NoMoreJerks Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 There's a guy at my school (which is my workplace as well), who keeps checking me out. He is a young professor who is finishing up his PhD degree (I am a PhD student and a Teaching Assistant). I have never talked to him, or had the opportunity to talk to him, but EVERY time he 's around (I see him in the hallways), I catch him checking me out, and he looks at me like he wants to stop and talk to me, but I never know what to do, so I just walk by... I am very interested in him and attracted to him, but I don't really know what to do... I can't simply walk up to him and say, hi, what do you do research on?? I was wondering how I should go about this, so that he can at least have the opportunity to break the ice? I mean, is it that I am not showing interest/I don't seem approachable? I guess I should smile and say hi, and see where it goes? I'm quite awkward when it comes to introductions, but am usually quite good at maintaining conversation once the ice is broken. Men: when you check a woman out , whom you see constantly at your workplace but with whom you have had no interactions, do you not approach her because she doesn't seem approachable, or you would approach her regardless of whether or not she seems approachable?? Or maybe it's that you're checking her out without any intentions to approach her? Women: how do you / have you deal(t) with situations like this?
scratch Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I can't simply walk up to him and say, hi, what do you do research on? Why can't you? Don't get me wrong, I agree with you. I am a firm believer that women should never approach men, and until the 4th or 5th date they should not call men or ask them out. However, I realize most people think that's an antiquated notion. Seems like it goes hand in hand with your inability to "simply walk up to him," though, unless the reason for your inability has less to do with decorum and more to do with your fear of rejection, lack of confidence or social skills. Which is it? Part two of my perspective is that if he doesn't approach, it's because he's either not interested enough or not confident enough, so you may as well look for greener pastures, anyway. 2
derspiegle Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 (edited) There's a guy at my school (which is my workplace as well), who keeps checking me out. He is a young professor who is finishing up his PhD degree (I am a PhD student and a Teaching Assistant). I have never talked to him, or had the opportunity to talk to him, but EVERY time he 's around (I see him in the hallways), I catch him checking me out, and he looks at me like he wants to stop and talk to me, but I never know what to do, so I just walk by... I am very interested in him and attracted to him, but I don't really know what to do... I can't simply walk up to him and say, hi, what do you do research on?? I was wondering how I should go about this, so that he can at least have the opportunity to break the ice? I mean, is it that I am not showing interest/I don't seem approachable? I guess I should smile and say hi, and see where it goes? I'm quite awkward when it comes to introductions, but am usually quite good at maintaining conversation once the ice is broken. Men: when you check a woman out , whom you see constantly at your workplace but with whom you have had no interactions, do you not approach her because she doesn't seem approachable, or you would approach her regardless of whether or not she seems approachable?? Or maybe it's that you're checking her out without any intentions to approach her? Women: how do you / have you deal(t) with situations like this? Your Approach Next time he's looking wave him over with your hand & a smile. Phd says: "I know how to talk, about things worth talking about." You'll be good, best wishes. Man(I) Approaching Am not experienced in blind confidence, was reserved until knowing the wrong. Privacy is nice for introductions and the number of people around would stop me from asking her. Was buying toothpaste to get to a checkout cashier whom I kept crossing paths with but at the last second switched to some old lady because of the group of kids that lined up behind me. Haven't seen her since. Vera, where did you go? You were so pretty! Edited November 21, 2012 by derspiegle
jcrew11 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 You're one of the most socially awkward people in the world. It seems like you just have very little social confidence. I think a makeover will help your self-confidence. Try going to Macy's and getting help from the Makeup girls to suggest ways to look more attractive. That will definitely help men become more friendly to you, and come up to introduce themselves. As far as ice-breakers: If you are near the snack room, or water cooler, ask about help getting a cup of water. If you see him in the hall, maybe drop something or accidentally bump into him. But I think the "Hi, How's it going? Are you new here? Do you work here? What do you do?" is a pretty simple thing to say. It also helps to have a friendly demeanor. Look up when walking, make eye contact, smile often.
Author NoMoreJerks Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 You're one of the most socially awkward people in the world. It seems like you just have very little social confidence. I think a makeover will help your self-confidence. Try going to Macy's and getting help from the Makeup girls to suggest ways to look more attractive. That will definitely help men become more friendly to you, and come up to introduce themselves. Haha - I look just fine, thanks... I wear quite attractive stuff , and I put make-up on, etc. I am quite confident about my looks. Overly confident, even. How you got from me asking about ice-breakers to me needing help in the dressing and make-up department, is beyond me.....
