bk53 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Hello everyone, I am brand new to the site and this will be my first post. After reading many stories on the site, i decided to tell my own and ask you all for your advise and input. I will try to make this as short and sweet as possible and not chew your ears off... I was dating a girl for a year and a half. I am 31, she is 24. I am very close with her and her family and up until recently i thought she was very mature. The relationship got a little rocky in the last 6 months or so and some things have happened. We went away on a trip together, and a couple of weeks later she went through my cell phone when i was sleeping and saw i was "sexting" another girl. This was actually a girl i knew from high school and it was not physical, it was just text messages. I never hung out with her, hooked up with her, or slept with her. My girlfriend was very upset with this and as soon as i was confronted about it, i owned it... I apologized and said it wasnt right and how sorry i was and how it would never happen again. It is unacceptable and how she has every right to be mad. I deleted the girls number from my phone, and her off of my facebook, and i never contacted her again. We were still together and didnt break up. I told her i loved her and i was sorry and i didnt want to lose her. About a month or so later, she needed to move to a new apartment and needed a co signer for her lease. I provided all of my paperwork and financials to co sign for her. This was for an October 1st move in date. We had met another couple while on vacation in mexico a month prior who were from Canada, and were coming to stay with me in the city for a few days. The dates were October 4th to the 7th. When they arrived, my girlfriend and i werent on great terms but we were still hanging out, talking, and sleeping together. Keep in mind this is only a week or so after i co signed for her apartment which she would not have been able to get without me. She stayed with me during that time and we entertained the couple who was staying with me. We went out to dinner, explored the city, slept together, and had a nice time. A couple of days after the couple left, around the 9th or so, i was at her apartment having sex with her and hanging out and talking when she mentioned very briefly that she wasnt really happy lately and kind of HINTED around at maybe wanting a break but never actually said anything to my face. Just actually said, I really love you though and hugged me. A day or two after she texted me she wanted to break up, in so many words. Said she needed space and needed to figure herself out and wanted time apart. a BREAK.. Not a breakup... Which we all know is total bull****... I found out she was hanging out with another guy who she had met a couple of months ago when we were rocky and we were on a "break" which i caused due to neglecting her and me being confused on what i really wanted. She got this guys number and hung out with him a couple of times and made out with him, but since she only kissed him, i decided to take her back. She kept his number the entire time, and also was friends with him the entire time on facebook which i just found out a couple of days ago. 1-3 days after she told me she wanted to break up, she had sex with this guy. 1-3 days after a year and a half relationship. Sure the relationship had its ups and downs and we had problems like any other relationship does. I have created space from time to time and even broke up with her during that year and a half because i was confused on if i wanted to settle down yet or if she was defiantly the one for me, only to get back with her a few days or a week later. I never slept with anyone else and if i went on a date or two during our little breaks, it would only make me realize what i had and make me think i was an ******* for telling her i was confused. I didnt have to go sleep with chicks to realize that. Fast forward 4-6 weeks i find out the following.... She slept with him 1-3 days after we broke up, he was staying at her place many times in the last month or so, immediately following the breakup, showering there, going on double dates with all of her friends, texting her friends pics of him with no shirt on showing him off, ect... I got a text message from her sister because i had blocked her from calling or texting me and went no contact as highly recommended on these sites. The sister texts me and tells me that she really thinks i should talk to her. She is missing me and thinks she made a mistake. What the sister didnt realize was when she sent me a screen shot of what my ex was texting her, it also said he was there at the house that moment and he had slept there the night before... I flipped to say the least. She was texting her sister while the guy was actually at her apartment... I then unblocked my cell phone and texted her and asked her what she wanted. She told me she missed me and she made a mistake and blah blah blah.. You know the deal... We started talking again and really sat down and listened to each other. I asked her if she had slept with the guy, because up until this point, as far as i know he only slept there one time, and it was because he had no power and heat and needed a place to stay which i wasnt buying for a minute. She swore up and down left and right she never hooked up with him, and slept with him and she missed me so much and she was sorry. A week before this she told me she wasnt inlove with me anymore and didnt feel butterflys when she saw me, and wished me the best, but we are over. Said she is really sorry and she cant help how she feels and i should date other people and she is going to do the same. I told her if you sleep with