diradara Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Hi there everyone! So I am new to this, and have never done anything like it! I just cant stop thinking about my girlfriend and what might happen. So I will tell you our story and then what happened. Maybe some of you could know what and why things are as they are. I am 23 years old, and have never had any girl problems in my life. I have 20-30 of girl friends whom I keep in touch with and so on. And I have a girlfriend which I now have had for a year or so. Our story starts about 3 years ago, I was 20, she was 16. She started to work at the same place as me, because of her big brother who is just as old as me. So I was nice to her, and we became friends. After a year or so, she was always seemed to by hitting on me at parties, texting and so on. But I could not do it, she was a little bit younger and her brother was my friend. Then last year around Christmas time I had just turned 22, and she had just turned 18. I saw her at a party, and woow she was pretty. I got a bit drunk and started hitting on her. At the end of the night, we fooled around. But I maybe for the first time in my life, fell in love with her. We started dating, and a month after maybe we were together. We met all of the time, we texted every day all the time when we didn't meet. Every second together was just magical. No fighting, only laughter and a lot of attraction. For the summer she practically moved in with me. Anyways this Saturday three weeks ago, it was her 19 birthday. The week before that, she went away with her family out of town. She texted me everyday, and even wrote that right now she had the best time in her life, and she loved me so much, she could never have dreamed of this happening, but now her dream had came true. When her birthday came, she said it was the best birthday ever because, she had me. her first love and so on. Everything seemed to be wonderful. Then Wednesday came, and we had our first BIG fight! We fought for about two hours. Our fight was about, one boy I had seen lately always talking to her, and I heard her friends telling me, that he was into her. So I told her that I trusted her very much, and never thought that she would cheat on me. But I did not like that another guy has started hitting on her, and talking so much with her. She said, that I never had to worry because and that he was just a nice guy, and they were at the same age so they talked a lot about their friends and so on. Even so, I told her, I did not like him hitting at her and asked her if she got draw a line so that he didn't do that anymore, because even though I trust her, I dont like him doing that. She got more and more angry, and said what I am saying now, just made it seem that I did not trust her. After the fight, we made up! And she told me there is nothing to worry about, and that we were just fine. Thursday came: everything was normal! Friday came: Things were better! Saturday came: She went out with her friends, and when I picked her up at night, she said she didn't get to have much fun because everyone got so drunk that she just had to watch over them. She called me to pick her up, then she stood their with the guy that had been hitting on her. But I didn't even mention it, because she had reassured me when we have had our fight. We went home together, and everything seemed to be great. Sunday came, she went on a family dinner and I didn't her from her the whole day, until I called her to say good night! This was the first time since we got together. Monday came, I met her at the gym, and she didn't want to kiss me because she said she had bad breath (the first time she said this as well) still no message from her until i called her at night Tuesday came, I didn't want to send anything before she did. So she did call me at night. Wednesday, we were supposed to go out and eat dinner, when I picked her up. She said i should come in. She walked into the bathroom and started crying and crying, and I asked her what was wrong. She said us, and she had been crying since sunday, because she thinks she has lost her feelings for me. I asked her is she wanted to break up with me, she didn't say anything, so I told her, If she doesn't have feelings for me, then I will break up with her, because I cannot be together with someone that doesn't feel the same. She didn't say anything, she just cried. So I gave her a hug and left. The next day she called me at night, and asked me to come by her house. I went and she jumped on me started to kiss me, and everything seemed to be okay. Then she said if we could take a break, because she didn't know what it was. I said if that is what she wants, of course I would give it to her. She said even though it was a break she would still love to talk to me and see me. I said that was fine, but if she needs her time, I didn't think that was the best idea. Anyways, We didn't talk for two days, then I went out the day after, so did she. And the first thing she did was send me a message if I could come to the place where she was, with her friends. I said of course, I went there we had a lot of fun, she sat on my lap kissing me and so on. She didn't want us to sleep together because we had a break. I said okay! Then a friend of hers called a car for them to be picked up, and guess who picked them up? The guy that had been hitting on her, I got mad and told her I could walk her home, she said she didn't want to walk, so she went in his car with him. A week passed, and it seems I am the only one working for this relationship, i tell her I love her and miss her! And she texts me a hearth back. Today was the first time I saw, her since that day, and she barely spoke to me, just said she needed the time off. She still never texts me. And I miss her, and have told her that I love her and just dont know what more to do! For me this break is destroying our relationship! I tell her every night that I love her and miss her! Some times she says she loves me, but never that she misses me. Lately it seems that I have fallen more in love and she has lost interest in us. And I am terrified of losing what we had a couple of weeks ago. What are your thoughts? What can I do?
