confusedgirl2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I have a very good guy friend, but I don't know if we are hanging out or dating. I have been in love with him for 4 years. He is quite a private person and would not really share much personal information. However despite that, he has a charming character and always manage to make people love him, both guys and girls. The first year, he hinted to me that he is not interested in me at all as he found me not mature enough. After that he went on to date another girl. Despite that I still hung around to be his friend. However, this whole year, we are hanging out with each other every other weekend. Both of us are very busy with work and he is the kind of guy who put his work first. We used to meet once in half a year/ 3 months to catch up before this year. However this year, we started to meet up monthly and then every other week or sometimes weekly. I didn't know that he broke up with his girlfriend at first when we started hanging out. After that we started to hang out about 2-4 times a month. Sometimes we will do our work together at Starbucks, sometimes go church, to the movies, dinner, etc. On certain days he will even spend 11 hours with me. Most of the time we do not go dutch. We will take turn to pay. He will share his food with me and even put the food we are sharing on my plate for me. Yet, we do not really msg or call much on the weekday. He seemed so busy with work. I strongly suspect he knows that I like him alot. All my friends said he should know I am crazy about him At first the number of time we asked each other to hang out is equal. However for the past few months, I noticed it has been more of me asking him to hang out. So to confirm that he is no longer interested, I purposely did not contact him for 2 weeks. To me, if he does not ask me out within 3 weeks, i will take it as he is not interested in me at all. But he always came true. That is why I could not let go. Anyway, other things aside, he is really a very good friend and I cannot afford to lose the friendship. He is the one who helped me grew up and make me a better person. He also recognised that I had mature alot within the 4 years that I know him, and that is why he now hangs out with me. So many thing changed in this one year as compared to the previous years. He will now update me about his work and shared with me his joys automatically. Few years ago, it used to be me talking and he listened. He definitely flirted with me when we hang out from time to time, but I am not sure if he does it with other girls too. He will tease me too. Judging by the lack of time he has due to work commitment, I don't think there is time for him to hang out with another girl as much. And just few days ago, I brought him to a romantic restaurant to celebrate his birthday which he was very impressed by my choice. The bill did not come cheap, couple of hundred - something one would not normally spend on a dinner for a friend. That night he shared with me about all his ex-girlfriends (5 of them) and this one girl he really regretted letting her go. He also asked me why did I not consider other guys. I am so confused. Does he see me as a very good friend or more? Are we hanging out or dating? It has been a year since we hang out this way and I cannot see where is this leading to. What should I do moving forward? All my good friends are asking me to thrash it out with him, but I don't know how. Is there anyway I can test it? I can't afford to lose him as a good friend if things don't work out. Please please give me your advice. Thanks!
veggirl Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I think you should give up trying to date him. He obviously has some relationship experience and knows how to segue from hanging out to more and he has not done that with you, in fact he has asked why you are not dating other people (imo that is telling esp coming off an expensive dinner, he was hinting to you like why are you wasting this on me when we are not even dating). I mean he even talks to you about his ex that he misses! I don't even think I'd bother having a conversation about this, I'd just accept it is friendship and nothing more. I mean he doesn't try to kiss you and he isn't affectionate...
Leigh 87 Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 He obviously enjoys your company, or he would not have wanted to spend his birthday with you. But he is most DEFINATELY not interested in your romantically! Look, if this guy DID really want do be with you in a relationship, he WOULD ASK YOU ON A DATE. He has had girlfriends before, so he knows how to go about showing a girl he is interested. Move on and once you find a guy who wants to be with you and how you also like, being friends with this other guy will probably get easier.
natwilliams Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 I was this guy once. Not only is he not interested but he will actually get annoyed if you keep trying to push it. If you cant accept it, you should keep good distance otherwise it will become a negative emotional drain. It happened to me with a good female friend. I wish i was more direct sooner.
Yookie Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 If you are accepting him as a friend because you HOPE one day he will magically decide that he wants you to be his lady, PLEASE do yourself a favor and stop immediately!!! I personally know a woman in your shoes who is still waiting for her good friend to realize he loves her... it's been 15 years!!!! Not. Gonna. Happen.
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