Negative Nancy Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 There is a saying that says: If you suspect cheating there is 90% chance of cheating. I agree with this. If your gut is telling you he's cheating, he probably is; why else would you have the suspicion? No smoke without a fire.
Author leigh66 Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 excellent idea of texting her while ime with him, i thought her number might b on his phone under another name but ive checked and its not there so he must be hiding it somewhere
Author leigh66 Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 if it was on his phone under another name i was going to change it to a payg number that i will transfer onto a spare phone
BetrayedH Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 excellent idea of texting her while ime with him, i thought her number might b on his phone under another name but ive checked and its not there so he must be hiding it somewhere Initially, I found it strange that he would leave his phone out and even at home if he's having an affair. That's very atypical. But if you have phone records of him texting/calling her and the texts are gone from his phone and her number isn't even in his phone, it seems like he's making a lot of effort to hide their communication. A PI didn't do much for me. They trailed my wife once and came up with nothing. That was $200. But I put a $200 GPS on her car and caught her the first time I downloaded the data. A lot of people also have success with placing a voice activated recorder under the steering column.
Author leigh66 Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 Yeh definately is not on his phone, i had a witheld phone call this morning too from a woman who said sorry wrong number
Author leigh66 Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 How do i hide this, ime finding it so hard and keep dropping hints but not things that he would suspect so far, ime trying to act normal in front of him but because of the hate i keep arguing because i cant drop why, help how do u do this
Ladydrib Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 If you want the truth you have to keep quiet until you find it, or else it will just make it harder to get. If you say anything before you are certain he will just start lying to you and you'll start to doubt yourself and feel like you are going crazy. Only other option is to trick him. If you can pull it off it can work. Trick him into confession. You have the number or name? (only do this if you are as sure as you can be without proof) Come forward to him, act very calm, quiet, and serious. Don't give much information at all. Just say "I know about you and xxx". Then let him do the talking. Stick firmly on the fact that you know, you have proof and you are not telling him how or any further detail. And then go stay the night with a friend or family member. He'll likely confess. You have to stay calm and provide very little info. Do not let him question you and do not question him.
BetrayedH Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 If you want the truth you have to keep quiet until you find it, or else it will just make it harder to get. If you say anything before you are certain he will just start lying to you and you'll start to doubt yourself and feel like you are going crazy. Only other option is to trick him. If you can pull it off it can work. Trick him into confession. You have the number or name? (only do this if you are as sure as you can be without proof) Come forward to him, act very calm, quiet, and serious. Don't give much information at all. Just say "I know about you and xxx". Then let him do the talking. Stick firmly on the fact that you know, you have proof and you are not telling him how or any further detail. And then go stay the night with a friend or family member. He'll likely confess. You have to stay calm and provide very little info. Do not let him question you and do not question him. Ugh. You know, I like this suggestion (because he will likely confess to "something") but he is going to "gaslight" you and "trickle-truth" you to be sure. He will make you feel like you are crazy and/or just give you as much information as you already know. I used this method to get more information when my wife was already caught red-handed. Ladydrib's first instinct in her response was right. You have to shut up until you know enough to truly hold him accountable for what's actually happened. Otherwise you may never know if this was a physical affair or if it was "just once" or whatever other bull**** line is most certainly going to come out of his mouth. Borrow money from family to get to the truth. 1
Ladydrib Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 you're awful. If you suspect it, and have found evidence of it, it's probably happening. smoke=fire, that whole thing. Don't waste MORE time gathering MORE evidence, you're not building an indictment, so get free asap (ideally). If you we're married, I'd say collect evidence so the court BS will be in your favor, but this isn't that, so whatever.. It sounds like she wants to leave if she has proof. Suspicion alone is not enough for her. And it further complicates things that he cheated previously because she wonders if her suspicions are only a result of the damage from the past infidelity and if that's the case she would be leaving unnecessarily. I agree, personally I'd just leave. But everyone's situation is different and everyone's beliefs are different, so she knows what's best for her. If she needs the truth and he is in fact cheating, he certainly will not admit it just because she shares her concern. If he knows she's concerned he'll be more careful about hiding the cheating. 1
BetrayedH Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 It sounds like she wants to leave if she has proof. Suspicion alone is not enough for her. And it further complicates things that he cheated previously because she wonders if her suspicions are only a result of the damage from the past infidelity and if that's the case she would be leaving unnecessarily. I agree, personally I'd just leave. But everyone's situation is different and everyone's beliefs are different, so she knows what's best for her. If she needs the truth and he is in fact cheating, he certainly will not admit it just because she shares her concern. If he knows she's concerned he'll be more careful about hiding the cheating. Yeah, it's so easy to say, "just leave." An outside party (like a random poster on an anonymous forum) has nothing invested, no emotional connection, and nothing to lose. The fact is that about 80% of people make an attempt to reconcile after they've discovered cheating. It's seriously unrealistic to expect someone to leave a spouse (or long term partner) based on suspicion. She needs to know the truth.
