veggirl Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Does this actually happen in real life...? And if so, where can I find myself one...? Where can you find what? A sexless relationship? lol what are you talking about Hokie! I just dont want my first time to be filled with anxiety. It should be enjoyable and perfect. I know I'm going to be nervous regardless, but what I feel is beyond nervousness. Most people are nervous and anxious their first time. I guess I don't understand why you are "ready" to live with a grown man and sleep in the same bed every night but after 2 years you aren't ready for sex. Is it a trust thing? I'm very surprised you guys did not discuss this before moving in together and I am shocked he has waited 2 yrs.
pteromom Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I guess I don't understand how two years into a relationship, he hasn't seduced you to the point where you WANT to have sex. Do you guys kiss and make out? When you do, do you get turned on and want more? Does he do anything romantic and loving toward you? Does it make you want to be physically closer to him? Has he ever tried to have sex with you before? When you said no, what was his reaction? Do you have any history of sexual abuse that would cause built-in anxiety about sex? Do you have a libido and a desire for sex at all? Do you masturbate? Rather than blast you for your choice of partner, let's try to get to the bottom of what's going on. 1
Author Alexiss Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 They sure are. Think about it logically. If you are living together, sleeping in the same bed, half naked or naked... sex could just happen. Now his approach of "pressuring" you is the wrong way to go. An older man/woman with a younger woman/man has to be gentle and seductive about this. Someone his age, even if he is inexperience for his age, has more experience than you. He needs to lead you in the dance even though you don't know the steps yet. If this is done properly you will find yourself enjoying a satisfying passionate sex life, real friendship, and a fair level of commitment. Again, if you aren't ready for sex 100% then he may just leave you. Sex is one of the cornerstones of romantic loving adult relationship. Wanting to have sex dosen't make someone a creep. *sighs* I have to think about this because I dont wan to lose him over this.
USMCHokie Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Where can you find what? A sexless relationship? lol what are you talking about Hokie! An 18 year old girl willing to date a man 20 years her senior!
Author Alexiss Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 I guess I don't understand how two years into a relationship, he hasn't seduced you to the point where you WANT to have sex. Do you guys kiss and make out? When you do, do you get turned on and want more? Does he do anything romantic and loving toward you? Does it make you want to be physically closer to him? Has he ever tried to have sex with you before? When you said no, what was his reaction? Do you have any history of sexual abuse that would cause built-in anxiety about sex? Do you have a libido and a desire for sex at all? Do you masturbate? Rather than blast you for your choice of partner, let's try to get to the bottom of what's going on. He always turns me on. We can make out and go pretty far, but not have sex because I'll get scared. He has been fairly supportive when I say no to him to sex,except 2 times. Once was when he called me immature. And the other time earlier in our relationship when we were messing around, and he jokingly said I either had to have sex with him or give him oral. I said neither and he pushed himself against me. He didnt go in, but I cave in and gave him a oral. That situation was so awkward, but I got over it.
Mrlonelyone Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 An 18 year old girl willing to date a man 20 years her senior! Go to college for some reason. There is a built in advantage to being an older more mature male among overgrown boys. A quality young woman will see those advantages.
Author Alexiss Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 Where can you find what? A sexless relationship? lol what are you talking about Hokie! Most people are nervous and anxious their first time. I guess I don't understand why you are "ready" to live with a grown man and sleep in the same bed every night but after 2 years you aren't ready for sex. Is it a trust thing? I'm very surprised you guys did not discuss this before moving in together and I am shocked he has waited 2 yrs. I dont equate sleeping in the same bed with sex. I dont think that gives anyone an automatic ticket to sex. I've slept in the same bed with my friends, and never had they tried to sleep with me. If I didnt trust him I would have never moved in with him. The only thing we discussed in details was rent, not being far apart from each other, and what furniture we were going to put in the house. He has his moments of extreme patience, and I admire him for that.
