WindyHills Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 (edited) Hello, About 2 years ago I was engaged, briefly. Saying “yes” was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. He had flown from the east coast to the west coast to propose, so I felt like I owed it to him to accept. That was foolish on my part. Our relationship hadn’t lasted long enough (less than a year). Even worse, he became weird after we became engaged (at one point he told me it was time to make a schedule of our time together, WTH?). I agonized for several months, but finally ended it. I felt hugely guilty. I hurt him, his family, and my family. But I think my decision saved us from even worse grief in the future. I returned the ring and things he had lent me. I donated the gifts he had given me. He mailed me all of the gifts I had given him, plus mailed back gifts that my family had given him (including a scarf my mom had made). I donated those items too. For a while he sent me emails and tagged himself on photos on my Facebook (and no, he wasn’t in the photos he was tagging). I finally asked to be left alone, and blocked him from my FB. I haven’t had contact with him since. Until this morning. In my email, the one I use for work, there was an email from him with a special email address “Ex-fiance Luvs WindyHills”, and it had an attachment. He has my work email because we used to be co-workers. I was tempted to look, but in the end I did not. It looked like it was intended to provoke. I marked it as spam and it disappeared from my inbox. I am agitated by it. My question is, what kind of response is he fishing for? Do I ask him, once again, to leave me alone? My instinct is to ignore. Currently, I am happily in a relationship and don’t need to open any old wounds from the past. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you. Edited November 21, 2012 by WindyHills Needed to clarify a sentence.
JWRP Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 If only all of us could take a lesson in self-control from you! Bravo on not opening the attachment. Stick to your instincts. He sounds as thought he's got deep seeded issues, you would know. Just remember why you left, people don't change. Any possibility of a new work email?
Author WindyHills Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 Thank you for the encouragement. I will fully ignore that message. I'd rather put my energy into enjoying Thanksgiving. As for the work email, I can change it if I need to. I'm going to take a wait-and-see approach for the time being.
aMguilts Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Thank you for the encouragement. I will fully ignore that message. I'd rather put my energy into enjoying Thanksgiving. As for the work email, I can change it if I need to. I'm going to take a wait-and-see approach for the time being. hi WindyHills Bravo for not even looking at the email! Carry on ignoring him. Sooner or later he`ll get the message that you want nothing more to do with him. aM
Sugarkane Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 That is weird. And if it was a dumpee on here who had contacted after 2 years, they would get attacked for contacting on here. Good for you for staying in NC.
Mint Sauce Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 I don't understand this "not reading emails" part of NC. As if the actual contents of the email will be more damaging than knowing you received something, and filling in the contents with your imagination instead of with reality. I would just read it and stop obsessing about what kind of response he's fishing for.
JWRP Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 (edited) What if he's vindictive? Or just mean? What if he wants "revenge" for some heartbreaking he feels he suffered (when a rational person should be thankful you didn't get married and find out later)? If it's an email of solid insults, or solid belittling; are there any gains from opening and reading? It won't be a letter saying he's done, it won't be a letter where he says sorry, it won't be a letter where he makes anyone feel better but himself... It's not her job to make him feel better about himself anymore. Its her job to protect herself from the situation again. Edited November 22, 2012 by JWRP
magnoliasoutherly Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 If it's an email of solid insults, or solid belittling; are there any gains from opening and reading?No there isn't. You're only feeding into it. Trust me. I've had a stalker before. The last thing you need to do is read it and get worried. Besides, sounds like this guy is on the other side of the country. It is ALWAYS best to ignore people like that.
CptSaveAho Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 I don't understand this "not reading emails" part of NC. As if the actual contents of the email will be more damaging than knowing you received something, and filling in the contents with your imagination instead of with reality. I would just read it and stop obsessing about what kind of response he's fishing for. When you are indifferent, you really dont care what the email says.... Its more like oh wow, they emailed me, oh well, no need to reopen pandoras box. Its also an ego boost
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