need some badly

[Kelly15]

I need some advice and just thoughts on this Please share your opinions with me. This long ...

I've been knowing this guy 7yrs and dating on and off 6 yrs. It started , I met him at his work (bartending) and he instantly was smitten with me, thought I was the most beautful girl he had ever seen. We became friends fast as he was so polite and sweet. Outgoing. I didnt date him as he wasnt my type. Balding, blonde and just not my type at all. As the year went by, I fell hard for him. We starting dating and I was everything to him. After about 6 mos he broke up with me for no reason, he came back a month later begging back. I forgave him.

 

I became insecure after that and probably was still immature as he was my second boyfriend I ever had. We broke up again, this time I felt really bitter and stayed apart for 8 mos. Got drunk one night and starting seeing each other again but he broke up with me 5 mos later , started dating some sleazy girl which didnt work. And him and i started hooking up which no relationship, I got fed up and said relationship or nothing. He said he loved me and wanted to be with me. We got along perfect but his hours are different from mine and I would stay up all night with him but never stayed over do to I have school and a job which he only works 3 days a week. So he used that as an excuse to break up with along with the fact he was really depressed and has commitment issues and amitted he pushes me away if i get too close.

 

Well he came back after some therapy saying he missed me and was inlove with me always been and can't stay away for nothing. And was the only positive thing in his life, the only person who ever really loved him and that we were meant to be together because fate always puts us together. I gave him one last chance as he seemed more grown up.

As our relationship went on he became depressed again and would act like he's 20. He's 32. Doing drugs with his co workers, he knows I hate that. Making me low priority. I couldnt push this issue because i never told my mom i was dating him again because she hates him and i wanted to wait and see if he could stick around a year before telling her. So i guess that was partly my wrong too.

 

anyway, some girl just started at his work and I was no longer invited out that night as she was going and then he told he had lunch plans with her but it was nothing but friendly to read his texts, i did and they were very flirty so when i told him we should part . he begged no and said he wouldnt go and he loved and would make things better. Two days later we broke up as he wants to see this girl and now is seeing her. He dumped me in a bar while he was drunk and crying.

 

I dont want to call him but feel so hurt and everything left unsaid. I know he's very attracted to me, did he just use me?

And I know I can do better, I'm smart, a model and have a good job too but I just feel so low. How could he say he loved me one day and the next be going out with someone?

How do I get over this? 7YRS JUST SEEMS SO LONG TO JUST STOP TALKING TO YOUR BEST FRIEND:(

PS sorry about poor spelling and english, I'm crying as I write this

[ascendotum]

Just totally flush this guy from your life, and move on to someone who will cherish you. You are a model with a good career in the prime beauty years of your life, and yet you fritter it away (to an extent) going in and out of relationship with this guy, who you said makes you a 'low priority'. He loves you for a while then gets bored, parties and samples some fresh pussy he picks up while working the bar, then misses the security of a relationship with you and its back on...for a while.

Surely you must have other friends in your social network to fill the void and to go out with and I am sure it wont be hard for you to meet lots of new guys who would love to treat you better.

[ja123]

No wonder your mother hates him..

 

It's terrible that he's been repeatedly treating you this way, but it's even more terrible that you've put up with it.

 

You need to drop this guy from your life completely. Go no contact.

[Kelly15]

I was home schooled and don't have a lot of girlfriends, most girls hate me or think i'm weird the few I have are all in relationships and never go out. I do have a lot of guy friends but most just have their motives.

The ex says he wants a relationship but I guess not with me. I'm not sure what I did wrong

[Kelly15]

I miss having him to talk to, we could talk about anything and everything.

[Kelly15]

and the sad part is, the new girl (i stalked her fb, lame i know) seems so tacky. posting pics of her grabbing girls boobs and dancing slutty. Just dont get it

[FitChick]

Have you tried getting modeling work in your local big city? You need to move away and meet new people.

[Kelly15]

I do but mostly just go home after. I guess I will put make effort in to making friends

[ascendotum]

I'm not sure what I did wrong.