Lexii94 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Mother of God. Did you even finish growing yet? Why are you with this guy? He sounds creepy. Think about it. You first met him when you were 15, and 2 years later he's dating you, AND your parents are happy about it o-O. He's had his pedophile eyes on you since you were 15! He was probably dying for you to become "of age", and now you wont give it up. Good for his creepy butt. 3
todreaminblue Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I dont equate sleeping in the same bed with sex. I dont think that gives anyone an automatic ticket to sex. I've slept in the same bed with my friends, and never had they tried to sleep with me. If I didnt trust him I would have never moved in with him. The only thing we discussed in details was rent, not being far apart from each other, and what furniture we were going to put in the house. He has his moments of extreme patience, and I admire him for that. i have read your posts where you say you are nervous and anxious and the post you wrote about not wanting to live on campus and just be with him.......also that sex didnt come into the equation.....when you live with a guy for two years and sleep with him in the same bed as "if married" then he is going to want to carry it further.I feel for you i do,the first time is not going to be perfect, that comes with practice and knowing someones body intimately what they like what you like and what you both like doing to each other, you cant achieve that on a first time.......its not realistic......i think you should talk to a counselor maybe they have one on campus you could see.....extreme nervousness and anxiety isnt easy to get over....only with time and understanding will you get to the crux of your issue.... i have 3 teen girls......and i really hoped that marriage would come first.makes me sad when i think of the alternative lifestyles and issue4s and situations that arise..i am not saying that to you because you get to ask your own mum for advice which is my suggestion....talk to your mum see what she advises for you...your mum has had sex and a first time to tell you about, however much you dont want to think about your mum having experience she is the best person for you to impart advice to...... she is there for you hopefully 24/7 its her job and it doesnt stop when you turn 18 its a life long commitment done with love and support, when you need her to help you she is yours...she knows you better than anyone on this board.....as a mum i say this to you....give your mum a chance to help you deal with this problem,you wont regret it....hugs from me to you....deb 2
todreaminblue Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Mother of God. Did you even finish growing yet? Why are you with this guy? He sounds creepy. Think about it. You first met him when you were 15, and 2 years later he's dating you, AND your parents are happy about it o-O. He's had his pedophile eyes on you since you were 15! He was probably dying for you to become "of age", and now you wont give it up. Good for his creepy butt. As a mother I say if the parents like him including the father of her there must be some merit to him.obviously something you have no idea about since you dont know him, neither do i.. you have been a bit harsh on her....she is an adult now...and he waited until she was an adult so throwing around pedo isn't appropriate or correct actually...throwing judgmental sarcasm is not very mature on your behalf.... the poster hasnt finished maturing yet obviously, she is a young adult virgin nervous and scared and she knows it......she has asked for advice not posted to be insulted, in which asking for help, actually does show maturity and honesty on her behalf in not being able to deal with a situation, all you offered her was a scathing remark...is sarcasm maturity? ...i know what form of wit it is. ...sarcasm for sure as crap is crap, isnt advice given thoughtfully....deb 1
Pompom Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I just dont want my first time to be filled with anxiety. It should be enjoyable and perfect. I know I'm going to be nervous regardless, but what I feel is beyond nervousness. Nothing will ever be perfect. Nothing. Ever. And meticulous, nervous preparations will only raise pressure and expectations and make the crash harder when it turns out that in the real world, nothing is ever as expected (though sometimes better). Planning, waiting, and inevitably letting tensions grow (see his reaction) will not contribute to a more enjoyable first time. On the contrary. Just do it when you're feeling horny. That works best. Maybe even after a drink. Not drunk, but cheery and relaxed. Doing what you do now, will not help either of you relax. And how do you want to prepare for something you have never tried? Only practice makes "perfect" (which is a non-achievable state of things). Just let things happen naturally. Now his approach of "pressuring" you is the wrong way to go. Pressuring is what happens after 2 weeks, not 2 years. After 2 years it's a justified reminder of basics not being met. @OP I dont think that gives anyone an automatic ticket to sex. No, but it makes it perfectly normal to expect sex. Unless you are "just friends", sharing a bed and expecting nothing to be expected to happen, is absurd. I've slept in the same bed with my friends, and never had they tried to sleep with me. Yes. Friends. Not boyfriend. Huge difference. It's like saying "Why won't my cat walk on a leash with me when my dog does it just fine?" As for sex before marriage, I recommend you do it. Don't buy a car you'll be paying off for years, if you haven't done a test drive first.
