hurt and betrayed Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 hi, I'm new to this, so forgive me if I write too much or jump around in my story as my mind has been scattered lately. My husband of 13 yrs (just "celebrated" 13 yrs last month), tells me just 2 1/2 wks ago that he's in love with his co worker. He says his feelings changed towards her in Aug when he got fired from a job and she was there for him. (cause he didn't want to come home to us - says it was too hard to face me as he got fired)??? He got another high demanding job just 3 wks later and of course it's still a distance from home (1 1/2 hrs from home). He says he won't know if it will work until he "trys" with her. He's worked with her for years at his previous job. He was staying with a guy friend for the last 3 yrs to save time and expenses as his job is far from home. He would come home when it was convenient for him. He's also a workaholic - he literally works 11-14 hrs days 7 days/wk. He just told our 12 y/o daughter a few days ago that we are splitting up, but didn't tell her why (and she's asking me questions about why). So of course I'm going thru so many emotions of blame, hurt, anger, hate, low self esteem, etc. He refuses to work on our marriage, says he's in love with her, but he says he still loves me too?? Because he's been "away" for 3 yrs he feels as though he's made a new life for himself of where he's been staying and doesn't want to work on us. Who does this, who gives up their family to be with a co worker and throw away 14 yrs of being together. Was I that bad of a wife, why did his job always come first? Did we not mean anything to him? I feel like I never mattered to him and his 12 yr old daughter never sees him. She never really saw him before cause he never put us first, it was always his work. What bothers me the most is that he didn't even try to work on our marriage and he's clearly moved on with someone new. My mind won't stop going to what are they doing, is he treating her like he did me when we were together, etc. My daughter has already met this other person. I've asked him when he is filing for a divorce and his reply was "why rush things"?? So, because I know he's with another woman and he supposedly had no physical contact with her before he told me what was going on, is this still adultery, infidelity, an affair??? Thank you for letting me vent. I just wish the pain of all of this would go away. But hey, at least I've dropped 15 lbs. LOL!
mid-divorce Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 I'm sorry to hear . I still can't get over why dont they try to fix the marraige - but thge simple truth is they dont want. It kills me to know they throw a marriage away and how it effects the kids. I'm coming up to 5months and i still dont beleive it. Feel free message me if you need to rant - ive found simply posting on here how ever stupid it seems at the time helps me a lot. I cant give much advice, but one thing i would say is if many ppl on here are telling you something please take their advice. I kept asking for advice then going against it think i knew better, turns out i didnt at all - i just wish i would have listern to the from day one - its hard when your heart tell u otherwise 1
Cburch Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 Just to let you know, you are not alone. My situation is a little different. But not much. We've been married 21 years. Split up 10 years ago, 6 months apart, H begged to come back. 2010 H gets hurt at work and withdrawals into himself, low self esteem, depressed over what he can't do because of physical limitations or money, I'm supporting family. It's just rough. Oct 3 he announces he can't be with me anymore, will always love me, just needs space, things will be easier without him there, etc. Oct 12, DD gets picture of H with OW. After confronting H, he never says he loves OW, but he's going to date her. Then I find out they have been "talking, texting" since mid-August. I was enraged. He didn't appologize, said he knew I would find out. So, I'm asking, how can you give up 21 years of marriage? How can you break promises and vows? How can you just stop loving someone who was nothing but nice and great to you. I was never abusive, mean, I trusted him completely, I cared for him, etc. I was by no means perfect and obiviously we had our problems, but what I'm trying to say was I wasn't controlling, actually the opposite, he had a LOT of freedom to be himself and do what he wanted to do. I don't do drugs and went from one good job to another great job, so I'm not lazy. I even changed some of my hobbies to his hobbies, just so I could be with him and do things with him he enjoyed. I completely get what you are saying. I wish my H could give me the answers I'm needing, but he can't. I want to know what I did that was so bad to make him stop loving me? How did I fail him. But I've stopped asking him questions, because he doesn't have answers. And anytime I think about him with OW, I have to mentally make myself think about something else. I just can not go there... it's too painful. You know the worse thing ... I totally miss the butthole. I miss our friendship. He's been my best friend for 22 years and I miss it! I'm sure it eventually gets better and the pain lessens, I just want it to go away NOW ... I'm not very patient!
