soupergirl Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I found out that my bf of 3 years cheated on me last week. I started to suspect him cheating since I caught him texting flirty text messages to a girl, I confronted him about that but he said he won't do it again so I let it slide and told him to never do it again so we're okay. A few weeks after that, he acted really strange, he stopped calling or texting me or not returning my call and text. I started to feel worried. Out of my curiosity, I opened his email to see if there's something shady going on and I found out that he's messaging intimate message to another girl and I also found out that he has another girlfriend. I was so furious, I sent the girl a nasty message using his email and deleted his instagram account. I feel bad that i did those things but I was just so angry that he's not even man enough to tell me or even give closure to our relationship. If I didnt follow my instinct, I don't think I would ever find out he's already having another relationship. I've always been understanding and supporting gf. I just can't beleive he would treat me like this. I deserve at least a formal closure or tell me the truth if he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore. Do you think what I did was bad? Or is it normal for someone who got cheated on? I want your honest answer please.
movingon12 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I would say both bad *and* normal, but you've made your point now, don't do anything else.
Leigh 87 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 First of all, I am so sorry that this guy was such an @sshole to you. You need to stop contact with him, to kick things off right. He is not a nice person, because truly nice people have the decency to tell their girlfriend they want to break up, before they chase other women. You need to try to get positive people in your life, that guy just is not nice. You deserve better. For the future, try to date men who have integrety. See how they treat others; are they nice to waiters, and people around you on a daily basis? Even nice guys make mistakes, but rarely does a truly nice guy have multiple girlfriends, if he knows both girls really like him....
Author soupergirl Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 First of all, I am so sorry that this guy was such an @sshole to you. You need to stop contact with him, to kick things off right. He is not a nice person, because truly nice people have the decency to tell their girlfriend they want to break up, before they chase other women. You need to try to get positive people in your life, that guy just is not nice. You deserve better. For the future, try to date men who have integrety. See how they treat others; are they nice to waiters, and people around you on a daily basis? Even nice guys make mistakes, but rarely does a truly nice guy have multiple girlfriends, if he knows both girls really like him.... Thank you, Leigh 87! I really thought he's a nice guy and would not cheat on me but I was wrong. I trusted him and support him all the way to reach his goal and I find it so unfair for me that he would just replace me like that withouht telling me. What really disappoints me the most is that he cheated on me with a stripper with 2 kids! I mean, can he date someone better than that?
Leigh 87 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Don't be too hard on yourself! There are some pretty sh*tty people out there! Thankfully, there are also a lot of nice guys too! Just hold your head up high and continue with your life! Focus on yourself, remember that heartbreak is natural and normal to go through. The best thing to do would be to accept some pain will happen over this, and the best way to get through the pain is to be very positive! Being positive and friendly to people inhances things, and will help you move on faster; DO NOT stop much to think about WHY your ex was such an idiot! Some people just ARE bad people! They are not all that nice. He would probably treat most people badly, and even if this guy does find a girl he really loves and he treats well, FEEL SORRY FOR HER! Because he still is not a truly nice person... I would HATE to find out that my boyfriend would treat other girls like sh*t! You know - if he used to date severl girls at once, for example!
LostOne1 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 First of all, I am so sorry that this guy was such an @sshole to you. You need to stop contact with him, to kick things off right. He is not a nice person, because truly nice people have the decency to tell their girlfriend they want to break up, before they chase other women. You need to try to get positive people in your life, that guy just is not nice. You deserve better. For the future, try to date men who have integrety. See how they treat others; are they nice to waiters, and people around you on a daily basis? Even nice guys make mistakes, but rarely does a truly nice guy have multiple girlfriends, if he knows both girls really like him.... that's true.. nice guys make mistakes like I did.. but I never once would've cheated on my ex ever.. I think she was insecure, because if I talked to a girl even if shes a friend in class or something it mad her mad. But I told her the same thing I am saying now. No matter how hot or wonderful a new girl might be. I wouldn't cheat on you, because I am committed to be with you and love you. And no other girl can change that ever. Funny thing is she was the insecure one, but in the end she left me for someone else I believe though I'm not fully sure. But sometimes I hate being a nice guy too. Ya we make mistakes and it sucks that some girls can't give us a chance. But I agree that seeing how a person treats others is a BIG thing to see. My ex was very aggressive with waiters and servers. I was the calm one and always polite, that's just how I am. I respect other people always, and I hope they will do the same back.
Helluva Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Honestly - you probably did the normal thing. Doesn't mean it's the right thing, but it's what most girls (including myself) would do. It wont change things between you if you contact him, and he probably wont feel remorseful still for how he's hurt you even if he apologizes for how he did you wrong, so you have to keep that in mind as you seek closure. I think it will help you let go quicker, but there will always be questions like "what did she offer him that I couldn't?" or "why didn't he just end things rather than hurt me?" Keep that in mind, but do what you feel you must to help yourself.
KatZee Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I confronted him about that but he said he won't do it again so I let it slide and told him to never do it again so we're okay. This was your mistake. I don't feel you understood the gravity of the situation when you found out he cheated the first time. Cheaters have something fundamentally wrong with them, there is something missing within them that they have the ability to betray and harm those they claim to "love." The fact that you were just like, "Just don't do it again!" and then you moved on in life without him having ANY sort of consequence... of course he was going to cheat again! You just rolled over like a dog, laid down like a rug and allowed him to walk on you. In regards to what you did... I'm really not quite sure why girls lash out at other girls when their men cheat. You have no idea who this person is, you have no idea if she even knew you existed. From my experience, my most recent ex was actually courting me, having an emotional affair on his girlfriend at the time!! I had no idea she was even in the picture. If I had known he was in a relationship I NEVER would have been involved with him! But cheaters are liars... and liars will do and say anything to get what they want/need from another person. You have no idea what he was telling this girl. He could have been telling her you were this huge b.itch or that you were his ex! The person to get angry with IS YOUR EX. Not this other girl. YOUR EX made the choice the cheat. It's not this girl's fault, it's your EXES fault. Blame him, not her. I see it all the time that girls just excuse their men and go after the woman... I will NEVER understand that.
Author soupergirl Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 This was your mistake. I don't feel you understood the gravity of the situation when you found out he cheated the first time. Cheaters have something fundamentally wrong with them, there is something missing within them that they have the ability to betray and harm those they claim to "love." The fact that you were just like, "Just don't do it again!" and then you moved on in life without him having ANY sort of consequence... of course he was going to cheat again! You just rolled over like a dog, laid down like a rug and allowed him to walk on you. In regards to what you did... I'm really not quite sure why girls lash out at other girls when their men cheat. You have no idea who this person is, you have no idea if she even knew you existed. From my experience, my most recent ex was actually courting me, having an emotional affair on his girlfriend at the time!! I had no idea she was even in the picture. If I had known he was in a relationship I NEVER would have been involved with him! But cheaters are liars... and liars will do and say anything to get what they want/need from another person. You have no idea what he was telling this girl. He could have been telling her you were this huge b.itch or that you were his ex! The person to get angry with IS YOUR EX. Not this other girl. YOUR EX made the choice the cheat. It's not this girl's fault, it's your EXES fault. Blame him, not her. I see it all the time that girls just excuse their men and go after the woman... I will NEVER understand that. Thank you for your answer. I know it was wrong that I let t slide the first time I caught him. I actually know the girls and I even met one of them. I wax just in shock and angry when I did those this. I know it's wrong but I can't change it anymore.
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