Is No Sex in a Relationship a Deal Breaker?

[Marek]

I am ready for adult relationship. I dont think sex is the only thing that makes a relationship an "adult" one. I'm just not ready for sex yet, and it's pushing two years, and I want both of us to be happy and satisfied in our relationship. But, I don't want all we shared to end because something stupid like sex.

A two year relationship without sex?! The guy has the patience of a sniper. You do realize that most guys would probably dump you if you didn't put out after 3 months of dating...

[Ninjainpajamas]

Alexiss..the truth is you're far too young and inexperienced to utilize any good advice, let alone take it.

 

You think you really know this guy and who he is, and what's he's after, but you have no idea. I'm 32 myself and you'd be about as difficult as convincing a puppy to lick my face in the romance department, If I gave you my knowledge and wisdom, not only as a man but an experienced man who understands men extremely well, you're entire head would explode with all the information and essentially reality.

 

Somethings wrong with a guy his age dating someone your age, if not completely twisted, immature and essentially a predator. To you predators have sharp fangs and finger nails and stomp around like boogie men...no that's not true at all, the best predators are the sheep in wolves clothing.

 

Later on, once you have some sense in you you'll see how ridiculous it all is, unfortunately right now time, wisdom, or maturity is not on your side, not to mention the failings of your family in helping you with this issue...I don't know whether to blame you for being this clueless or blame them for being so naive and letting you down in a time where you are extremely vulnerable...If I were your family, brother, I would give this guy such a peace of my mind and if necessary an @ss whooping to just to put this creep out of his little comfort zone because I know way better than to fall for his crap...I know you don't see it now, but I guarantee you at his age you'll look back at this guy in a whole different light, you'll look at a 19 year old girl or guy and you'll be like "wow, what a baby...thinking they know it all, and what love is, and they had no idea"....it's actually really scary, because it's almost like you're not capable of thinking for yourself right now as an adult basically.

 

Anyway, believe in love...after all age is just a number right? ::swoooon::

 

At the end of the day this guy is like a fly landing on a piece of bread rubbing his hands together, biding his time, giving you what you need...his patience is not respectful to me, it goes to show the level of creep he is and how likely infatuated he is in sleeping with you and being intimate with you....knowing you're a virgin and he'll be the first and likely be able to have this sex life he has always wanted to you....so his "patience" and "understanding" is anything more than this guy really being an opportunist waiting for the big payoff...you're not on his level, and it's ridiculous yet expected to think that it's not a barrier, quite sad really.

 

So no, you won't get away just cuddling with this guy or hanging out with him without sex...If he was a respectful, stand-up, worthy, gentlemen who was any good he would never have been with you, he would have walked away as a self-respecting man with some actual sense, moral compass and values, and as an adult. Not manipulate you into this whole 2 years shindig where he thinks he's gonna get ya into bed eventually, he's like coddling you and nurturing you and he will grow inpatient eventually.

 

I don't know what kind of guy does this with a 19 year old, but it isn't a good one. And you know what? if you were really that close and in-love you'd probably trust him a lot more and be a lot less nervous, although I realize you are religious...which begs the question, why in the hell hasn't anyone stepped in and body slammed this idiot?

 

You're so clueless and naive about all of this, who in the world is watching out for you?

 

This guy can use you up and leave you regretting this entire experience in the end making you feel like crap, because this is not the behavior of a good, sincere and supporting guy and eventually you're going to see through it.

 

You're not going to be ready and it seems you are "normal" at least somewhere in that head of yours because you're still not feeling right about this, and this guy isn't going to fix that for you or he'd have done it already, but It's obvious to me why he has not, he's not a good guy, he's not who you think he is, he's just way more experienced, older and not a complete moron...in terms of his demeanor, but then again he's pulling the wool over the eyes of a 19 year old girl, that's hardly an accomplishment for any man in his mid 20's even, let alone the 30's.

[Mint Sauce]

 

Why do they hate him?

[Alexiss]

Courting?! Courting still happens? Damn, do you confuse me. What part of the world are you from? OH. Super religious friends. No offense, but super-religious folks are a bit alien to me.

 

Augh, judgmental friends. GO TO COLLEGE. Get some life experience. I very much doubt you'll marry this man, and trust me. You don't want too! He's much too old for you. No, really.

 

And, haha, well, you could always make a thread asking about first times!

 

:laugh:Yeah, courting still happens. It's really popular in the Christian community. LOL I dont mind religious people, just the super ones are a bit off putting. Too much of anything is off putting. But, I am in college I dont really feel he's that old for me. My parents have a big age gap, and they are the cutest couple on earth. And yeah, that's an idea !