someone else we are done and i will never take you back. She told me "that is a risk i will have to take".... After hanging out with her for the last 2 weeks, and everything being PERFECT, and i mean PERFECT, i couldnt resist to grabbing her cell phone and going through it just like she did to me a few months prior. I grabbed the phone while she was sleeping and looked through it for almost 2 hours finding out SOOOO much stuff i couldnt put the thing down. I actually took screen shots of everything and emailed them all to myself so i wouldnt forget anything and can use it as a reminder on why i should never take her back. This is a girl i wanted to marry and spend my life with. We spoke about a future and a family during these last 2 weeks. Things were perfect. Here is what i found out through those text messages. She still had his number in her phone, she slept with him 1-3 days after ending things with me, and after a year and a half very close relationship. I am VERY close with her family. She was actually taking pictures of the texts i was sending her of me pouring my heart out to her and sending them to ALL of her friends. Not that it makes it right to send to one friend no less 15, no exaggeration. I saw what she was saying to her friends about her new guy... My love for (the other guy) is so strong and has been since i met him, one friend asked to go for a run with her at 10:40am and she said she couldnt because she was still in bed with ----, was going to introduce him to her family and arranged a family dinner with her cuz to bring him around, he took a road trip with her while her parents were away on vacation to her house with her and spent a night or two there with her, and slept in the same bed with her i use to sleep in for the last year and a half, was double dating with all of her friends and bringing him around everyone, told her friend it was love at first sight, was going to go out to dinner with him to the same restaurant i took her to with the Canadian couple who stayed with us only a week before, taking screen shots of me pouring my heart out to her and texting it to her friends to read, texting pics of him with his shirt off to her friends showing him off, and asking her next door neighbors from the house she grew up in if they wanted to go on a double date. People who i have met before. Please keep the time frame very relevant in this story. I wake her up in the middle of the night and tell her i know everything and she is a fuc*ing liar and i know the truth and im done with her and im leaving. She actually physically tries to restrain me from leaving her house and is hysterical crying telling me how much she loves me and she is sorry and she doesnt want to lose me. Meanwhile 2 weeks before she actually was laughing at me on facetime when i asked her if she was hooking up with him. Literally laughed in my face and told me she just isnt in love with me anymore and her feelings have changed and she feels very strongly about this, and she cant help how she feels and i should move on.... Now she is so so sorry and doesnt want to lose me. She wants me to be the father of her children, and her husband and she ****ed up. A year and a half relationship which we were very close, and 1-3 days later F'ucked someone else and was carrying on a relationship of this magnitude. So much for not chewing your ear off! ADVISE PLEASE! I think i know what im going to hear, but i just wanna hear what you all think. VERY much appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this...
LoveHurts88 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Im in no position to give u advice although i think im over my breakup.. Back hand this b*tch you are way better than that. She broke up with u bro, she already had plans with this other guy long before u guys even broke up. If she did this once she can do it again. Do u wanna b hurt again? Back hand...
RhapsodyinBlue Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 She has shown you who she is CONTINUALLY and it is time for you to believe her. She knows exactly what she wants. She wants to have her fun and have control over you. Granted you both have done your dirt, it seems like you have attempted to make steps to strengthen the relationship and she does not take it serious. She is making you an option while you are making her a priority. Not right. I'd say let it go. Just my opinion.
Inviv_girl Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Well, she's having her fun and she made fun of you while she figure out with her new boy would last or not but it doesnt end up happy ending so she thought going back with you is an option. She might will do such thing again in the future or she might not. No one knows. I would say think about it, she is a b*** yes she is, she's only 24, at that age people tend to look for other thing to make them happy before actually settle down to the one. So kind of living in a playground. Only you know her in person, you can tell what is the possibility of taking her back and what if not. And how much you love her and how much she want/can change, from doesnt love you anymore to she wants you back, whats make her flipped out 180 degree.. So talk to her and really think about it.
Cutiepie1976 Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 (edited) Unfortunately, you seem to be in different life stages. She's young and would like to explore, play the field and figure out what's out there. You are one of many possible options. You're ready to be serious, commit, and focus on one person--her. You can't force her to grow up before she's ready. Sorry. You're not compatible right now. Edited November 22, 2012 by Cutiepie1976
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