plainjane79 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 So this question concerns someone I'm no longer seeing, but a behavior of his was odd and I still find myself wondering what his deal could have been. So I had met him while out at a bar one night; he was a little older than me and we just chatted and then went our separate ways, nothing physical. He called me a few days later and we began going out once or twice a week. On our third date, before we had even kissed, but were holding hands and such, I asked if he used Facebook and he said yes, but that he didn't like adding girls (I assumed he meant girls he dated or was interested in romantically, but prob should have asked for clarity.) He said in the past he had added girls, they became stalker-y, and then he'd have to delete them and they'd call him crying and causing drama, so he just didn't do it anymore. I jokingly told him maybe that was a sign to stop dating psychos, since I had never had an experience like that with Facebook, but figured OK, his call, whatever. On our sixth date, we ended up at his place and got intimate and I stayed the night. While we were at his place, he started talking about an argument he was having on Facebook with some girl, but then quickly said "But she's just a friend of a friend, not really a friend of mine." I jokingly asked once again if he'd add me as a friend so I could get in on the debate, and he kind of danced around it and started teasing me, saying if I could get on his computer then I could add him, but then I tried and I found out the computer was password protected, etc. So I told him that if he wasn't going to add me, I didn't want to hear anything about his Facebook exploits because it was a bit rude. That didn't stop him; later that night, he was once again talking about Facebook. I kind of gave him the cold shoulder at that point until he stopped. I had looked his name and e-mail address up on Facebook by this time but couldn't find his profile, so there was no way for me to request him as a friend myself, and after the first two brush-offs I wouldn't do it anyway. But I was curious. Eventually, I did end up finding his profile, oddly, but his first name was spelled differently than the way he spelled it in his e-mail address (which is how I had assumed he spelled it.) It wasn't very private, and I noticed he doesn't have a ton of friends, but there are a few younger (my age) girls added as friends (one pretty recently, who has nearly 1000 friends.) I just have to wonder...what do you think explains his behavior regarding Facebook? This guy still contacts me every now and then asking how I'm doing but the dating aspect sort of faded without much explanation (another thing that has puzzled me.)
Drseussgrrl Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I'll say this for the umpteenth time. Get off of Facebook. This is all needless drama and worry that you don't need. I mean really what does all of this add up to for you at the end of the day? NOTHING. 1
Emilia Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Eventually, I did end up finding his profile, oddly, but his first name was spelled differently than the way he spelled it in his e-mail address (which is how I had assumed he spelled it.) It wasn't very private, and I noticed he doesn't have a ton of friends, but there are a few younger (my age) girls added as friends (one pretty recently, who has nearly 1000 friends.) I just have to wonder...what do you think explains his behavior regarding Facebook? This guy still contacts me every now and then asking how I'm doing but the dating aspect sort of faded without much explanation (another thing that has puzzled me.) The bolded part is what should concern you, it appears he was only after a one nighter with you. Isn't that more important that facebook? Maybe his secretiveness was indicative of his intentions towards you, who knows. People that are not open and aren't really prepared to be open but fob you off don't tend to make good intimacy partners.
Author plainjane79 Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 Word. I remember getting upset when he kept refusing to add me and thinking "Jebus, you're 31 and getting upset over FACEBOOK!" But then I realize, hmm, so if Facebook is really not such a big deal...then why would someone MAKE it into a big deal by being so selective with the friends requests? Facebook really is crazy making. I deleted my account for awhile after my last break up. But that lasted about three months.
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