Unless he has sat down with you to properly discuss your relationship and why he was not happy with you, then it odds on you did nothing wrong. He needs to sort out his depression issues but if he is doing drugs then that's were his priorities are, not in becoming a better person for the sake of your relationship. Then there is his commitment issues and wanting to go back and forth between you and other women. Do you really think that you should have done more to make him stay? He did wrong and you just don't realize you can do a whole lot better, which suits him great because you are there to take him back. (You are a great fallback girlfriend)

 

Since you hardly have any single gfs, I think its time to try and cultivate a few friendships if you can. Go out and do new activities that will make you come in contact with other singles (both M + F). Even initially try and arrange time out with your current female friends (drinks after work, day at the races, etc) or just have some talk time with them at their place (don't matter if their bf is there).

Edited November 22, 2012 by ascendotum

[Kelly15]

so in your opinion, as A GUY. YOU THINK HE DIDNT REALLY CARE. ALL LIES?

[Kelly15]

I GUESS i'm being selfish as I cant stand the fact that he will probably be happy and inlove with this girl for real, and I was just a fall back girl. Breaks my heart

[ascendotum]

so in your opinion, as A GUY. YOU THINK HE DIDNT REALLY CARE. ALL LIES?

 

Probably a mixture of both, depending on what phase in his depression he was going through and if there was a new prospect in his life that he wanted to give it a shot with. He probably does really care for you (hey its been 6 yrs) but as you said you are not the priority in his life. Love you when he's with you then switches his loves to someone new when he can. Strong feelings for you but not in love with you. Many guys can do that. He knows you are likely insecure, a bit socially isolated & low in confidence so takes advantage of that to go back to you then break if off again to pursue a few others then comes back to you, for the comfort, and you stay available for him.

[Kelly15]

Yes, you are right. And I promised myself that I would give it one last shot so i wouldnt wonder down the road. The truth hurts but it's wonderful to know. He will probably be regretful down the road Thanks

[Kelly15]

So I went out this weekend with a guy friend, all his friends and mine were at my exes bar so we went to bar next door instead. I guess one of my friends mentioned I was and ex came over and asked if I wanted to talk. I said that would be nice but I was feeling a little tipsy , he said well let's go eat and talk. Well our friends invite themselves and so we didn't talk there and went back to his place. He said he loved me and I meant so much to him and deserve way better ..blah blah. He was hitting on me and and asked to be with me one last time. I said no. That we both know that was a bad idea for me and that he knows he loves me and was making a big mistake. He agreed saying he loved me so much and is inlove with me always has been and wanted to be together, and just couldn't understand how I could love him. Well nothing happened I left and he said he loved to keep the key and we would talk later.

 

Anyways I didn't talk to him for a few days because I wanted to think about everything. Anyways, today he tells me he lives me but can't be with me because he will cheat in me. Which sounds fair to me but why the games? I told him I will talk to him weds and we can put some real closure like we should have done years ago. Any idea why he does this?? And what's the best why to put real closure? What should I say? Time to end this

[Kelly15]

Is he taking me for granted or just straight out lying to me? And how to I close it with some dignity? Please help? I have no one to talk to this about

[Kelly15]

I've been seeing that side to him lately, losing all respect for him but Im asking how I should react on him or if I should bother even talking to him for closure.

[todreaminblue]

Bouncers, bartenders ,night club owners,doormen,disc jockeys and even regular patrons of establishments that serve alcohol, they all face temptation and have chances and the opportunity at being unfaithful while their girlfriends wives fiancees are not there....i am not saying they all cheat, but the chance and risk of them cheating is much higher......especially they are not committed in the relationship they are in......

 

 

i have dated when i was younger who worked and owned night clubs......that dating period ended with me in a relationship with a doorman and a bouncer for quite a few years....and yes they both turned out to be a serial cheats they just hid it better than the guys i ended dates with......

 

 

 

 

the guy kept you as a back up plan for when he wasnt interested or didnt hook up with another potential.....the positive i can give you for this is that you don't have to spend more years finding out that he truly wasnt committed to you in the first place, you now have a chance to meet someone better instead of waking up one day finding him gone and thinking crap where did my life go.....

 

 

be happy that now you have a chance to find someone who cares about you who loves you as much as they love them....dont cry for the dick head,he is not worth your tears, i dont like it when people use depression to end relationships....rule 101 never make any major decisions while depressed....for the simple fact your decisions affect others.....i doubt he has depression...i feel it is more like an excuse to be a dick head.....he wasn't too depressed to start another relationship..that is not typical of depression....he was motivated to go out with others just not you..forget him....he isn't worth your time ,tears or your thoughts......