Lexii94 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 As a mother I say if the parents like him including the father of her there must be some merit to him.obviously something you have no idea about since you dont know him, neither do i.. you have been a bit harsh on her....she is an adult now...and he waited until she was an adult so throwing around pedo isn't appropriate or correct actually...throwing judgmental sarcasm is not very mature on your behalf.... the poster hasnt finished maturing yet obviously, she is a young adult virgin nervous and scared and she knows it......she has asked for advice not posted to be insulted, in which asking for help, actually does show maturity and honesty on her behalf in not being able to deal with a situation, all you offered her was a scathing remark...is sarcasm maturity? ...i know what form of wit it is. ...sarcasm for sure as crap is crap, isnt advice given thoughtfully....deb Have you ever considered maybe her parents are one fry short of happy meal? Because that would make total sense to me. Of course she hasn't finish maturing it. She probably hasn't even finish growing physically. OP: How many wisdom teeth do you have? 1
Lexii94 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 He always turns me on. We can make out and go pretty far, but not have sex because I'll get scared. He has been fairly supportive when I say no to him to sex,except 2 times. Once was when he called me immature. And the other time earlier in our relationship when we were messing around, and he jokingly said I either had to have sex with him or give him oral. I said neither and he pushed himself against me. He didnt go in, but I cave in and gave him a oral. That situation was so awkward, but I got over it. : Have you told your folks about this? I'm sure they would be just ecstatic to know that their "future son in law" is taking advantage of their daughter. Move out, stay on campus! Meet a hot "Young" guy, and by young I mean like 23 and under and 50 and under
Author Alexiss Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 i have read your posts where you say you are nervous and anxious and the post you wrote about not wanting to live on campus and just be with him.......also that sex didnt come into the equation.....when you live with a guy for two years and sleep with him in the same bed as "if married" then he is going to want to carry it further.I feel for you i do,the first time is not going to be perfect, that comes with practice and knowing someones body intimately what they like what you like and what you both like doing to each other, you cant achieve that on a first time.......its not realistic......i think you should talk to a counselor maybe they have one on campus you could see.....extreme nervousness and anxiety isnt easy to get over....only with time and understanding will you get to the crux of your issue.... i have 3 teen girls......and i really hoped that marriage would come first.makes me sad when i think of the alternative lifestyles and issue4s and situations that arise..i am not saying that to you because you get to ask your own mum for advice which is my suggestion....talk to your mum see what she advises for you...your mum has had sex and a first time to tell you about, however much you dont want to think about your mum having experience she is the best person for you to impart advice to...... she is there for you hopefully 24/7 its her job and it doesnt stop when you turn 18 its a life long commitment done with love and support, when you need her to help you she is yours...she knows you better than anyone on this board.....as a mum i say this to you....give your mum a chance to help you deal with this problem,you wont regret it....hugs from me to you....deb Thanks But, I really want to sleep with him even before we get married. Whenever I think I'm ready my nerves kick in. I already spoke to my mom about this. She was shock I was still a virgin , and told me the first time isnt as bad as I think, and I should just do it. I should take PomPom's advice and have a couple of drinks. I'm over analyzing the sex about what could go wrong and it's making me freak out.
Author Alexiss Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 Have you ever considered maybe her parents are one fry short of happy meal? Because that would make total sense to me. Of course she hasn't finish maturing it. She probably hasn't even finish growing physically. OP: How many wisdom teeth do you have? That's just cruel. You don't even know my parents. 1
todreaminblue Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Have you ever considered maybe her parents are one fry short of happy meal? Because that would make total sense to me. Of course she hasn't finish maturing it. She probably hasn't even finish growing physically. OP: How many wisdom teeth do you have? Have you ever thought sarcasm is the lowest form of wit? I do, its way down there ...gutter level...you have no right to judge....who gives a crap how many wisdom teeth the op has doesn't prove intellectual maturity you don't think with your teeth my friend even though they are called wisdom teeth .........it isnt wise to judge growth on wisdom teeth..... i think you opted out on the french fries altogether to state what you have....you settled for the dollar burger deal, short of french fries and the coke..have a nice day:).....deb
ascendotum Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I just dont want my first time to be filled with anxiety. It should be enjoyable and perfect. I know I'm going to be nervous regardless, but what I feel is beyond nervousness. Have you ever talked to your friends about their first time? Majority of people are anxious the first time. If your bf is any good at seduction and knows of your apprehension he will do a good job to make sure the nervousness is minimized and replaced with pleasure. Chances are it should be better than losing it with with some nervous hair trigger horny teenage boy in the backseat after a party scenario. Share some champagne beforehand to relax. Anyway, if the first time is not perfect, it wont scar you for life. The next time will be better & more enjoyable, and the next time after that and after that....
