Bro Code

[robaday]

2 instances recently which have made me question choosing women known to my male friends to date

 

A woman who works at my colleagues company - met her on a night out, she told my friend (whos her manager) she had hots for me. He then told me. Next day I asked him for her number and he told me things would be too uncomfortable, as she works for him....I said if there was an issue I would leave it alone. He said its cool and not to worry, so I took her out and now he and his girlfriend are pissed at me.

 

 

Second a woman who I met last weekend who is friends with some of my friends - absolutely stunning, she is also very intelligent and told me she doesnt know many people in my city and would love to be asked out (she moved here a year ago). I was really keen on her, chemistry was electric, but after doing some digging I found out she had dated a good friend of mine.....who after the break up has sunken into deep depression.

 

Guess what Im asking is - in the second case I have stayed well away, and would never do that to a close mate - a mates ex is "no go" for me. But the first one......shes not his sister, mother, ex or even close friends ex - shes a 23 year old independent woman who just so happens to work at his company.

 

Am I being a jerk taking her out?

[tman666]

In the first case, maybe your friend is worried that in the event of things ending poorly between you and the girl that he'll have to "choose" to be on your side versus her's, or that he'll have to deal with the fallout at work as her manager.

 

Other than that, I see no logical reason why the first girl wouldn't be able to be pursued.

 

I'd say maybe talk to your friend about why he's put off (not to ask permission, mind you, but to at least have a meeting of the minds). If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't let his response dictate whether or not you decide to take the girl out (i.e., I'd go for it).

[dasein]

Friend #1 is acting like a drama queen. You don't work there, so unless she is a weekly guest at their house, they don't have a rational dog in this fight. Date her if you like and tell he and his wife to grow up.

 

Friend #2 how close is he really if he had such a life altering breakup and you didn't know who the woman was? Also how long in the past? I've nobly stayed away from friends' exes who were interested many many times in the past and regret foreclosing opportunities. My recent rule of thumb if they dated more than a year ago and I don't see my friend socially at least monthly? Fair game.

 

But with #2 the best answer is to simply ask him. If he gives you a pass, go ahead. If he passively aggressively gets ill with you later about it, he wasn't that good a friend to begin with.

[ThaWholigan]

I believe in the Bro Code and have long supported it. I have moved to girls and found out they liked my friend and then set it up for the two of them amongst other things.

 

However, some people invoke the Bro Code for silly things. The 1st thing is kinda silly for them to be pissed about. I would actually explain why it's stupid for your friend and his wife to be pissed.

 

2nd one is more touchy, and in most cases I really would stay away. However, if your feeling is strong and you wish to date that girl, then the best thing would be to ask your friend.

[robaday]

Awesome comments cheers!!

 

I actually agreed with you on my mate being a drama queen, re: his employee.....I mean even if things went badly, thats life....if anyones gonna get hurt itll be me! shes hot! But - I needed to check, hes close mate and didnt wanna fall out with him

 

Second girl - no way man......mates exes its not cool, unless they were completely over them. I knew the guy was severely depressed - he went walk about for three months, and didnt reply to calls. He didnt tell hardly anyone it was over this girl.....

[Sameold]

1st one yes

 

2nd one no, even if he says you can he doesn't mean it.