Let us Dumper Talk.

[blue_jay_bird]

Ha.... I was just kidding. There is no such thing.

 

I even tried to look one up. And i realized, they are over you. They don't spend hours wasting their time on the internet trying to figure out what went wrong. They are more the fine, they are happy. ****ing their new fling, or in love with their new Bo.

 

Why are we the dumped so bent on causing are selves more pain by living in the past. THEY PUT YOU IN THEIR PAST. The aren't think about how they made a mistake they are moved on. THEY DON'T CARE. Why do we?

[itsmyfault]

Ha.... I was just kidding. There is no such thing.

 

I even tried to look one up. And i realized, they are over you. They don't spend hours wasting their time on the internet trying to figure out what went wrong. They are more the fine, they are happy. ****ing their new fling, or in love with their new Bo.

 

Why are we the dumped so bent on causing are selves more pain by living in the past. THEY PUT YOU IN THEIR PAST. The aren't think about how they made a mistake they are moved on. THEY DON'T CARE. Why do we?

 

Urm What?!?!

 

I am a dumper, Sufferer of GIGS. It's not as black and white as you make out.

[Tree_Salmon]

Ha.... I was just kidding. There is no such thing.

 

I even tried to look one up. And i realized, they are over you. They don't spend hours wasting their time on the internet trying to figure out what went wrong. They are more the fine, they are happy. ****ing their new fling, or in love with their new Bo.

 

Why are we the dumped so bent on causing are selves more pain by living in the past. THEY PUT YOU IN THEIR PAST. The aren't think about how they made a mistake they are moved on. THEY DON'T CARE. Why do we?

 

I'm a dumper and i'm here.

You can be a dumper and be heartbroken also.

 

I made a choice that was best for both of us.

I hurt more than i've ever hurt in my life but there was no choice. It was going to end with a baby and us divorcing if I hadn't left when I did.

 

I could see that future for myself and I didnt like it.

Now i'm moving on because I have to.

 

Put yourself in the dumpers shoes sometimes. They leave because they are unhappy. Sometimes people are foolish but i make choices based on the best interest of both people.

[itsmyfault]

Breaking up with my Ex was the hardest thing I have ever done. To see the girl I loved so dearly, so crushed was terrible.

 

When I broke it off I did everything a Dumpee could ask for. I cut ALL contact.

I still care very much for the girl and im only just begining to move on from her, as she has from me.

 

Every breakup is different, You might be the dumper one day...

[NeverPlayaPlayer]

no you are wrong.

 

Just less than two weeks ago I told my girlfriend that I didnt want to carry on our 7 month relationship.

 

I was doing everything from paying, to giving her money to paying for her studies, to cooking, to everything, which i dont mind but i do mind when she asks me for more money that i couldnt giver her on that day and she gets angry. whats more she had said some things that i wouldnt expect to hear from a loving and respectful partner.

 

It ended ugly. She verbally abused me an Spanish!! oh those hot Latino women.

 

So emotionally, I miss her and love her still. I even offered her an olive branch, which she declined.

 

Logically, if she cant take care of herself at 34, how could she take me of me if i needed and or our home if we shared one or our baby if we had one.

She never cooked or anything.

 

So yes I dumped her because I need a woman with ability to be more and I a miss her. But logically where would this go? I am 46 I can stand on my own two feet. I am not looking for a cook and a cleaner but I am looking for someone who adds to the relationship.

[theLWord]

I'm a dumper as well. I dated a compulsive liar, put much more into the relationship than her.. I'm the one that obsessed about it and was on here, most likely she wasn't as heartbroken. It's not easy to be the one to end it, and sometimes the dumper does suffer more.

[LostOne1]

I'm a dumper as well. I dated a compulsive liar, put much more into the relationship than her.. I'm the one that obsessed about it and was on here, most likely she wasn't as heartbroken. It's not easy to be the one to end it, and sometimes the dumper does suffer more.

Naww.. not always. My ex I think thought like you... more about investing more into it. But the fact is I think it hurts both sides.

 

It's not easy to tell someone that you loved a lot that you can't be in this relationship anymore. And it's not easy for the other to accept it either.

 

I know in my case my ex was hurt and I was hurt too.

 

I personally think it hurts on both sides

[theLWord]

Naww.. not always. My ex I think thought like you... more about investing more into it. But the fact is I think it hurts both sides.

 

It's not easy to tell someone that you loved a lot that you can't be in this relationship anymore. And it's not easy for the other to accept it either.

 

I know in my case my ex was hurt and I was hurt too.

 

I personally think it hurts on both sides

 

 

You are probably a nicer person than my ex too. But someone who supposedly loves me shouldn't lie to me over and over again. It destroyed my trust. I mean I stuck around to get sh.it on far longer than a person with self respect would have. Someone can only be on the back burner and get treated like garbage for so long. So even though I broke up with her, she did everything to hurt me but be the one to end it. I meant she's not the one on this website reading about how to get over a break up, etc. Infact she just went on to rebounds. So even though I dumped her, I know I cared more, tried harder, and hurt more at least in my case. I'm sure it hurts some on her end, but she would've needed s conscience to really understand pain. I'm not bitter at all. Lol

[moveONorStay]

Dumper here too...not a day has gone past in over two months that I haven't thought about her...so, I agree with many here...you don't split, forget and move on. Not that simple!

[Tmo2]

If it is also so hard as dumpers to dump when the relationship aint going well, why don't they tell the other person that there are problems in the couple and try to fix it? Then if its not fixable move on... I have read many stories in wich the dumper leaves their partner out of the blue, without warning. Obviously they were not satisfied, but why not try and talk about it before calling it quits???

