Lorelai Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 Okay, guys in their 20s -- I'm not really expecting a lot of positive responses. I'm in my 30s, and I honestly wouldn't date a guy in their 20s anyway, not only because most of them are still seeking bodily perfection. I prefer older men anyway (though my age cutoff is 45 right now -- 13 year age difference I think is about the most I could handle). Many people on here have expressed a preference for people who aren't overweight. Some have expressed that they feel there are character issues associated with being overweight, others just aren't attracted to that body style. I'm aware that everyone's preferred type is different, and I'm not trying to contribute to "size wars". But in my case, I'm 5'2 and weighed 106 at my physical last month. That's actually almost underweight for my height. I used to be obese. I worked hard, got to about 115 and maintained there. I got pneumonia this summer and am trying to get back up to the 115 I was at -- my face looks better with about 10 lbs more on me IMHO, and it was what I was able to maintain for a year (and would take me to a 21 BMI from a 19.4 currently -- it's slow going because I'm trying to put on muscle, not fat.) But basically, I have a body that looks like it's borne children when it hasn't. *I* don't like it, but the guy I'm seeing doesn't seem to be unhappy. Admittedly, we're both in our 30s. He's smart, not rich but working and completing his college education at the same time -- in other words, showing dedication and the ability to work hard, something that I respect far more than money (and what most people who are drawn to financial security are *really* looking for in a mate IMHO). I am not about to call myself a 10, but I'm a natural redhead, have good enough skin not to have to wear makeup, even features and a decent smile. So I don't think I fall into the "dog ugly" category for my age either. And in clothes, I wear a size 2. Without shapewear, though I sometimes utilize it when going out if I'm wearing something especially clingy. ------ Would you flip out if you met someone, say in the winter (though I met my gentleman in the fall of the year, I wore short sleeves a few times long before we ever got to the bedroom so he had an idea that I hadn't always been this weight, and never wore shapewear either in my OLD profile picture or on our dates prior to getting in bed), who looked hot in clothes, and on the night you guys actually made out for the first time, you realized that she didn't have a perfect body -- that they'd been overweight in the past and were saggy in some places? In my case, because I'm vain I want to save enough money so that after I have any kids I can get a tummy tuck and maybe a boob lift. But there's no point until after I have kids. (I am fortunate that I scar almost white, and my skin's about that color -- if I go to a good surgeon, I'll have minimal scarring, and I'd enjoy being comfortable enough to wear a bikini after I'm a mom.) And for those who have expressed in discussions in the past that obesity indicates a character flaw, does having overcome obesity change that thought for you? (I did it the "old fashioned way" -- diet and exercise. It took awhile because I did it slowly and healthfully, and tried to make changes to my lifestyle gradually that I could maintain rather than set goals I would be disappointed if I didn't meet at a certain time.)
dasein Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 Congratulations on meeting your health goals. Size 2 redhead with a bit of loose skin from past weight? No prob at all here. Sometimes I think women see their flaws in minute ways that men don't see as readily. We generally tend to be more about the overall shape than a little cellulite, minor wrinkling or stretchmarks. Good luck with your guy. 2
hinatticus Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 I commend you for your hard work!! I'm also I'm my 30's so I know how the body changes with age and children. My ex and I have a child and she has massive amounts of pregnancy scars. I don't mind one bit, but that's probably because of the fact I caused them;) if I was with a girl who looked hot in clothing then not so hot without, it probably wouldn't bother me if I found her personality hot as well. Some guys are realistic and some not so much and some don't care about realism they just want the hot bod.
colombiana28 Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 I went from 195 to 125 at 5'5. I'm an apple shape with thin legs, narrow hips and a bit of a flabby midsection and (faded) stretch marks on my stomach. Basically, exactly - I look like I've been pregnant. Even my boobs are somewhat saggy for 27 and there are stretchmarks on those too. I can't even dream of having a tiny waist, it's just not my body shape. In my experience, guys don't give two sh/ts about it. I used to be insecure and worry because my body will never look tight and perky, but once I stopped caring what guys think, my confidence grew and now I'm very comfortable in my skin, and it shows in the bedroom and in the quality of my sex life.
somedude81 Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 Being able to overcome obesity is very awesome. I don't know what shapeware is.
lovebug1234 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 DUMP HIM, seriously. DUMP HIM. I dont' have the perfect body and it's NEVER been an issue with the men I date. DUMB him FAST or else it's YOUR SELF ESTEEM THAT'LL GO DOWN THE DRAIN.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 You better not ask me because all guys I seem to date are obsessed with even minor body/face flaws and will criticize me over it.
gaius Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Most people don't think obesity is a character flaw even if they say they do. It's just a fake excuse because they don't want to admit to themselves they're that shallow. Lose the weight and suddenly they'll be interested. To answer your first question I'll just quote Ditzchic from another thread. I think she got it right. Coming from someone who's lost 130 lbs and has some sag still and used to have stretch marks (try body brushing, they went completely away after 6 months!), I can honestly say stretch marks and a bit of sag is not a deal breaker for most guys. I've dated some really good looking guys and I've never had a complaint. And they always came back for seconds. In fact, I dated a professional cyclist who was actually extremely turned on by what I consider my wreck of a body. He thought what I had done was great and called them my "battle scars". Most guys aren't that shallow if they like a girl. They are more worried about what we are thinking about their penis.
mesmerized Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 You better not ask me because all guys I seem to date are obsessed with even minor body/face flaws and will criticize me over it. Who the hell are you dating? That is messed up. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Who the hell are you dating? That is messed up. I think all men are like that? I have kind of accepted it as normal.
somedude81 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I think all men are like that? I have kind of accepted it as normal. Nope, just the ones you've dated. The ones you are attracted to.
mesmerized Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I think all men are like that? I have kind of accepted it as normal. Not at allll. None of the guys I dated ever said anything negative about my body. Any guy with half a brain knows that's a recipe for disaster. You know what I was told instead? "I love everything about your body even your imperfections because they make you "you"". Like I honestly cant remember anything bad from any guy I went on more than one date with, only compliments.
yongyong Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I don't care about her past looks. but I will care about her current saggy body parts. If a guy has the similar body parts and tell you it's nasty then he is an idiot. But if a guy never had such thing in his body and finds it disgusting, how can you blame him? If you look so good in clothes but has saggy body parts somewhere, obviously he will be surprised. (especially if you are a thin person, not those obese girls showing muffins over their clothes) what can you do? let him make a decision.
phineas Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 (edited) I think all men are like that? I have kind of accepted it as normal. I know women who are attracted to the type's of guys that do in fact criticize their looks in some way or make them feel less than perfect & they just ignore it & try to validate themselves with lots & lots of sex. Until the guy blows them off for another chick. Then they just add him to the list of ex's who treated her badly. sound familiar? Oh and for the OP, I dropped 100lbs. I look ok as long as i'm standing straight. LOL! But if I were to sit down my ass kinda flattens out & if i'm on top the skin on my belly hangs down a little. But i've yet to meet a woman that gave any indication of giving a crap. But then, i'm 40 so at that age i still look better than most guys in our age group. If I were you I would get on a weight lifting program & just stay as lean as possible so your skin has a chance to tighten up. Mine has over the last yr surprisingly well but still has a ways to go. Edited November 21, 2012 by phineas
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