Author NoMoreJerks Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 Why can't you? Don't get me wrong, I agree with you. I am a firm believer that women should never approach men, and until the 4th or 5th date they should not call men or ask them out. However, I realize most people think that's an antiquated notion. Seems like it goes hand in hand with your inability to "simply walk up to him," though, unless the reason for your inability has less to do with decorum and more to do with your fear of rejection, lack of confidence or social skills. Which is it? Part two of my perspective is that if he doesn't approach, it's because he's either not interested enough or not confident enough, so you may as well look for greener pastures, anyway. Because it looks forced and fake. I hate doing stuff like pretending I don't know who he is,or dropping stuff while passing by him, etc. I do know who he is, but that is only because I was a bit "stalkerish" and asked my friend about him and looked him up online after my friend told me his name... Clearly, I don't want to give away the fact that I looked him up, though.. even the fact that he is a professor would not really be known by students, because he is not an established professor -- just a young newcomer who is teaching part-time. True that about him not being interested or not confident enough, but I am just wondering if I am doing something wrong that is stopping him from approaching me despite his confidence/interest.
Author NoMoreJerks Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 Your Approach Next time he's looking wave him over with your hand & a smile. Phd says: "I know how to talk, about things worth talking about." You'll be good, best wishes. Man(I) Approaching Am not experienced in blind confidence, was reserved until knowing the wrong. Privacy is nice for introductions and the number of people around would stop me from asking her. Was buying toothpaste to get to a checkout cashier whom I kept crossing paths with but at the last second switched to some old lady because of the group of kids that lined up behind me. Haven't seen her since. Vera, where did you go? You were so pretty! Ah, ok -- good point; I do get the sense that maybe he is not getting the chance to have that sort of privacy ; we always see each other in the hallway,at the entrance to the department, which means that there's always people around.. including professors. Maybe he doesn't want to be judged for approaching a woman at the workplace, or something like that? I can understand that, especially that he is a newcomer and everyone is probably judgmental and out to portray him in bad light. Also, rumors fly around so fast in my department, and nothing remains a secret for too long..
bobsmith76 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I have never talked to him, or had the opportunity to talk to him, but EVERY time he 's around (I see him in the hallways), I catch him checking me out, and he looks at me like he wants to stop and talk to me, but I never know what to do, so I just walk by... I am very interested in him and attracted to him, but I don't really know what to do... I can't simply walk up to him and say, hi, what do you do research on?? This is exactly what you should do. You everything to gain and nothing to lose. Men: when you check a woman out , whom you see constantly at your workplace but with whom you have had no interactions, do you not approach her because she doesn't seem approachable, or you would approach her regardless of whether or not she seems approachable?? Or maybe it's that you're checking her out without any intentions to approach her? Some have trouble approaching women because they are afraid of the rejection. He could be one, or he could have a girlfriend. You can try to find his FB profile and check his status, you could check his finger for a ring, but the best thing to do is approach him, talk him, then ask if he is a single once the small talk starts dying down. Even if he is single and he's not interested in you now, he could very easily change his mind in the future.
RogerWallace111 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 apparently he's just not the particularly bold/confident type who's gonna strike up a conversation. realistically i think most guys are of that ilk. i see fine girls regularly, have thoughts like "i wonder what she's like?", or "she seems like the type of girl i'd want to date", but that's not enough to make me approach her in a non-social, daytime situation. at a party/bar/club, definitely. next time you guys catch eachother's eye, say "hi", with a nice smile. he'll say hi back, and proceed with the smalltalk. about his research, how youve seen him around, anything... show him youre down
mysteryscape Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 If he's teaching, and you're still only a student and teaching assistant, he may feel very awkward about socializing with you, even more than if you were just coworkers on an equal level. I would try to figure out a way to let him know you're interested that would take the pressure off him -- this might mean making a first move of some sort. Asking him about his research sounds like a good idea to me.
Lexii94 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 What are you scared of? Just do it -___- Say hi! It's not going to kill you to say hello.
jcrew11 Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 How about just talking to any co-worker who is not male or ugly and not-attractive. You would probably say hi and introduce yourself to other female and male employees. Also, some coworkers get happy hour drinks and do things that are social. You can invite him to a group happy hour or something. But he probably has a girlfriend or doesn't want to date a co-worker. He's likely not as interested as you think he is. Most men know how to introduce themselves to co-workers as professional curtosy and not because they want to flirt with others.
Gold Pile Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 I've been known to hang at campus and pretend to be a Prof. while I scope out the ladies. If it was me checking you out, don't get too worked up about it. Just about any woman who has a temperature is gonna get a look from me.
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