sealedlips Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I am a female, and my best friends (male and female) started dating when I introduced them to one another 3 years ago. about 3 months before they started dating, I had a sexual encounter with my female best friend. My male best friend was aware of this when they started dating. Well over the course of the past 3 years, I have had several other sexual encounters with my female best friend. I live with them so we are always around one another. They have been engaged for over a year and they are very much in love. it is strictly physical between us, but I know that if her fiancé were to find out he would be upset. Would this still be considered cheating since we are both females?
Chi townD Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I am a female, and my best friends (male and female) started dating when I introduced them to one another 3 years ago. about 3 months before they started dating, I had a sexual encounter with my female best friend. My male best friend was aware of this when they started dating. Well over the course of the past 3 years, I have had several other sexual encounters with my female best friend. I live with them so we are always around one another. They have been engaged for over a year and they are very much in love. it is strictly physical between us, but I know that if her fiancé were to find out he would be upset. Would this still be considered cheating since we are both females? Ummmmm.....YEAH!!!! It's cheating. A good rule of thumb on what's cheating and what isn't. Cheating is doing something or saying something that you wouldn't do right in front of your significant other. That's cheating. Do you think that this girl would jump your bones and start making out with you with her boyfriend in the room? Answer is probably no. Why? Because, it's cheating.
Author sealedlips Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 Do you think that this girl would jump your bones and start making out with you with her boyfriend in the room? Answer is probably no. Why? Because, it's cheating. You make a good point, and the thing is that for months I fought with her about coming on to me because I didn't want to hurt her fiancé, but with time I gave in to temptation. At this point I feel that it's nearly impossible to end it when we live together though.
Chi townD Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 You make a good point, and the thing is that for months I fought with her about coming on to me because I didn't want to hurt her fiancé, but with time I gave in to temptation. At this point I feel that it's nearly impossible to end it when we live together though. You have all the power in the world to say NO! I mean, even you wrote that with her it's just physical. Therefore, it shouldn't be too hard to turn down her advances. Unless, you're telling me that it's nearly impossible because you've developed feelings for her rather than what you wrote about the excuse being that you live together. can I write.....BUSTED!!!! Don't try to Bullsh*t a Bullsh*tter.
Author sealedlips Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 Lol, okay so I need to learn how to exercise some self control and not make up excuses touché! but no, I have not developed feelings for her. thanks for setting me straight. I appreciate the honesty
Chi townD Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Yeah, it's okay. The point is, that even though you don't have feelings for her. There's a guy that does and is ready to make a life long commitment to her. Therefore, you shouldn't be doing what you're doing with her. And to be honest, if she's cheating with you now, I don't have much hope for their future together. And he needs to know what kind of girl he would be marrying or else the marriage is a sham from the jump. Does the boyfriend know she's bi-sexual?
Author sealedlips Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 There was a point in which I thought of telling him what was going on, but then I would feel completely responsible for ending their relationship. He often says that he thinks she's bi-sexual in front of her and I, but she always blows him off saying "i'm with you so shut up". I know that I need to break things off for good because I really don't want to break up a happy home. I know what I'm doing is wrong, but I also know that I'm not going to be the one to tell him what's been going on. I feel that I should break it off, and tell her that she needs to tell him. I'll take the consequences
Chi townD Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Well, if he made a joke about it tells me that he has a suspicion about it or else he wouldn't have cracked a joke on the subject. So, even if he found out, he might or might not be too upset about it. Hell, he might even ask to join in! And if you write back that you wouldn't be opposed to it. I'll need to take a cold shower and be completely jealous of the dude.
Magica Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 There was a point in which I thought of telling him what was going on, but then I would feel completely responsible for ending their relationship. You wouldn't be. There were two of you fooling around. <snip> I really don't want to break up a happy home. I know what I'm doing is wrong, but I also know that I'm not going to be the one to tell him what's been going on. I feel that I should break it off, and tell her that she needs to tell him. I'll take the consequencesShe's bi-sexual, she's marrying a man who doesn't know that she still fools around with women; it isn't all that happy at the moment, and before they get married would be the time for him to find out about her cheating, rather than after. Maybe he would be okay with it; he deserves to make that choice for himself, though.
lukas Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 A friend of mine cut things off with his fiancée after he found her in a bar toilet with some random girl she'd met there... Some guys can't take it and unless you know his view on cheating you will have no idea how he views this.
salparadise Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I am a female, and my best friends (male and female) started dating when I introduced them to one another 3 years ago. about 3 months before they started dating, I had a sexual encounter with my female best friend. My male best friend was aware of this when they started dating. Based on the above, he does know that the gf is bi, and that the two have licked kitties before, and since the three are living together it's only reasonable to understand that there's at least a chance that it may have happened again. So my guess is that he may not see it as the ultimate deal breaker, but that's just a guess. The more important consideration is that she's lying and deceiving him, both are. It's just that the fiance' has a higher obligation to him, and she's about to marry him under false pretenses... this is a big deal, and it's not too late to prevent that from happening. Sealedlips, since they're both your friends and you have been a party to the deception I think it's on you to see to it that if he does marry her it's with his eyes wide open with regard to her sexuality and deceptions. I'd probably go to her and just tell her the truth... that you believe he should be able to make up his mind based on the facts. Maybe she will be willing to come clean to him. If not, the only middle ground I can think of is for you to have a talk with him and ask if he really thinks she's bi, and if so how does he feel about it and what does he believe that means. If he says, oh I know she sleeps with other women sometimes then maybe you're off the hook. But if he says cheating is cheating and I won't have it, and don't believe she would ever do that to me, then he needs to know.
Bryanna Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 You need to move out! First, you both have treated this guy like a fool. He deserves better in a wife and friend. You know its cheating. It doesn't matter if it's same sex or not. Good luck, I hope you can find someone of your own male or female and find happiness. Same for your roomies.
Bryanp Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 If the roles were reversed would you want someone cheating behind your back? I agree that you have made the guy look like a totally fool and have disrespected him in the worst possible way. The least you can do is to be upfront and honest with him. Nobody deserves to be disrespected and humiliated in such a way. Do the right thing and tell the poor guy. If he marries her he will be making the biggest mistake of his life and it will cost him dearly.
The_Face Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Move out already. Be a better friend. Are you that defenseless to your sexual urges that you have to continue this? And sorry to be rude, but the fact you would even ask if that's "cheating" is a little ridiculous. I mean, you seem to already know it's wrong, so I don't get it. I feel sorry for your male friend. On second thought, he should just move out and let you two ladies have your sexy fun time, guilt free. Poor guy.
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