[Alexiss]

Alexiss..the truth is you're far too young and inexperienced to utilize any good advice, let alone take it.

 

You think you really know this guy and who he is, and what's he's after, but you have no idea. I'm 32 myself and you'd be about as difficult as convincing a puppy to lick my face in the romance department, If I gave you my knowledge and wisdom, not only as a man but an experienced man who understands men extremely well, you're entire head would explode with all the information and essentially reality.

 

Somethings wrong with a guy his age dating someone your age, if not completely twisted, immature and essentially a predator. To you predators have sharp fangs and finger nails and stomp around like boogie men...no that's not true at all, the best predators are the sheep in wolves clothing.

 

Later on, once you have some sense in you you'll see how ridiculous it all is, unfortunately right now time, wisdom, or maturity is not on your side, not to mention the failings of your family in helping you with this issue...I don't know whether to blame you for being this clueless or blame them for being so naive and letting you down in a time where you are extremely vulnerable...If I were your family, brother, I would give this guy such a peace of my mind and if necessary an @ss whooping to just to put this creep out of his little comfort zone because I know way better than to fall for his crap...I know you don't see it now, but I guarantee you at his age you'll look back at this guy in a whole different light, you'll look at a 19 year old girl or guy and you'll be like "wow, what a baby...thinking they know it all, and what love is, and they had no idea"....it's actually really scary, because it's almost like you're not capable of thinking for yourself right now as an adult basically.

 

Anyway, believe in love...after all age is just a number right? ::swoooon::

 

At the end of the day this guy is like a fly landing on a piece of bread rubbing his hands together, biding his time, giving you what you need...his patience is not respectful to me, it goes to show the level of creep he is and how likely infatuated he is in sleeping with you and being intimate with you....knowing you're a virgin and he'll be the first and likely be able to have this sex life he has always wanted to you....so his "patience" and "understanding" is anything more than this guy really being an opportunist waiting for the big payoff...you're not on his level, and it's ridiculous yet expected to think that it's not a barrier, quite sad really.

 

So no, you won't get away just cuddling with this guy or hanging out with him without sex...If he was a respectful, stand-up, worthy, gentlemen who was any good he would never have been with you, he would have walked away as a self-respecting man with some actual sense, moral compass and values, and as an adult. Not manipulate you into this whole 2 years shindig where he thinks he's gonna get ya into bed eventually, he's like coddling you and nurturing you and he will grow inpatient eventually.

 

I don't know what kind of guy does this with a 19 year old, but it isn't a good one. And you know what? if you were really that close and in-love you'd probably trust him a lot more and be a lot less nervous, although I realize you are religious...which begs the question, why in the hell hasn't anyone stepped in and body slammed this idiot?

 

You're so clueless and naive about all of this, who in the world is watching out for you?

 

This guy can use you up and leave you regretting this entire experience in the end making you feel like crap, because this is not the behavior of a good, sincere and supporting guy and eventually you're going to see through it.

 

You're not going to be ready and it seems you are "normal" at least somewhere in that head of yours because you're still not feeling right about this, and this guy isn't going to fix that for you or he'd have done it already, but It's obvious to me why he has not, he's not a good guy, he's not who you think he is, he's just way more experienced, older and not a complete moron...in terms of his demeanor, but then again he's pulling the wool over the eyes of a 19 year old girl, that's hardly an accomplishment for any man in his mid 20's even, let alone the 30's.

 

I dont understand why everyone is making a big deal about the age difference. We have been meshing so well. I love the fact that he is mature and experience in life. He is not a bad guy. I can count how many times we've got in a fight. I appreciate your advice, I really do! I know I can be a bit naive, but that's not his fault. I should have known moving in would eventually lead to a more intimate relationship...

[Alexiss]

Alexiss, you don't realize that if you move in with a man, he's going to expect sex??

 

You can call me Alexi, but no I really didn't, and I'm not even kidding. I would have waiting longer if I knew. I was just so wrapped up in being closer to him and living on my own instead of on campus

[Mrlonelyone]

I dont understand why everyone is making a big deal about the age difference. We have been meshing so well. I love the fact that he is mature and experience in life. He is not a bad guy. I can count how many times we've got in a fight. I appreciate your advice, I really do! I know I can be a bit naive, but that's not his fault. I should have known moving in would eventually lead to a more intimate relationship...

 

 

Don't worry about the age difference. Just ask people who say this sort of thing to you if they would tell JayZ that he's a pervert for marrying Beyonce, who's 12 years younger than him.

[Alexiss]

Don't worry about the age difference. Just ask people who say this sort of thing to you if they would tell JayZ that he's a pervert for marrying Beyonce, who's 12 years younger than him.

