Prettyinblack Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 This one is Destroying my relationship, big-time!! I have been dating my b/f for almost 2 years ........we are both musicians and have experienced very deep issues that most married people do not survive.....Death of a parent, my getting a very debilitating disease that he has witnessed and stood beside me through......many things to 'deepen' the relationship and it evolved into love......no doubt there. In April of this year, we began talking about buying a house., He has been on his own for 17 years, me for 14 years, no children, both own our own homes etc. Then, we started fighting over the stupidest things split up for a week. We are now back together/ So, That is the background............pass GO. He has this friend that he has been friends with for 40 years. I never got to know him well, but he has recently became the other lead player in my b/f's band so I was seeing him regularly. A few weeks ago at a gig, in the band house, he was in there with myself and the bass players' g/f and made a very rude comment to me about how my b/f could replace me with "Pussy" and I could replace him with "DICK" and laughed and said that was what it was all about, wasn't it? I was so disgusted! I couldn't believe it. At the end of the night, I told my b/f that I was going home, I was bummed! He gave me a puzzled look and said "OK" but questioned me about the next morning. I told him what his friend said and he was outraged! Why would he say that? Why was he so rude? What did I say to him? etc.etc.etc. And then said he was sick of this guy and was going to faze him out of his life come fall when he will find a replacement for him in the band. He is booked until mid September and hasn't booked any further. The problem is, is he called this "friend" on it and he said,. "well, if I offended her, tell her I'm sorry." And then just carried on like nothing. And my b/f did nothing but assured me he would look for a replacement until fall, please just be patient. WELL>>>>>>>>>>>>my PATIENCE is running out!!!!!!! Tonight he called me and I called him back and who was there? THE FRIEND/ My boyfriend was soooooooo uncomfortable! Jeez...... And I am so ..........you know.... And the worst of it is....last Friday night I asked him if he was uncomfortable with my coming out, and he said that he didn't know.....I asked him if I should come out and said he didn't know. I am feeling so horrible about this whole thing. I wouldn't speak to a "friend" who treated my partner like that other on band dates and on rehearsal nights. I just wouldn't. Am I over-reacting? When he told me he was there, I said."Oh, how nice...." He said "I'll see you tomorrow night after work, K?" and I said, "Oh did we have plans tomorrow night?" I am so-------angry. Am I being a looney toon or am I justified? HELP!
rachelcarney Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 So the jerk friend has only actually been an a**h*** that one time? Because if it's just once, and he apologized (though he should have apologized to you, not to your b/f), then you should give him a chance to behave better. If it becomes a habit, then I would totally agree you should be pi$$ed that your b/f expects you to hang out with him. So two things can happen next time you hang with jerkboy: If Jerkboy doesn't do anything again, then it means he was sincere in his apology and you were right to give him another chance. If Jerkboy does do anything again, it will make your case a lot stronger when giving the b/f an ultimatum about it. So I would say try to show what a gracious and forgiving human being you can be, and if he acts like an azz again, THEN fly off the handle.
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