Forbidden fruit? Yes, no, maybe so.

[Kuzya]

I would appreciate feedback on my situation. I'll give as many details as possible.

 

I am deeply attractedto my university professor and I haven't been able to shake this"crush" since the beginning of the session. Class ends in December and he is teaching another higher level course next session, which I'm still debating on taking or not.

 

Details: I'm a 23years old he's between 35-42 (max). Honestly I think he's 37-38 years old. I prefer more mature men so evenif he was 42 if wouldn't matter to me. I'm taking this first year class as aback-to-basics course to better my academic potential after a few years in the workforce. He is aware that I'm not a"1st year student" in History. I always sit in front (160-200 student auditorium) and engage in conversation with fellow students - which often he seems to listen into while he preps for the lecture.

 

How did this attraction come to be? At first I wasintimidated by this man that seemed so stern. 2 weeks into the course and Irealized he was quite easy going and that was just a facade to discourage slackers from sticking around. I'm am really interested in his class and had no intention on slacking, this is no bird course.

 

Then it hit me, I was never "intimidated" so to speak, I just had a crush on this incredibly well spoken, intelligent, and handsome man. So 3 weeks in and I'm smitten byhim. My attraction was further fueled by constantly running into him offcampus. We live close by and we always say hello to each other when we crosspath.

 

I had a few questions before the midterm. I was scared of makinga fool of myself by saying something stupid but I had to challenge my fear. Iprepared a series of question, which he answered in detail. He does have areputation for going above and beyond to help students. I kept eye contact andprobably smiled more than I should of. We went off topic several times, especially when our opinions converged. He was warm to me and we talked for a solid 30minutes. Flushed red, I noticed that I had taken 50% of his office hours so Isaid I'd get going in case others were waiting. He acknowledge the fact that others needed to meet with him, and watched attentively as I put on my coat.

 

The following week, he indirectly announced to the class that he had a girlfriend. I'm not going to lie, it pinched my heart a bit.

 

I had also sent an email requesting further reading material, he recognized this "initiative as impressive". The day before the exam I asked a quick question again during his office hours, I had the reading he suggested with me. This time heseemed more tepid about course related matters but more than willing to discussthe university's plan to hold a mass gathering outside the course hall duringour midterm. He jokingly advised me to bring ear plugs.

 

So I did well on the midterm. 88%, not too shabby. I wanted baddly to impress him with an A+.

 

Last event worth mentioning. I attended a 2 day colloquium on a matter of historical interest. He was scheduled to speak at the same time asour class on the first day, so the TA ended up lecturing in his place. After class I attended the discussions with a journalism student reporting on the matter. My professor was nowhere in sight for the entire afternoon. I was relieved and also pleased withmyself that I attended without his presence proving that I wasn't just there toimpress him. At my disarray, he came during the cocktail hour. During the last presentation before the serving of supper, he sat in the row in front ofme with 2 graduate students turning to me saying [using fictional name here] "Mary,right?" I corrected him "Actually it's Mary-Jane, yay for composed names" he smirked and replied "those are the best" (his name iscomposed as well, yeah I know he's cocky).

 

Day 2, we both attended all day. We often caught each other exchanging glances. During the lunch hour I took the time to work the room. I ended upspeaking with the 2 graduate students and he snuck in to see what we were upto. I quickly excused myself to get my glass of water (and get away from him asap). After I was seated he came and sat next to me to interrogate me on theTA's lecture the day before. Uncomfortable sitting next to my sexy professor for over an hour, we ended up joking about one presenter's fail (knocking overhis cup of water - which he added was something he would do, I said "for sure" and he elbowed me on my side, exchanged further laughs, and discussed where we were from. He finally switched seats to the round table for the final session. At the end of the night, we joked a bit outside, when he stopped to cross I figured he had to go to his office, I tried not to look to disappointed that he was not walking with me. He said he had to get a few things from his office and quickly added "see you next week".

 

Ok so this short story just to try to get input from this online community. I just don't know what to do. I feel it's wrong to tell him how I feel. Rejection hurts, but my dilemma comes from the fact that he's a prof, can I even discuss this with him? Plus he has a girlfriend (which I don't think he lives with).

[alexandria35]

I'd say he's fully aware that you have a crush on him and I'd also say that he's playing into it a little bit because it's ego boosting to him but that doesn't necessarily mean he wants to take it any further. Just like doctors and therapists and certain other professions, females getting crushes on them just goes with the territory. Your professor has had other young female students crush on him before you and he will have more after you. Your not the first one to make flirty eyes with him and look for excuses to be in his presence. By his reaction I think it humors him and strokes his ego but if he wanted it to be more he would let you know. Don't tell him how you feel, he already knows. Don't embarrass yourself.

[Henni]

It's perfectly normal to be friendly in academia, don't think he's leading you on in the slightest. It's not a very hierarchical community, at least not in the US. Sounds like he might suspect you or someone else in the class has a crush, hence announcing he has a girlfriend before anyone embarrassed themselves. If he reciprocated, he would have remembered your name, at least. Since you did very well on your test, it's more likely he's got you in the back of his mind as a possible graduate student. Students crush on profs all the time, it goes with the territory. There are a few sleezy ones that go there, just for fun, for the ego boost and if they think they can get away with it, they are usually known in the community, but you shouldn't take this any further, it would damage your career and possibly your prospects of grad school. Very messy...don't embarrass yourself. Take it for what it is, a crush, and let it pass, would be my advise.