maestrok Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I thought I was a hot **** (I am a girl and I work out regularly, and am told good looking). Then for the past 2 years, I had no boyfriend because I happened to not like any of the guys hitting on me. And I did not want to lower my standard just to be with any guy. That also means, the last time I got laid was 2 years ago. I also don't do one night stands or casual hookups.. Well that being said, speaking honestly, I was so in need recently. Really badly in need. So for the first time in my life, I met up with a guy online. Apparently he only wanted to cuddle. So we did. Then I emailed him a few days later, if he would be interested in just hookups. And he said he's not. It really hurt my ego. And I'm getting into this self-hatred, questioning myself. Wow. how did I get so low... so as to even get rejected for a casual hookup. Am I really that unattractive now,, blah blah of self pity and self hatred what not. Is there anything I can do to feel differently about this whole situation? I mean is this even a normal thing that happens to people? Any comments would be appreciated greatly.....
somedude81 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Wait 10 minutes and this thread will be filled with men saying how'd they sleep with you. Look there's one now. Are you anywhere close to Cali, I'll take care of you. Post a pic. 1
kyle77 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I think you might focus too much on your vanity. Your state of mind also seems to be a little pessimistic. What are your good qualities that have nothing to do with your looks? Are you smart? What are your hobbies. While it is good to make yourself look better and workout. It is not the be all end all of life. Also, how do you know this guy rejected you? Reading what you wrote, I got the impression that the only reason the guy wouldnt be interested in casual hook-ups was because he wanted more. Perhaps the guy is also someone who doesnt do casual hook-ups and wants to get to know you better for a possible relationship?
Author maestrok Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 Wait 10 minutes and this thread will be filled with men saying how'd they sleep with you. Look there's one now. Are you anywhere close to Cali, I'll take care of you. Post a pic. Lol Well I don't think I want to give this random meeting another try. It just really crushed my ego. And I'm indulging in self-hatred right now, which I've never felt in my life. So I'm more or less asking for a way to recover from such horrible feeling. Sigh.
somedude81 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Lol Well I don't think I want to give this random meeting another try. It just really crushed my ego. And I'm indulging in self-hatred right now, which I've never felt in my life. So I'm more or less asking for a way to recover from such horrible feeling. Sigh. You really shouldn't feel bad that you weren't able to seduce a guy who just wanted a cuddle bear. Without knowing his circumstances there are just way too many variables. 1
Author maestrok Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 I think you might focus too much on your vanity. Your state of mind also seems to be a little pessimistic. What are your good qualities that have nothing to do with your looks? Are you smart? What are your hobbies. While it is good to make yourself look better and workout. It is not the be all end all of life. Also, how do you know this guy rejected you? Reading what you wrote, I got the impression that the only reason the guy wouldnt be interested in casual hook-ups was because he wanted more. Perhaps the guy is also someone who doesnt do casual hook-ups and wants to get to know you better for a possible relationship? You are absolutely right. I do realize that I am focusing too much on my vanity and what I don't have. Although I know I have a lot, I just can't help feeling I am lonely. I know this guy rejected you because I straight up asked if you would be interested in hooking up and he replied that although he is tempted, he doesn't think he can. We only met once and that was through online so he couldn't possibly want for more. He also doesn't want to get together it seems. I don't know man I'm really trying hard to recover but my ego is like crushed...
Author maestrok Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 You really shouldn't feel bad that you weren't able to seduce a guy who just wanted a cuddle bear. Without knowing his circumstances there are just way too many variables. Well, I mean before we meet, we talked a lot, and then after we meet, no initiation on his side. I emailed asking and he clearly declined. So I guess that is the end of the story. I mean then I just replied that I am disappointed. But the fact that he is no longer interested after we've actually met just tells me one conclusion. Damn it.
