HelmholtzW Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 Here's my story: HelmholtzW(me) meets pretty girl who says she's in the "process of getting divorced" from her "abusive husband". Helmholtz plays Knight in Shining Armor to pretty girl and her two adorable toddler sons. Pretty girl goes on and on about how great Helmoltz is and makes him out to be the greatest person ever. Since Helmholtz likes to hear those things, he chooses to believe that it's true. Helmholtz & pretty girl start dating and pretty girl gets pregnant right away. Helmholtz doesn't think it's a good idea to go through with pregnancy because we just met but pretty girl will not have it any other way. Pretty girl decides to quit her job and go be with her family, some 500 miles away, for the duration of her pregnancy because given how fast everything happened, Helmholtz does not have the financial resources to find a place for him, her and her two boys. 10 months later, Helmholtz is in much better financial shape than he was before and is able to get an apartment for himself, pretty girl, her two boys, and his newborn twin girls. After moving in together, pretty girl goes crazy. She becomes an aggressive, physically abusive control freak and had Helmholtz falsely arrested on Domestic Violence charges on more than one ocassion. As if that was not enough, she also had an affair with one of her friends' husband in our home when i couldn't live there because of the restraining orders that are automatically issued when you are accused of domestic violence. Believe it or not, after all that, Helmholtz took pretty girl back. He wanted to work on his family and raising his daughters and she was saying the same things. Helmholtz and pretty girl were happy for about 2 months before helmholtz walked in on pretty girl with one of his friends and found out she had been sleeping with a few others. Pretty girl is now a single, 26 year old mother of four that is about to get evicted from her apartment in a town where she doesn't have any help (asides from the guys she sleeps with). Now, She is constantly telling me how sorry she is for everything and that she wants to work things out again. Sorry but been there, done that. Helmholtz is just waiting for the criminal court matters stemming from the false Domestic Violence reports to be dismissed before he files for custody and Helmholtz thinks he's gotta darn good chance of getting it. Pretty girl is not so pretty any more.
NotCamelot Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 What kind of response or answers or advice are you looking for????
Author HelmholtzW Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 Sorry, hit submit too early. The lovely X is currently trying to make me feel guilty about not spending enough time with the kids and she's constalty asking for money. I volutarily give her about $1,000 per month for my daughters and i could only see them "supervised" for 4-6 hours one day each weekend. She's given me the opportunity to see them unsupservised, with her, but i'm reluctant to do so given the fact that any argument between the two of us immediatley turns into "im going to call the police and tell them you hit me". Should i consider her proposal to spend more time with the kids, with her? I'm new her and just for support because i am deafly afraid that she will end up suckering me into taking her back.
veryhappy Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 Does she have any mental issues that have been diagnosed? Does she know why she's sleeping around? There must be something. No relatively healthy woman does it with every male in sight. Women are highly selective
Author HelmholtzW Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 She has not been diagnosed with anything but from my research i believe she fits to a tee the description of a "highly-functional" individual with borderline personality disorder. I forgave her for the affair she had with her friends' husband because i wanted to believe her excuse, that she just did it because she was vulnerable because i wasnt at the house anymore (thanks to her false police reports i should add). As far as sleeping around with my friends, she has no excuse what so ever other than " i know it was my fault; i was just being stupid".
Mr. Lucky Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 You'd be ill advised, given the history, to do anything unsupervised concerning her. You obviously want time with the kids but the longterm downside is substantial. Best to let the legal process play out... Mr. Lucky 1
alexandria35 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Pretty girl has issues up the wazoo and is probably personality disordered. HelmholtzW would be a very silly and foolish man to believe that pretty girl could ever change without spending some considerable time in intensive therapy. Has HelmholtzW ever had a paternity test done on the children that are supposedly his? If HelmholtzW likes spending time in jail on domestic charges then he should continue to listen to lies from pretty girl.
BetrayedH Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Attempting to reconcile with a truly remorseful spouse after one incident of cheating is one thing; this is quite another. No offense but you would be stupid to get lured back in with her. Have a paternity test done on your newborns and, as another poster mentioned, let the legal process play out. If you want custody of your daughters, it's typically wise to have custody of them as often as humanly possible during the separation. That said, do whatever your attorney advises.
todreaminblue Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I think you should do what your attorney tells you to do like another poster suggested I dont feel you should throw around a mental illness or disorder to explain away bad behaviour and deceit..... people make choices mentally ill or not.....I made some really bad choices on medication for a mental illness because i really didnt care about myself and that was under treatment i was drinking on the meds too...i accept responsibility for my actions it was my stuff up...... borderline personality disorder.....you mean the lies....she could be bi polar too that has promiscuity regrets lies deceit manipulation.....or your ex could be just a woman behaving badly....which is what i did even though i have a mental illness and diagnosed..i was a woman who behaved badly... dont go back....listen to your attorney dont try and explain away bad behavior and let her accept the consequences for her bad behavior mentally ill or not..... everybody has to pay for what they do to others.......you arent doing your ex any favors by thinking about taking her back.....nor would you be doing any favors for the children involved they need stability yoru relationship with your ex is highly volatile and unstable .......think of the kids , go for custody when you can to give those children a chance for their mother to get her act together and think of them..and if she doesnt at least the kids wont see the line up outside her bedroom door because they have you thinking logically rationally and like a parent...deb
meandmyself Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Has HelmholtzW ever had a paternity test done on the children that are supposedly his? If HelmholtzW likes spending time in jail on domestic charges then he should continue to listen to lies from pretty girl. So very good question... have you done the dna test? Please tell me you did it...!
meandmyself Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Sorry, hit submit too early. The lovely X is currently trying to make me feel guilty about not spending enough time with the kids and she's constalty asking for money. I volutarily give her about $1,000 per month for my daughters and i could only see them "supervised" for 4-6 hours one day each weekend. She's given me the opportunity to see them unsupservised, with her, but i'm reluctant to do so given the fact that any argument between the two of us immediatley turns into "im going to call the police and tell them you hit me". Should i consider her proposal to spend more time with the kids, with her? I'm new her and just for support because i am deafly afraid that she will end up suckering me into taking her back. You already said that you have been there and done that... the answer is simple you are better off to have "supervised" visits that unsupervised but with your wife around... she has already messed up your life enough... And again I would like to stress that you NEED to do a DNA test on your daughters... it would not be funny if you are going trough all this for some other guy kids...
road Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 WW has been the town bicycle before she met you and kept on being the town bicycle since she has known you. Forget fighting for custody. Get a DNA paternity test done all four kids. Not only to eliminate you as the dad but to see if the OC's have any OM in common as the bio dad.
Author HelmholtzW Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 Thanks to all who have responsded and offered words of advice and ecnouragement. I have taken two Paternity tests (one at home and one in court) that confirmed that the twins are mine. I dont regret having kids, i've always wanted to be a dad; but i do regret having them with this person. She has wreaked havoc on so many lives for far too long. I have been seeing a therapist on a bi-weekly basis and i found that it helps greatly. It's always good to have someone to talk to about these things, even if it is just the therapist.
Magica Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Helmholtz needs to wrap his whopper. For more useful advice, listen to your therapist and lawyer. I commend you for wanting to do right by your twin girls with their crazy mother - you're going to need to be careful to keep her crazy from ruining the rest of your life.
2sunny Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 Hemholtz seems to show ego and separate himself by the ways he posts in third person singular. Hemholtz is a very broken, gullible man to allow any woman to manipulate so much. Hem needs to work on his lack of self esteem and control.
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