dasein Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Girl is young, so some of her crappy behavior is due to that. In your shoes, I'd go on and consider the break a breakup. Don't call, text, anything. Just move on. She's very obviously lying to you about the extent of what is going on with that other guy. Since you say you are someone with options, start exploring those. No need for a breakup talk, her behavior doesn't warrant it. Break=breakup. Just move on. She knows where to find you. If and when she does, be cool, and when she starts in with the "where have you been?" talk, say "I've been around." No malice, no anger, just matter of fact. Give her three minutes on the phone and tell her you have to go because you have plans. Actually have plans of course. If she asks where you are going, the answer is always "Out." That's it, never any details, just "out." Now, for the future, have posted this several times here. When you are dating a girl. Look at her and look over her shoulder. Imagine 5 guys there, ex BFs, guys who hit on her, fake "friends" hanging around like snakes waiting for a chance, etc. You can't see them always, but rest assured they are there. If they happen to not be there, plan for them because they will be if she's an attractive young woman. You must take proactive steps to manage her and those other guys from the very start, because women certainly aren't capable of it. They will rationalize in ever more slippery ways, blameshift, whatever reality they have to concoct to preserve whatever is favorable to them, a situation where they have a loving BF at their beck and call, yet can flirt and sop up attention from other men. So it's up to you to stop this in its tracks. Do not allow your GF to go out with guys without you, especially not drinking. NEVER. Married people don't do that. People in committed relationships don't do that. People who love and respect their SO don't do that. SHE shouldn't do that. Don't worry about being called controlling, if she starts tantruming and pulling that, walk out the door. Tell her it isn't going to work. Rub her nose in her little attention games as a man in control of himself, not a sensitive understanding sap. Sounds counterintuitive, but they will run to you and come into line when you show backbone like this. If they don't, there's another around the corner. Don't allow your GF to dress up like a tart and go out with GFs you don't know very well. If it's a lifelong friend, you are going to have to give on this some until you get the hand. Once you have the hand, that stops too. Totally stops. Talking to strange guys you don't know and forming close friendships at work, with guys that hit on her??? No. She does that, you are gone. If she tells you a guy flirts with her and hits on her, there is only one thing you say, "Don't do that again, Don't talk to that guy again." When she whines and cries and rationalizes, "That's a you problem, not a me problem." Monitor your woman's social life. Don't buy into the BS that you are supposed to be an easygoing guy who doesn't care and trusts her and all that. They aren't trustworthy. The minute they are out of your sight, it's attention sopping and flirty meme time, and if anyone tells you otherwise, here or elsewhere, well I have a bridge to sell you. Good luck, write this one off, and if she comes back crying and begging, sweat her and then if you do make the bad decision to take her back, put the iron glove on.
Under The Radar Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Girl is young, so some of her crappy behavior is due to that. In your shoes, I'd go on and consider the break a breakup. Don't call, text, anything. Just move on. She's very obviously lying to you about the extent of what is going on with that other guy. Since you say you are someone with options, start exploring those. No need for a breakup talk, her behavior doesn't warrant it. Break=breakup. Just move on. She knows where to find you. If and when she does, be cool, and when she starts in with the "where have you been?" talk, say "I've been around." No malice, no anger, just matter of fact. Give her three minutes on the phone and tell her you have to go because you have plans. Actually have plans of course. If she asks where you are going, the answer is always "Out." That's it, never any details, just "out." Now, for the future, have posted this several times here. When you are dating a girl. Look at her and look over her shoulder. Imagine 5 guys there, ex BFs, guys who hit on her, fake "friends" hanging around like snakes waiting for a chance, etc. You can't see them always, but rest assured they are there. If they happen to not be there, plan for them because they will be if she's an attractive young woman. You must take proactive steps to manage her and those other guys from the very start, because women certainly aren't capable of it. They will rationalize in ever more slippery ways, blameshift, whatever reality they have to concoct to preserve whatever is favorable to them, a situation where they have a loving BF at their beck and call, yet can flirt and sop up attention from other men. So it's up to you to stop this in its tracks. Do not allow your GF to go out with guys without you, especially not drinking. NEVER. Married people don't do that. People in committed relationships don't do that. People who love and respect their SO don't do that. SHE shouldn't do that. Don't worry about being called controlling, if she starts tantruming and pulling that, walk out the door. Tell her it isn't going to work. Rub her nose in her little attention games as a man in control of himself, not a sensitive understanding sap. Sounds counterintuitive, but they will run to you and come into line when you show backbone like this. If they don't, there's another around the corner. Don't allow your GF to dress up like a tart and go out with GFs you don't know very well. If it's a lifelong friend, you are going to have to give on this some until you get the hand. Once you have the hand, that stops too. Totally stops. Talking to strange guys you don't know and forming close friendships at work, with guys that hit on her??? No. She does that, you are gone. If she tells you a guy flirts with her and hits on her, there is only one thing you say, "Don't do that again, Don't talk to that guy again." When she whines and cries and rationalizes, "That's a you problem, not a me problem." Monitor your woman's social life. Don't buy into the BS that you are supposed to be an easygoing guy who doesn't care and trusts her and all that. They aren't trustworthy. The minute they are out of your sight, it's attention sopping and flirty meme time, and if anyone tells you otherwise, here or elsewhere, well I have a bridge to sell you. Good luck, write this one off, and if she comes back crying and begging, sweat her and then if you do make the bad decision to take her back, put the iron glove on. Reading this was depressing. It can't honestly be this bad out there? Say it ain't so ...
todreaminblue Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I think she is really young and showing her immaturity and i feel not really wanting to settle down in any relationship, i think this would have happened with or without you in the picture, easily could have been some other guy. Because she was in a relationship with you , you do have that right to feel uncomfortable with her hanging out with a guy who chats her up, and if she truly loved you she would have understood that she had to terminate that particular friendship.....if she were single she could hang with whoever she wanted too, that is where her age comes into it, being young and just starting out she doesn't know what she really wants.but age isnt an excuse for bad behavior and being inconsiderate.....if you do decide to take her back have a heart to heart first say what you are comfortable with use the example of what if you were to do the same thing would she accept it....i actually dotn think she si ready, and you shouldn't consider this break as a break it could more likely be permanent in all reality....i wish you luck in love.....deb
dasein Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Reading this was depressing. It can't honestly be this bad out there? Say it ain't so ... That advice is tailored specifically to OP's post and their age. He needs some pointed advice about women and dating. Do I really believe men should control women with an "iron fist" generally? No. Do I believe OP needs a wakeup call about being a perceptive, eyes open, assertive BF in this situation and in the future? Yes.
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