Indypendence Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 We have tried to make this marriage work after the affair that we both had in our marriage. First him that took me totally by surprise then I comprimised integrity in the name of revenge and returned the favor. Our latest episode of family turmoil and drama, stems from an all out war that took place on September 16th that had been slowly simmering since April of this year. Just a short synopsis: He Cheated: April 2010. I found out from a voicemail message he inadvertently left on my phone while out with his co-worker and them having sex. I Retailited: August 2010. By returning the favor and going out with a man and kissing. Didn't have sex because I have a real problem with being used by a man and I know that was all it would have been. Counseling: May 2010 - July 2010. Stopped going because I felt like a nut sitting in front of this woman talking about my issues. (yeah, I know) August 2010 - April 2012. Moved into a new home to leave the baggage behind, make fresh start. I'm still pissed can't believe I trusted him and he had me fooled. Swallow the feelings when they come up. Kids start acting out, they heard the arguements. April 2012. Husband and daughter he has raised since 3 years of age, get into a knock down drag out fight while I'm out with friends. I come home and get accused of being an alcoholic. Marched upstairs in front of my daughters like a a child and am told that I am going to discuss this now. April 2012 - September 2012. I'm sleeping on the couch because I'm pissed that he has manhandled me. September 16th 2012. I spank my daughter he has the nerve to say don't spank my daughter and we go at it from there. I pack my clothes and he calls his sister and she tells him to call the police if I try to leave with the kids, and to videotape our arguements and anytime I have a drink so he can use this against me in court, and to tell my kids not to go anywhere with me. Meanwhile she calls me and says oh don't worry everything will be ok. Take a time out and talk this out. But she's giving him advice to call the police on me and tell my kids to not go with me. Things calm down. We go to our pastor and start counseling again. Right now it's individual and every other week together. When I read the advise that his sister gave to him about taping **** and calling the police (now a little background on me and her relationship, it has been a very good one for over 14 years, I talk to her more than they talked to one another) I deleted her from my FB. Why would I want her reading anything that I have to say or share being that now I feel she is plotting to use it against me if things continue to go South? Anyway, she calls me asking why did I defriend her. I go on to let her know that I read her advise and I feel that with the advise that she gave to her brother she de-friended me at that time and I quite frankly now know her true feelings about me, instead of being impartial like she was acting like she was to me; she was siding with her brother and trying to have my children taken from me. I understand family favor but I think she went above and beyond. So THIS morning. His father calls saying his sister called crying that I said this to her. WTF. The whole lot of them can kiss my ass. Now, I'm wrong. I'm supposed to go back now and apologize, I didn't do a damn thing to any of them. So NOW this is one more nail in the coffin of this ****ed up marriage. I am just so over this. I need one of those counselors you can call up and go visit in an emergency because I feel a storm a brewing in my stomach. Happy Thanksdamngiving.