 

They are a cute couple, and been together forever! My parents are almost 20 years apart, and they are fine, which is why they don't see a major issue with my relationship because it can work.

[truth_seeker]

What's the point of a relationship if there's no sex? That's the best part of it!

[cloudatlas]

Ahhh, sweetheart, just the fact that you didn't expect a man to want sex when you're living with him just - it proves how naive you are. It's just, it's being blind to common human behavior. A man that is with you will expect sex, especially if you live with him, and it's been two years. Technically, I think the age difference may have worked in your favor there. Not many your age will stick with that, though I did know one that did - only a year and some more, for his girlfriend, but then again, he and she were fine with him sleeping with men on the side.

 

Personally, I think living on campus might have let you widen your perspective, which is what you need. You sound so sweet. If you wanted to get closer to him - sex can be very intimate. Also, trust me, the first time is not a big a deal as everyone in real life or the media seems to make it as.

[Zidonuke]

I am 21 and well... I don't think you are wrong for wanting to wait. He is old and more experienced and well.... every man wants sex. But you're young enough that you SHOULD still be able to decide when and how you want to lose your virginity! It is your body and you don't "owe" it to him just because you're in a relationship!!!

 

If someone wants sex from me and I say no, they will have to either have to deal with it or leave. But that's just the way I am. I don't take that crap from anyone, and I am wayy happier that way.

 

To the guy that said the thing about dumping a girl if they haven't had sex with him after three months... I've never been dumped, and I always wait at LEAST three months. Alexiss, if he truly loves you, he will stay and wait for you. Don't settle for anything less then you deserve.

[Mrlonelyone]

They are a cute couple, and been together forever! My parents are almost 20 years apart, and they are fine, which is why they don't see a major issue with my relationship because it can work.

 

Yes they are a really cute couple, and they work so well together. There are many other historical couples that had that kind of age gap in the recent past. Try to remember your parents and other such couples as you go forward.

 

 

A key question is can you take the heat?

 

As you can see from the responses here people are really judgmental of anyone who's sex life falls outside certain accepted norms.

 

A quick recap of all the judgement:

 

• More than a few months of no sex, dump em.
  
• A man who waits for a woman to be ready, insinuation he's really gay.
  
• A man who wants a much younger woman is a peadophile.
  
• A woman who wants a much older man has daddy issues.
  

 

Could you handle people acting like that towards you in real life once they know what the situation is, for as long as you are in a relationship? Be honest with yourself about this, social approval is important to many young men and women. Could you handle loosing some friends in college over your relationship with this man (that will happen)?

Edited November 24, 2012 by Mrlonelyone

[Lexii94]

:laugh:Yeah, courting still happens. It's really popular in the Christian community. LOL I dont mind religious people, just the super ones are a bit off putting. Too much of anything is off putting. But, I am in college I dont really feel he's that old for me. My parents have a big age gap, and they are the cutest couple on earth. And yeah, that's an idea !

 

Curious, when did you guys start dating or when was he interested in you?

[Alexiss]

Yes they are a really cute couple, and they work so well together. There are many other historical couples that had that kind of age gap in the recent past. Try to remember your parents and other such couples as you go forward.

 

 

A key question is can you take the heat?

 

As you can see from the responses here people are really judgmental of anyone who's sex life falls outside certain accepted norms.

 

A quick recap of all the judgement:

 

• More than a few months of no sex, dump em.
  
• A man who waits for a woman to be ready, insinuation he's really gay.
  
• A man who wants a much younger woman is a peadophile.
  
• A woman who wants a much older man has daddy issues.
  

 

Could you handle people acting like that towards you in real life once they know what the situation is, for as long as you are in a relationship? Be honest with yourself about this, social approval is important to many young men and women. Could you handle loosing some friends in college over your relationship with this man (that will happen)?

 

I know. I've been dealing with weird looks for almost 2 years now. At this point, I'm immune to it. I dont care if people accept him or not. As far as my friends, if they dont respect my decision to be with him, then they don't respect me.

[Alexiss]

Curious, when did you guys start dating or when was he interested in you?

 

We started dating when I was 17. I was interested in him at 16, but I couldn't do anything about it.

[veggirl]

Your Christian parents are cool with you living with a guy prior to marriage?

[Alexiss]

Your Christian parents are cool with you living with a guy prior to marriage?

 

My parents arent Christian. They were happy and even encouraging me to move in with him. I had their full blessings, my parents love him.

