ThaWholigan Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 .......Yet. So I now have 2 casual partners. They are nice girls, but they don't really want a relationship with me and I'm unlikely to want one with them - we are going to have fun regardless and I do like them. But I was just thinking - I always say I want an LTR and I do, I would love to have one. Having a family is something I would love, and I hope to meet a possible wife soon. However, I've never been against something casual, and now I have stumbled into 2 FWB arrangements almost by accident after being a virgin for so long. Is it possible that girls at the moment see me as a bit of fun because I'm not quite ready for a relationship yet even though I would like one? It is difficult considering I live at home, plus my self-employment venture has yet to be a lucrative one. So this is actually a pretty decent arrangement I have no complaints at all. But is it the way forward for now? Or am I better off without FWB relationships while possibly looking out for LTR material?
SmileFace Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Outside of LS - say if I was giving advice to cousin,hehe. I would say wait until your business is up and stable to seek a relationship. Relationships can and usually will defer a persons business goals. I say until you have a solid foundation - keep your relationships light. Plus you are still young but you need to focus on your business. You have more than enough time for a relationship. 1
MrCastle Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Don't get offended when I say this. It's not you, it's them. These are chicks that were ready to sleep with you the first time meeting you. There is a reason they're online looking for NSA sex. They themselves are not relationship material. Surely you don't want to wife up a girl that lets you f*** her day one. You can't have both. You can't fool around with these kind of women and expect something to materialize. You can enjoy the fun you're having and accept it for what it is, while looking for something more serious with a different type of woman. More than likely someone you meet in real life and not through a dating site. And someone who will make you go more than one date before letting you sleep with them. I am right there with you in terms of living at home and not being where I'd like to be in my career as of right now, so that very much is partly the reason why I'm avoiding LTRs, but I also enjoy living the life I do, the same one you're living right now, and am content with being single. I wouldn't expect these short flings I'm having to lead to anything. Not because of who I am, but because of who they are. 1
SmileFace Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Just to jump off of what Castle said - no these girls who vaginas you probably seen before even touching seem to be just looking for that and nothing more - well from what you write. Then again I know females who start off like this and expect a relationship. However I don't agree with the "Surely you don't want to wife up a girl that lets you f*** her day one"... since I think you will look pass that if the emotional attraction is there. 2
Meeks7 Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 .......Yet. So I now have 2 casual partners. They are nice girls, but they don't really want a relationship with me and I'm unlikely to want one with them - we are going to have fun regardless and I do like them. But I was just thinking - I always say I want an LTR and I do, I would love to have one. Having a family is something I would love, and I hope to meet a possible wife soon. However, I've never been against something casual, and now I have stumbled into 2 FWB arrangements almost by accident after being a virgin for so long. Is it possible that girls at the moment see me as a bit of fun because I'm not quite ready for a relationship yet even though I would like one? It is difficult considering I live at home, plus my self-employment venture has yet to be a lucrative one. So this is actually a pretty decent arrangement I have no complaints at all. But is it the way forward for now? Or am I better off without FWB relationships while possibly looking out for LTR material? You seem to have pretty high self-awareness. Mr.Castle is right, if you're content still being single, then enjoy it. Seasons come and seasons go. I've found the key to happiness is finding contentment right where you are 1
Author ThaWholigan Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 Outside of LS - say if I was giving advice to cousin,hehe. I would say wait until your business is up and stable to seek a relationship. Relationships can and usually will defer a persons business goals. I say until you have a solid foundation - keep your relationships light. Plus you are still young but you need to focus on your business. You have more than enough time for a relationship. My brother was saying that to me just before the thread, but he said that while he's thinking the same, he said once he is rich, he will have to find a woman who also has money (I'm sure you can guess why). I just have almost like a fantasy that I like to indulge, that some day soon I meet my future GF and she's on a road to being financially intelligent like I am trying to be, and we both become rich entrepreneurs together and then have kids . I agree, I think for now having casual relationships is a good arrangement. It's one I feel I can handle.