meandmyself Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 We have tried to make this marriage work after the affair that we both had in our marriage. First him that took me totally by surprise then I comprimised integrity in the name of revenge and returned the favor. Our latest episode of family turmoil and drama, stems from an all out war that took place on September 16th that had been slowly simmering since April of this year. Just a short synopsis: He Cheated: April 2010. I found out from a voicemail message he inadvertently left on my phone while out with his co-worker and them having sex. I Retailited: August 2010. By returning the favor and going out with a man and kissing. Didn't have sex because I have a real problem with being used by a man and I know that was all it would have been. Counseling: May 2010 - July 2010. Stopped going because I felt like a nut sitting in front of this woman talking about my issues. (yeah, I know) August 2010 - April 2012. Moved into a new home to leave the baggage behind, make fresh start. I'm still pissed can't believe I trusted him and he had me fooled. Swallow the feelings when they come up. Kids start acting out, they heard the arguements. April 2012. Husband and daughter he has raised since 3 years of age, get into a knock down drag out fight while I'm out with friends. I come home and get accused of being an alcoholic. Marched upstairs in front of my daughters like a a child and am told that I am going to discuss this now. April 2012 - September 2012. I'm sleeping on the couch because I'm pissed that he has manhandled me. September 16th 2012. I spank my daughter he has the nerve to say don't spank my daughter and we go at it from there. I pack my clothes and he calls his sister and she tells him to call the police if I try to leave with the kids, and to videotape our arguements and anytime I have a drink so he can use this against me in court, and to tell my kids not to go anywhere with me. Meanwhile she calls me and says oh don't worry everything will be ok. Take a time out and talk this out. But she's giving him advice to call the police on me and tell my kids to not go with me. Things calm down. We go to our pastor and start counseling again. Right now it's individual and every other week together. When I read the advise that his sister gave to him about taping **** and calling the police (now a little background on me and her relationship, it has been a very good one for over 14 years, I talk to her more than they talked to one another) I deleted her from my FB. Why would I want her reading anything that I have to say or share being that now I feel she is plotting to use it against me if things continue to go South? Anyway, she calls me asking why did I defriend her. I go on to let her know that I read her advise and I feel that with the advise that she gave to her brother she de-friended me at that time and I quite frankly now know her true feelings about me, instead of being impartial like she was acting like she was to me; she was siding with her brother and trying to have my children taken from me. I understand family favor but I think she went above and beyond. So THIS morning. His father calls saying his sister called crying that I said this to her. WTF. The whole lot of them can kiss my ass. Now, I'm wrong. I'm supposed to go back now and apologize, I didn't do a damn thing to any of them. So NOW this is one more nail in the coffin of this ****ed up marriage. I am just so over this. I need one of those counselors you can call up and go visit in an emergency because I feel a storm a brewing in my stomach. Happy Thanksdamngiving. Hello OP, I am very sorry you are in this situation but if you allow me you have taken all along the wrong way .... your H cheated on you... that was very bad, he broke your heart and destroyed the trust in your relationship so you were totally right to be upset and it would have been your choice to divorce him you would have been in your right to do so... but you decided to work on your marriage and relationship .... after you go and revenge cheat... that is very wrong.. any good step you would have taken till here you lose the right from your side... I would not dare to tell you how to educate your kids but one thing is clear, the way of educating your kids needs to be in agreement with your husband (father). You can't not expect that you can spank your kids if your husband does not feel that is the way of educating them... so up to my point of view that would be your second mistake... Your husband sister may have given your H the wrong advices, she will be always in his side (after all is his sister) but if you have problems with that you should have spoken with your husband about that and let him deal with his side of the family... My 2 cents... I think you will have a very lonely Thanks Giving if you don't eat up your pride and realize that maybe your husband is wrong all along but you are not perfect either... you can chose leave him or stay with him but if you chose to stay with him then you should have full commitment and not make a big problem of thins like your hubby not liking you to spank the kids... please communicate more and try to solve it or just leave him and that is all...
Author Indypendence Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 It was definitely not the right thing to do to go out with another man, you get no arguement from me on that. Him handling his family; you are correct on that front too. However, I handle me and when she contacted me inquring about me not returning her phone calls I let her know the reason why and that she could step off as far as I am concerned. Brother or No; I feel she took giving advice to another level. Thanksgiving was a good one for the most part, with the moment past of the intial outcry of his parent concerning his sobbing sister. We were able to have a conversation about the issue. It was agreed upon that I have a right to my feelings; but that my response left no room for her to apologize for possible overstepping some boundaries. As for the drinking. With all this stress I SHOULD have one. But, I do not. The only time I seem to have anything wrong with me is when my husband has an issue with me. In the heat of an arguement. When he wants to take a dig at me and shake me from my core. That was the same issue with spanking my daughter, no issue, that's a form of punishment that we don't use often. The difference this time is that there was already a storm a brewing, mainly because I refused to return to our bedroom, or had many words for him in general. This has been stressful to our entire family. The kids, him, me, and now my in-laws. He broke down and revealed his infidelity to them when he had to explain why I moved out of the bedroom. I wasn't looking for approval. I just needed to vent with a computer, I guess.
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