aMguilts Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 hi, I'm new to this, so forgive me if I write too much or jump around in my story as my mind has been scattered lately. My husband of 13 yrs (just "celebrated" 13 yrs last month), tells me just 2 1/2 wks ago that he's in love with his co worker. He says his feelings changed towards her in Aug when he got fired from a job and she was there for him. (cause he didn't want to come home to us - says it was too hard to face me as he got fired)??? He got another high demanding job just 3 wks later and of course it's still a distance from home (1 1/2 hrs from home). He says he won't know if it will work until he "trys" with her. He's worked with her for years at his previous job. He was staying with a guy friend for the last 3 yrs to save time and expenses as his job is far from home. He would come home when it was convenient for him. He's also a workaholic - he literally works 11-14 hrs days 7 days/wk. He just told our 12 y/o daughter a few days ago that we are splitting up, but didn't tell her why (and she's asking me questions about why). So of course I'm going thru so many emotions of blame, hurt, anger, hate, low self esteem, etc. He refuses to work on our marriage, says he's in love with her, but he says he still loves me too?? Because he's been "away" for 3 yrs he feels as though he's made a new life for himself of where he's been staying and doesn't want to work on us. Who does this, who gives up their family to be with a co worker and throw away 14 yrs of being together. Was I that bad of a wife, why did his job always come first? Did we not mean anything to him? I feel like I never mattered to him and his 12 yr old daughter never sees him. She never really saw him before cause he never put us first, it was always his work. What bothers me the most is that he didn't even try to work on our marriage and he's clearly moved on with someone new. My mind won't stop going to what are they doing, is he treating her like he did me when we were together, etc. My daughter has already met this other person. I've asked him when he is filing for a divorce and his reply was "why rush things"?? So, because I know he's with another woman and he supposedly had no physical contact with her before he told me what was going on, is this still adultery, infidelity, an affair??? Thank you for letting me vent. I just wish the pain of all of this would go away. But hey, at least I've dropped 15 lbs. LOL! Hiya hurt and betrayed/ I`m going to be blunt.Sorry if it hurts. (but then you already know what i`m about to say anyway?) He`s already with this woman and has been for ages. Sorry. I really am. i know what you are going through. Nows the time be be strong. Gather evidence about his adultery.(yes it is adultery( if its not physical, which it is, it doesn`t matter) , he`s really not fullfulling his side of the contract( i.e marrriage) is he? Stand up to him.. take him for everything aM
Author hurt and betrayed Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 Thank you for the replies. I briefly spoke I him last night and he doesn't understand why I have so many questions. He doesn't get it. He's walked away from our marriage and expects me to be ok with it. He had the nerve to say what did you expect from me. I worked with her for years and we developed feelings for each other?? Really!! How about remembering you we're married. And he thinks that just because he told me about her and his feelings for her before they hooked up its not cheating/adultery. As far as in concerned until he files divorce papers it's all of the above. Will I ever be able to trust men again??
aMguilts Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Thank you for the replies. I briefly spoke I him last night and he doesn't understand why I have so many questions. He doesn't get it. He's walked away from our marriage and expects me to be ok with it. He had the nerve to say what did you expect from me. I worked with her for years and we developed feelings for each other?? Really!! How about remembering you we're married. And he thinks that just because he told me about her and his feelings for her before they hooked up its not cheating/adultery. As far as in concerned until he files divorce papers it's all of the above. Will I ever be able to trust men again?? HI hurt I really hope so. We are not all the same as your husband. Yes he is an adulterer. And leopards rarely change their spots. He`s done it to you. More fool her for thinking she can actually trust this guy ever. I understand the pain you are going through, It WILL pass though. aM 1
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