Author ThaWholigan Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 Don't get offended when I say this. It's not you, it's them. These are chicks that were ready to sleep with you the first time meeting you. There is a reason they're online looking for NSA sex. They themselves are not relationship material. Surely you don't want to wife up a girl that lets you f*** her day one. You can't have both. You can't fool around with these kind of women and expect something to materialize. You can enjoy the fun you're having and accept it for what it is, while looking for something more serious with a different type of woman. More than likely someone you meet in real life and not through a dating site. And someone who will make you go more than one date before letting you sleep with them. I am right there with you in terms of living at home and not being where I'd like to be in my career as of right now, so that very much is partly the reason why I'm avoiding LTRs, but I also enjoy living the life I do, the same one you're living right now, and am content with being single. I wouldn't expect these short flings I'm having to lead to anything. Not because of who I am, but because of who they are. It's not so much I want a relationship with them, I just wonder if it is almost fateful that I have encountered these kind of girls so far that just want to sleep with me. It's quite hilarious to me, but I am relentless at pondering . I admit to being slightly overwhelmed by the attention I'm getting
SmileFace Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 My brother was saying that to me just before the thread, but he said that while he's thinking the same, he said once he is rich, he will have to find a woman who also has money (I'm sure you can guess why). I just have almost like a fantasy that I like to indulge, that some day soon I meet my future GF and she's on a road to being financially intelligent like I am trying to be, and we both become rich entrepreneurs together and then have kids . I agree, I think for now having casual relationships is a good arrangement. It's one I feel I can handle. Yeah, that is why I stick to casual. Well some times I take detours but they doesn't last for long. I know what you mean - I rather wait until I am established in life then to decide on a partner but when everyone around me is shacked up - I get the fantasy too. However I need to remember my dreams first - since that is what I want first. . 1
USMCHokie Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 It's not so much I want a relationship with them, I just wonder if it is almost fateful that I have encountered these kind of girls so far that just want to sleep with me. It's quite hilarious to me, but I am relentless at pondering . I admit to being slightly overwhelmed by the attention I'm getting After experiencing a couple short but serious relationships that I felt had potential to last, I realized that I'd never be happy in a long term relationship without having lived and experienced exactly what you're experiencing now... 1
Leigh 87 Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Hey, your one of my favourite posters! Lol I would like to date someone like you if I were single:o Providing there was chemistry there, of course! Seriously, though; it sounds like your having fun with these FWB. A relationship IS something to look very forward to, but there is no rush. Just enjoy what you have right now, because once you find the right girl, you will possibly never have a casual FWB thing for... a long long time! Only worry about it, if your approaching 30 and still have no love interests or women who express any remote interest in a relationship with you (despite you being ready with your career and etc) Lastly, I disagree with the waiting until you are ready in your career and etc... Look, I think it is best to be OPEN to finding the right girl, but to not actively seek it when your busy with establishing your business. You know - to not actively seek a relationship out when your busy with other things, and rather enjoy being single... And when your really ready folr a relationship, DO actively seek one out a litte (whilst still not being desperate for one!) Either way, I think the best advice is to be open to meeting a girl with potential, whilst being happy to not seek it out for now. Do that later when you feel a large need to. And I found it funny to read you losing your V with and moving into FWB with such ease! 2
Leigh 87 Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 oh, and YES you ARE relationship material! You are relationship material right now! The timing in your life is not ideal for one, but that does not change the fact that you could still have a good relationship NOW, if you met the right women for it. 3
Author ThaWholigan Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 Just to jump off of what Castle said - no these girls who vaginas you probably seen before even touching seem to be just looking for that and nothing more - well from what you write. Then again I know females who start off like this and expect a relationship. However I don't agree with the "Surely you don't want to wife up a girl that lets you f*** her day one"... since I think you will look pass that if the emotional attraction is there. Well the second girl today said she would consider us having an open polyamorous relationship (she liked the sex), but I'm not convinced by that arrangement and I told her that it's not really my thing. If I'm gonna do that, I may as well be single. Yeah, that is why I stick to casual. Well some times I take detours but they doesn't last for long. I know what you mean - I rather wait until I am established in life then to decide on a partner but when everyone around me is shacked up - I get the fantasy too. However I need to remember my dreams first - since that is what I want first. Agree - would like to put more into a career right now, I'm getting too old to live at home
Author ThaWholigan Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 Why not just relax and enjoy the ride(s)? Get used to having women in your life and then worry about whether you're relationship material. I spent most of my adolescent, young adult, and adult life in big, fat serious relationships and the one thing I have discovered is that LTRs are generally are a lot more attractive in theory than in practice. That is not to say that there isn't a certain time and place for them within one's life but even the very good ones (and I had a very nice husband for nearly a decade) are a lot of work and there are a lot of sacrifices that get made along the way. Sharing your life with someone can be great, but it also means you'll be giving away a lot of the freedom that gets taken for granted by people who are single. Don't worry about whether you're relationship material right now. Enjoy the life you're living. When the time is right, you'll know. Yes, I am probably looking at it from the outside thinking the grass is greener. I am certainly enjoying life in the present.
SmileFace Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Plus have you read LS? Relationships suck -- lol j/k Just relax, enjoy the ride. If the great girl comes along during, she would hop on board.
dasein Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 You are definitely relationship material, but the time is not right. Keep having casual fun, build your business, and you will be ready soon enough to pursue whatever goals you like.