todreaminblue Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I thought I was a hot **** (I am a girl and I work out regularly, and am told good looking). Then for the past 2 years, I had no boyfriend because I happened to not like any of the guys hitting on me. And I did not want to lower my standard just to be with any guy. That also means, the last time I got laid was 2 years ago. I also don't do one night stands or casual hookups.. Well that being said, speaking honestly, I was so in need recently. Really badly in need. So for the first time in my life, I met up with a guy online. Apparently he only wanted to cuddle. So we did. Then I emailed him a few days later, if he would be interested in just hookups. And he said he's not. It really hurt my ego. And I'm getting into this self-hatred, questioning myself. Wow. how did I get so low... so as to even get rejected for a casual hookup. Am I really that unattractive now,, blah blah of self pity and self hatred what not. Is there anything I can do to feel differently about this whole situation? I mean is this even a normal thing that happens to people? Any comments would be appreciated greatly..... I wouldnt put it on yourself he is probably dating three or four others off the net, probably a player.....take some time out .....the i just want to cuddle thing is a bit strange to state actually for a guy, hedging bets, playing the field, impotent, scared, or he didnt like you , germophobe, possible hannibal lector who decided your liver would not taste so hot on the spur of the moment....did you check out his kitchen....any bone saws???, it doesnt matter, one man does not speak for the entire male race.....you will be fine .....and you saved yourself one possible bad casual hook up ...bonus for you...hugs...get back on that bike now....says me, scared crapless of dating bicycles..ill go on the treadmill.....smilin..deb
Author maestrok Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 I wouldnt put it on yourself he is probably dating three or four others off the net, probably a player.....take some time out .....the i just want to cuddle thing is a bit strange to state actually for a guy, hedging bets, playing the field, impotent, scared, or he didnt like you , germophobe, possible hannibal lector who decided your liver would not taste so hot on the spur of the moment....did you check out his kitchen....any bone saws???, it doesnt matter, one man does not speak for the entire male race.....you will be fine .....and you saved yourself one possible bad casual hook up ...bonus for you...hugs...get back on that bike now....says me, scared crapless of dating bicycles..ill go on the treadmill.....smilin..deb Thanks. That is awfully nice of you. Ironic that I get hurt by people in reality and get consoled by people online. Sad night.
dasein Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 IMO OLD is not where you want to be right now. Things can accelerate fast and go wrong there, and you seem kind of fragile atm from your OP. OLD is not the best place when you are feeling raw. The last thing you need to do is start random OLD hookups, that's just going to end up demoralizing you. So examine your social life, friends? parties? groups? charities? If you aren't meeting who you want where you are at, change some stuff up and try new things. Good luck.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I once offered a guy a casual hook up and he rejected me. It was especially weird because we met up twice before. Second time I spent the night at his place but rejected sex because I wasn't ready - we did other stuff though. I emailed him about hooking up casually and he just said 'nah, the vibe isn't right'. I obsessed over it for a bit. That was nearly 2 years ago. Funnily enough, I heard from him last week: "Hey, does that casual hook up offer still stand?" I was like "NO"
bobsmith76 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I thought I was a hot **** (I am a girl and I work out regularly, and am told good looking). Then for the past 2 years, I had no boyfriend because I happened to not like any of the guys hitting on me. And I did not want to lower my standard just to be with any guy. That also means, the last time I got laid was 2 years ago. I also don't do one night stands or casual hookups.. Well that being said, speaking honestly, I was so in need recently. Really badly in need. So for the first time in my life, I met up with a guy online. Apparently he only wanted to cuddle. So we did. Then I emailed him a few days later, if he would be interested in just hookups. And he said he's not. It really hurt my ego. And I'm getting into this self-hatred, questioning myself. Wow. how did I get so low... so as to even get rejected for a casual hookup. Am I really that unattractive now,, blah blah of self pity and self hatred what not. Is there anything I can do to feel differently about this whole situation? I mean is this even a normal thing that happens to people? Any comments would be appreciated greatly..... I've done that quite a few times to women - just wanted to cuddle, didn't want to have sex. this is because i don't believe in premarital sex. if you want your wife to be truly special then you need to reserve sex just for her. anyway, it's not you, it's him. don't let it bother you.
todreaminblue Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Thanks. That is awfully nice of you. Ironic that I get hurt by people in reality and get consoled by people online. Sad night. I am glad if I made you feel better.Casual hook ups are not for vulnerable people male or female....both sexes, as another poster said can be demoralized by people taking advantage of sensitivity and vulnerability.Make sure that you want to go the casual route....I wouldn't if you feel insecure, take some time for yourself and when you are secure and strong about yourself it will roll off you if you get disappointed by another's attitude towards you...online dating can pretty much suck......even for confident people...a lot of hit, miss and see ya later player...i wish you luck in finding the person who is right for you.....deb
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