and expected everything to stay the same and thats not how relationships work. Always be on your toes Boundaries are something you set for yourself. Something like "I will not be in a relationship with a cheater" You cant hold your significant other accountable to your boundary, its yours. If she cheats, its your job to get up and leave the relationship True. Biggest error was taking her back the first time.
CptSaveAho Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 So your biggest mistake in this relationship.... and previous relationships.... no boundaries Fix that... If someone cheats on you... pack your bags, tell them to go F*** themself and leave. Go NC and move on This is a lot of other posters problems as well, they tolerate and allow a cheater to stay in a relationship with them. Cheating is emotional murder, you cant just cover it up and pretend like it doesnt exist or it wont happen again. I can show you posts on here where people harbor that resentment for 10-20 years and just blow up their entire lives and look like total fools because of it. No offense but you look like a fool now. Bet it wont happen again. 2
Author Tree_Salmon Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 So your biggest mistake in this relationship.... and previous relationships.... no boundaries Fix that... If someone cheats on you... pack your bags, tell them to go F*** themself and leave. Go NC and move on This is a lot of other posters problems as well, they tolerate and allow a cheater to stay in a relationship with them. Cheating is emotional murder, you cant just cover it up and pretend like it doesnt exist or it wont happen again. I can show you posts on here where people harbor that resentment for 10-20 years and just blow up their entire lives and look like total fools because of it. No offense but you look like a fool now. Bet it wont happen again. Well thats the thing. In my previous relationship I was super strict with my boundaries. I left an old ex after she kissed a guy and I never looked back. I've been that way before. But for some reason, with my current ex, i didnt want to let go. So, after initially leaving and seemingly moving on, i ended up taking her back. Thinking she was different and deserved a second chance. The first time ive ever done that. Which was going against my own rules. Never doing that again.
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