 

 

 

that song was written for you i feel...if you reverse the boyfriend /girlfriend thing....smilin........hugs.....deb

Edited November 26, 2012 by todreaminblue

[Kelly15]

I believe he's really depressed, always crying. not happy with bartending forever. Should I bother talking to him weds? thanks

[charlietheginger]

He is giving you low self esteem....

 

he is not your friend a friend would boost

Your esteem make you happy and feel

Good about yourself.....

 

Is this his fualt is he doing this intentionally

Maybe not. The guy is whats called wish

Washy or passive aggressive. Into you one month

And not the next....

 

Pushing you away is the best thing that can happen

For you...

 

You need to take that push not as a personal insult

But as a blessing..

 

If you goback its just gonna be the same yoyo

You on a string up and down over and over....

 

Now examine yourself.... Do you like the yoyo

The challange ? Some women do its a emotional

rollercoaster they get to experience joy pain happiness

Sorry confusion

[Kelly15]

no, charlie. I hate the feeling. The last 6 months were great. no yoyoing. Our only problem is he was depressed about work. He wished he had done more with his life. and i tried to build him up and tell him to go back to school. I never was this insecure till him and am at an all low right now. I know we cant last at this point.

 

I just feel we never put real closure and that always leaves he door open, that's why I'm asking on advice on what to do. go see him and talk, email, write a letter. block him and never talk to him again (would be hard because we have lots of friends in common) please help

[todreaminblue]

I believe he's really depressed, always crying. not happy with bartending forever. Should I bother talking to him weds? thanks

 

 

I don't think you should, because i dont feel it is in your best interest to do so, if he was truly depressed with bar tending, how long has he been doing it for and why doesnt he leave and find a job he is happy with, he was able to finish the relationship with you and start a new one with someone else, why cant he leave the job that depresses him and start a new job, he broke up with you once didnt he because yours and his hours clashed, he works three days a week why doesnt he look for more suitable employment on his days off, would it be, he is busy with someone else?.....

 

 

 

this guy hasnt broken up with you just once but quite a few times......it is up to you whether you give him another chance to break up with you again....it is likely it will happen again is that how you want to live ? if it is,call him wednesday, if not, do something for you and your best interest, find someone who makes you happy and if and when the guy sorts himself out make a decision if you want to go back there......i dont suggest that you do i suggest you continue to find someone who treats you right or stay with that person when you find them......good luck .....deb

[Kelly15]

no i meant for closure, I know we cant work. And I dont want us too. Just want to feel some closure and get past this

[todreaminblue]

no i meant for closure, I know we cant work. And I dont want us too. Just want to feel some closure and get past this

 

 

If you really want closure kelly15 then maybe you should call him and make it final, if you dont think you can move on without it, do what you need to do to be free....i once thought that it would be a good idea to see my ex for"closure", i doubt though it would have closed anything and now i have closure that came of its own accord......be prepared for him to be convincing and crying for you not to end it , be in tune with the fact he is going to tell you he loves you still, and you have been through too much to let this relationship go and anything else manipulative he can come up with, maybe he is depressed....maybe that depression is guilt on his behalf as well, the fact he is not good for you is all you need to think about....whatever you decide to do after the closure phone call,make sure your heart is not the heart to get broken anymore than it already is.....best wishes and luck from me to you.....deb

[Kelly15]

Well, he doesn't want to be with me as of today. I meant closure endIng for once and talking about it maturely for me. I'm done with his feelings or depression. I have a feeling it's only going to get worse esp when I'm not there. Thanks

[todreaminblue]

Well, he doesn't want to be with me as of today. I meant closure endIng for once and talking about it maturely for me. I'm done with his feelings or depression. I have a feeling it's only going to get worse esp when I'm not there. Thanks

 

 

i hope you get that closure you need it might be a different matter when you try and give the relationship closure though....you are right, his depression is not your concern any more or his feeling ....done and DUSTED....the guy is rusted....stone cold busted......grin....had to put that in could almost make a rap about the sad sack who went way off track and who aint going to get you back.....but it is too similar to another song by the breakfast club and i have that beat going through my head......

 

 

we all win and lose in love....you do get over it.sometimes it takes a few blocks of chocolate and good friends....sometimes it takes intervention from eating a truck load of chocolate in the form of a gym membership and a personal trainer.. you are going through the losing part so get your closure......give yourself time to eat maybe two blocks of chocolate and get ahead on the gym workouts....smilin......best wishes kelly....deb