todreaminblue Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Thanks But, I really want to sleep with him even before we get married. Whenever I think I'm ready my nerves kick in. I already spoke to my mom about this. She was shock I was still a virgin , and told me the first time isnt as bad as I think, and I should just do it. I should take PomPom's advice and have a couple of drinks. I'm over analyzing the sex about what could go wrong and it's making me freak out. I liked your post and then re read it....lol....dont drink...not a good idea.....be in total control of your body and actions and memory....if you need to relax you should find that internally.......not rely on alcohol..its yoru first time you need to be clear headed...deb
Author Alexiss Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 I liked your post and then re read it....lol....dont drink...not a good idea.....be in total control of your body and actions and memory....if you need to relax you should find that internally.......not rely on alcohol..its yoru first time you need to be clear headed...deb LOL. Awww, but that sounded like a great idea to mellow out. My internal me is too nervous :/ I thought I would get over this nervous feeling by now. I feel so sorry for my bf. He's going to be all grey when I finally get over my nerves (exaggerating)
Author Alexiss Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 : Have you told your folks about this? I'm sure they would be just ecstatic to know that their "future son in law" is taking advantage of their daughter. Move out, stay on campus! Meet a hot "Young" guy, and by young I mean like 23 and under and 50 and under I'm pretty sure my parents dont want to know about how many times I had oral with my bf.
Author Alexiss Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 Have you ever talked to your friends about their first time? Majority of people are anxious the first time. If your bf is any good at seduction and knows of your apprehension he will do a good job to make sure the nervousness is minimized and replaced with pleasure. Chances are it should be better than losing it with with some nervous hair trigger horny teenage boy in the backseat after a party scenario. Share some champagne beforehand to relax. Anyway, if the first time is not perfect, it wont scar you for life. The next time will be better & more enjoyable, and the next time after that and after that.... No, all my friends are super religious and would judge me even more if they knew I wanted to sleep with my bf. But, my bf does knows I'm nervous about sex, but he doesn't know the extent of it. I brief him about it, but not in details. Should I tell him every details about my nerves?
ascendotum Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Gee if they were around your age I thought a number would already have had bfs and done sex if even they were religious (I thought 16 was avg age of first time). Maybe 'super religious' is a different story....and I wonder if this also plays a part in your trepidation. Surely you have a few friends on campus or from your high school days who aren't so uptight on sex you can discuss their first times with. I think you should tell your bf about your nerves, because he has no idea of what is going through your mind as to why you wont do it after 2 yrs of waiting or if its going to be as long again till you are ready. He might seek it on the side if he thinks he has to wait around a fair bit longer or he might break up with you so he can seek out a conventional relationship.
Author Alexiss Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 Gee if they were around your age I thought a number would already have had bfs and done sex if even they were religious (I thought 16 was avg age of first time). Maybe 'super religious' is a different story....and I wonder if this also plays a part in your trepidation. Surely you have a few friends on campus or from your high school days who aren't so uptight on sex you can discuss their first times with. I think you should tell your bf about your nerves, because he has no idea of what is going through your mind as to why you wont do it after 2 yrs of waiting or if its going to be as long again till you are ready. He might seek it on the side if he thinks he has to wait around a fair bit longer or he might break up with you so he can seek out a conventional relationship. Like 5 of them are courting, but that doesnt involve sex that's like a step before marriage. I do have a few acquaintance I talk to after classes, who are a little more secular, but their advice wont be any good. They hate my bf. lol I'm on my own with first time experience advice.
cloudatlas Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Courting?! Courting still happens? Damn, do you confuse me. What part of the world are you from? OH. Super religious friends. No offense, but super-religious folks are a bit alien to me. Augh, judgmental friends. GO TO COLLEGE. Get some life experience. I very much doubt you'll marry this man, and trust me. You don't want too! He's much too old for you. No, really. And, haha, well, you could always make a thread asking about first times! 1
Tara247 Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Alexiss, you don't realize that if you move in with a man, he's going to expect sex?? 2
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