ascendotum Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 (edited) Is it possible that girls at the moment see me as a bit of fun because I'm not quite ready for a relationship yet even though I would like one? Maybe, but your life does not sound like a shambles, unless you are making all these negative comments about yourself to them. My first thoughts were, why don't they want to become your gf? Are you projecting too much of the PUA for sex persona when chatting these girls up, so they get attracted to a big flirty dirty talking man and or they have a thing for wanting BBC? Far more usually the problem for guys (who dont want anything serious) is not FWBs falling into their laps but how to convert a girl's intention away from gf relationship to NSA/FWB. Edited November 22, 2012 by ascendotum
Author ThaWholigan Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 Is it possible that girls at the moment see me as a bit of fun because I'm not quite ready for a relationship yet even though I would like one? Maybe, but your life does not sound like a shambles, unless you are making all these negative comments about yourself to them. My first thoughts were, why don't they want to become your gf? Are you projecting too much of the PUA for sex persona when chatting these girls up, so they get attracted to a big flirty dirty talking man and or they have a thing for wanting BBC? Far more usually the problem for guys (who dont want anything serious) is not FWBs falling into their laps but how to convert a girl's intention away from gf relationship to NSA/FWB. Nah, I'm quite happy with my life. Very happy even. It could be way worse. I think I just happen to have found some girls who are really into the casual thing. Not something I expected to run into personally. It makes sense for it to happen this way though. I meet girls I might think about having a relationship but they seem to switch off when they realize I'm not part of the herd of guys who have jobs, drive Clios and live in a flat near Central . I'm not offended, that's just how it's been. I can't really say I've gone PUA on them strangely enough, any conversation of a sexual variety has been initiated by them . Having said that, I do think that the black guy thing was probably an attraction, although one was already half black but professed she liked white guys more. I have got a lot better at dirty talking, but I've never initiated it the first time. I think I have been a little lucky, but I just wondered whether I should have gone relationship first, but I think I made the right decision and will continue these casual flings.
maybealone Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 My opinion: If I were you, I would enjoy the casual thing until you really feel ready for an LTR. But when that time comes, I would end the FWB and take a break between FWB and entering into a real relationship.
SmileFace Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 You think women will think of you differently of you for only being in FWB situations?
Author ThaWholigan Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 You think women will think of you differently of you for only being in FWB situations? I don't know if they would. Hence, I am unsure. The rate at which women are also having FWBs these days tells me that it's unlikely they would. Still, it would be annoying to be in a scenario where I constantly have to prove I can be committed just because I have had casual flings so far in my 20s. I'll take each day as it comes though, I'm guessing it won't be a problem with the right girl.
SmileFace Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 I don't know if they would. Hence, I am unsure. The rate at which women are also having FWBs these days tells me that it's unlikely they would. Still, it would be annoying to be in a scenario where I constantly have to prove I can be committed just because I have had casual flings so far in my 20s. I'll take each day as it comes though, I'm guessing it won't be a problem with the right girl. Bolded for the truth. Eh, I am projecting. Double standards...shrugs. Got to remember - don't like what I do/did ... ain't the one for me. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Don't rush into a relationship. I discovered that I liked the idea of a serious relationship more than being in one. When I lived with my ex, just spending enough time with him meant that I had to cut on most of my after hours work, that I barely saw my friends and family, and forget about the hobbies. Time wise, casual suits me much more. Apart from that nagging thought "why does this guy only want me for casual"? But that's really my ego talking. Other than that, casual can offer the best of both worlds: some sex and company and as much time and freedom as when you were completely single. 1
mesmerized Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 (edited) Don't get offended when I say this. It's not you, it's them. These are chicks that were ready to sleep with you the first time meeting you. There is a reason they're online looking for NSA sex. They themselves are not relationship material. Surely you don't want to wife up a girl that lets you f*** her day one. You can't have both. You can't fool around with these kind of women and expect something to materialize. You can enjoy the fun you're having and accept it for what it is, while looking for something more serious with a different type of woman. More than likely someone you meet in real life and not through a dating site. And someone who will make you go more than one date before letting you sleep with them. I am right there with you in terms of living at home and not being where I'd like to be in my career as of right now, so that very much is partly the reason why I'm avoiding LTRs, but I also enjoy living the life I do, the same one you're living right now, and am content with being single. I wouldn't expect these short flings I'm having to lead to anything. Not because of who I am, but because of who they are. Men who judge women when they are doing the exact same thing disgust me to no end. Edited November 23, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator civility & respect 3
Emilia Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Is it possible that girls at the moment see me as a bit of fun because I'm not quite ready for a relationship yet even though I would like one? It is difficult considering I live at home, plus my self-employment venture has yet to be a lucrative one. So this is actually a pretty decent arrangement I have no complaints at all. But is it the way forward for now? Or am I better off without FWB relationships while possibly looking out for LTR material? I'd say a couple of things 1. They might see you as a short term thing because you are so young and women are told over and over again that no guy wants an LTR under 25 (I know that's not true but a lot of girls don't). 2. Don't force it. Keep talking to girls and get to know the ones you like. See what works for you potentially for an LTR. Don't go in there with the determination that it's either casual or an LTR. You won't know half the time in the beginning anyway.
dasein Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Surely you don't want to wife up a girl that lets you f*** her day one. Agree with this. No double standard at play because men and women are entirely different in how they seek and obtain sex. Apples and oranges. Women have more control over sex, so generally, women who will sleep with you on the first date are showing impulsivity that can signal other bad traits, and are bad bets generally. Carefully consider and reconsider relationship prospects with these before getting involved when you get ready for a relationship.
Recommended Posts