[shadow15]

This topic interests me. Idc about the age different that everyone is talking about but I'm curious about the sex situation as well. My ex girlfriend we dated for 2 years, actually broke up the day after our 2 year anniversary. Long story short, she wanted to wait until marriage as well, but we did literally did everything else, she's 19 and I'm 20. I respected that and admired her even more, heck we would get so frisky that we was practically having sex but she would want us to calm down, and even got a little uncomfortable when I was just in my underwear. We broke up cause she said we was distant, due to work and school, it was difficult to see each other, plus she said she didn't love me anymore and thought of me as just a best friend. I still care about the girl a little bit and I always wondered if I talked about sex more to her would it have made us closer. I know it's not the same situation as yours, but its similar. Writing this makes me pissed off too cause I have been seeing my ex has been talking to some dude, and it makes me wonder if he's going make the move like I should have done. It makes me sick just thinking about her being with another dude, even though I believe he's less attractive than me, problem is I still think she's beautiful.

Edited November 24, 2012 by shadow15

[Alexiss]

This topic interests me. Idc about the age different that everyone is talking about but I'm curious about the sex situation as well. My ex girlfriend we dated for 2 years, actually broke up the day after our 2 year anniversary. Long story short, she wanted to wait until marriage as well, but we did literally did everything else, she's 19 and I'm 20. I respected that and admired her even more, heck we would get so frisky that we was practically having sex but she would want us to calm down, and even got a little uncomfortable when I was just in my underwear. We broke up cause she said we was distant, due to work and school, it was difficult to see each other, plus she said she didn't love me anymore and thought of me as just a best friend. I still care about the girl a little bit and I always wondered if I talked about sex more to her would it have made us closer. I know it's not the same situation as yours, but its similar. Writing this makes me pissed off too cause I have been seeing my ex has been talking to some dude, and it makes me wonder if he's going make the move like I should have done. It makes me sick just thinking about her being with another dude, even though I believe he's less attractive than me, problem is I still think she's beautiful.

 

Similar, but my bf doesnt wait to try to sleep with me. He doesnt back down lol. But, if you still like her...talk to her. Talking doesnt hurt

[Mrlonelyone]

She's riding him like a pony as we speak, women only want to wait x amount of time with men they don't have ( sufficient ) chemistry with.

 

Aka you.

 

Sadly that is true way too much of the time. Especially if one is waiting for YEARS. Hence why the OP's BF is a bit nervous.

[Nightsky]

An 18 year old girl willing to date a man 20 years her senior!

 

Dude you're only 28. You really shouldn't have problems banging 18 year olds. Also when you are 20 years older than 18 year olds and you happen to be single you'll either have it or you won't.

 

I dont understand why everyone is making a big deal about the age difference. We have been meshing so well. I love the fact that he is mature and experience in life. He is not a bad guy. I can count how many times we've got in a fight. I appreciate your advice, I really do! I know I can be a bit naive, but that's not his fault. I should have known moving in would eventually lead to a more intimate relationship...

 

Some people are really big prudes about age. I wouldn't worry about that. The thing I would worry about is how silly you two must be if you think you can live together and not have sex. hahaha

 

My parents arent Christian. They were happy and even encouraging me to move in with him. I had their full blessings, my parents love him.

 

Your parents are silly people. If you want to have sex with him than have it. If not I would suggest moving home or into your own place. good luck.

[Alexiss]

Dude you're only 28. You really shouldn't have problems banging 18 year olds. Also when you are 20 years older than 18 year olds and you happen to be single you'll either have it or you won't.

 

 

 

Some people are really big prudes about age. I wouldn't worry about that. The thing I would worry about is how silly you two must be if you think you can live together and not have sex. hahaha

 

 

 

Your parents are silly people. If you want to have sex with him than have it. If not I would suggest moving home or into your own place. good luck.

 

lol. I want to, but I don't think I'm ready for it, yet. I already spoke to my parents, and they said I can move back home or stay on campus if feel super uncomfortable living with my bf. I rather live on campus, though. I'm on my parents black list right now.

[Pompom]

No, all my friends are super religious and would judge me even more if they knew I wanted to sleep with my bf. But, my bf does knows I'm nervous about sex, but he doesn't know the extent of it. I brief him about it, but not in details. Should I tell him every details about my nerves?

Well, then I would question the value of their friendship if their dusty old book supercedes whatever floats modern-day people's real-life boats and if they judge and possibly reject you over being a normal adult.

And if you make your choices based on what other small-minded people may or may not judge you for... I would also suggest growing a pair. Peer pressure only exists to the extent you choose to give in to it. If anyone judges you for something legal and legitimate that hurts no one and makes you happy, tell them to shove it and sod right off. This is your life you're living, not theirs, so make YUOR decisions based on YOUR thoughts.