Author leigh66 Posted November 24, 2012 Author Posted November 24, 2012 It is hard untill i find hard evidence but ime keeping quiet and ive also blocked her number on his phone while he was in the shower, he wont find it because hes not very clued up on phones, i did this so i know whether she is texting him or he is just texting her because if he txts her then i def know that he has the number somewhere and hes not just returning her txt, we also booked a family holiday six months ago and we go in 7 days so that is going to be really hard, but yes if i did find out i would leave i did before and filed for divorce but found it hard because i had no where to live with 2 little kids but even then he admitted it but said they were just friends and nothing had happened
Author leigh66 Posted November 24, 2012 Author Posted November 24, 2012 new update my son found glitter on my hubbys nuck t0night although he ha been in sh0wer ive never workn glitter
Ladydrib Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 new update my son found glitter on my hubbys nuck t0night although he ha been in sh0wer ive never workn glitter If you feel the need to extract information from him without proof you have to be tricky. Here's an idea. Start wearing glitter. Don't call attention to it, let him find it, and if he asks you about it don't let on about your suspicions. Just say something like, "I thought it was interesting so I got some". This might freak him out a little and you might see a little reaction without directly know that you're suspicious. 1
Ladydrib Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 new update my son found glitter on my hubbys nuck t0night although he ha been in sh0wer ive never workn glitter Wait... Are you saying he came home and got in the shower and the same night that he took a shower upon coming home you/your son discovered glitter on him? The shower part is what I'm focusing on. That in combination with the glitter is very suspicious. Was this a normal time for him to take a shower or was the timing of the shower out of the norm for him? I sound like I might of been joking about trying to freak him out by wearing glitter, but I'm serious. If he's cheating he is completely in sneaky mode. The only way you can get anything out of someone like that is to outsmart their tricks. You'd expect them to be straight forward, because you've put trust into them, but if they have something to hide, you have to be tricky back.
Tainted love Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Believe me, I've just found out my partner was having an affair through the OW. It took photos from her before he would admit it. Leaving is a big decision to make, I know, so I can see why you would want as much evidence as possible to back up your decision. What I would say is that you do need to stay silent while you monitor him - once you ask him the power is on his side to make you feel like you've been crazy for thinking it and giving you every excuse in the world - and hiding things better. There's no going back once you accuse and I think you might regret not having investigated more. Going on holiday is going to be really difficult for you i suspect. Have you got a plan on how you might handle HIS suspicions if you're acting a little down/angry/emotional?
BetrayedH Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Strippers wear glitter. Of course, I also had glitter all over me yesterday from buying Christmas ornaments at Wal-Mart. 1
Author leigh66 Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 He gets in the shower roughly at the same time every evening,
Ladydrib Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 how do i be tricky back The glitter suggestion was an example. Being tricky will have to be a creative output of what ever information you have to work with. The key is to never confirm that you are in fact suspicious and come up with strategies to get information without revealing any. Another example was what I suggested to say to get him to not take his phone in the shower (but since he doesn't anyway, it's not applicable). Look for opportunities. Someone else mentioned a recording device you could hide in his car. I'd also look into that. I imagine it's not very expensive.
Author leigh66 Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 Well we go on hol pretty soon, i bought a new top with glitter on he didnt seem to bat a eyelid when i showed him it and theres been no txts recently either ime thinking dont text because i might get a reply while wifes here, dont know really ime confused, he doesnt have a clue i know, i havnt given any thing away, STRANGE Anyway dont think i will be on this site for a week but if anyone replies i will read them all when i get home, anyone got any ideas thanks
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