[blue_jay_bird]

If it is also so hard as dumpers to dump when the relationship aint going well, why don't they tell the other person that there are problems in the couple and try to fix it? Then if its not fixable move on... I have read many stories in wich the dumper leaves their partner out of the blue, without warning. Obviously they were not satisfied, but why not try and talk about it before calling it quits???

 

Well i chalk it up to the inability to communicate. And taking the easy way out. They look at the problems and think they are unchangeable. Maybe they are right. Maybe not, but in the end what ever the reason. It does not matter right.

[itsmyfault]

Well I had GIGS, no matter what changed I would still have got it.

 

Something's can't be changed. Me and my ex communicated brilliantly

We fixed a lot of stuff, but some stuff couldn't be fixed also, she had depression.

 

If you can fix that I've night I'm sure there are millions of people who would like to hear how?

 

I understand you must feel terrible for being dumped. One day however, it might be you doing the dumping. There aren't many people who really want to end a relationship.

[theLWord]

If it is also so hard as dumpers to dump when the relationship aint going well, why don't they tell the other person that there are problems in the couple and try to fix it? Then if its not fixable move on... I have read many stories in wich the dumper leaves their partner out of the blue, without warning. Obviously they were not satisfied, but why not try and talk about it before calling it quits???

 

I agree with this. I told my ex no less than ten times to please stop lying to me, please communicate with me more. The breaking point for me, she lied and said she didn't get at least ten texts from me (she was with a ” friend”).. Then if that wasn't enough she wouldn't even spend her birthday with me. And of course after I broke up it was, ” why did you do this to us?” We were long distance and she did what she wanted, I was loyal. I put up with this for a year. I felt the dumpee for good reason. I got rejected way too many times.

[joeschmo]

I'm a dumper and 2 months later still having huge regrets over it. I probably blew an opportunity to try and work things out with an incredible woman rather than walk away but that was just where my mind was at the time. It felt like a pre-emptive maneuver as the honeymoon period was coming to an end, I didn't like it and thought she might be setting me up for a fall, but at the same time that may have just been me over-thinking things (have that tendency).

 

The break-up was fine (see my thread about it) we've spoken a few times and everything has been cool but there's been no attempts at meeting up or talking about what happened. I'm 2 weeks into NC, blocked her BBM and FB as I'm struggling and don't want to blow her up, would rather fight through, deal with my stuff and if in another few weeks this still sucks maybe try her again.

 

Anyway sometimes being the dumper is rough!!

Edited November 22, 2012 by joeschmo

[blue_jay_bird]

Well I had GIGS, no matter what changed I would still have got it.

 

Something's can't be changed. Me and my ex communicated brilliantly

We fixed a lot of stuff, but some stuff couldn't be fixed also, she had depression.

 

If you can fix that I've night I'm sure there are millions of people who would like to hear how?

 

I understand you must feel terrible for being dumped. One day however, it might be you doing the dumping. There aren't many people who really want to end a relationship.

 

I have depression. It is VERY treatable and CHANGEABLE. I would know since i have it.

 

Their is a huge stigma against people with depression, and you are a example. Dumping someone for having depression is like dumping someone for having a liver condition. I'm very sorry for you for not understanding this. It make's me sad for your narrow perspective on mental health.

 

Great communication with your girlfriend would be; as such; I love you, im worried about your condition. I want you to get help and learn how to deal with your condition.

 

I have learned and changed, and will never have to deal with my major issues of depression BECAUSE i have learned the skills and tools in dealing with my illness. If your partner is unable to do this i would understand.

 

BUT if she is willing to change and treat herself i see no reason why it would be a issue.

 

YES depression will always be a part of her, but it is her job to learn to treat herself and take care of this issue. It DOES NOT mean she will spend the rest of her life in a stooped or one day go crazy. If she learns to treat herself she will lead a more the perfectly heathy life. And maybe a better life since she is no longer with a man the does not understand that depression is a life sentence.

[Emilia]

no you are wrong.

 

Just less than two weeks ago I told my girlfriend that I didnt want to carry on our 7 month relationship.

 

I was doing everything from paying, to giving her money to paying for her studies, to cooking, to everything, which i dont mind but i do mind when she asks me for more money that i couldnt giver her on that day and she gets angry. whats more she had said some things that i wouldnt expect to hear from a loving and respectful partner.

 

It ended ugly. She verbally abused me an Spanish!! oh those hot Latino women.

 

So emotionally, I miss her and love her still. I even offered her an olive branch, which she declined.

 

Logically, if she cant take care of herself at 34, how could she take me of me if i needed and or our home if we shared one or our baby if we had one.

She never cooked or anything.

 

So yes I dumped her because I need a woman with ability to be more and I a miss her. But logically where would this go? I am 46 I can stand on my own two feet. I am not looking for a cook and a cleaner but I am looking for someone who adds to the relationship.

 

you did the right thing

[itsmyfault]

I Didn't leave her because of the depression.

 

As a non sufferer its a weird thing to try and grasp, I'm a confident person, I don't really get down or sad, I have no problem confronting people and i don't really worry.

 

That made it difficult for me, I constantly felt like I was doing everything for her, If she was upset, She would literally curl into the fetal postion and break down. No amount of reasoning or simple comforting could break her from this.

 

Im not going to lie, sometimes it did frustrate and anger me, I can't possibly understand what would cause someone to do that over something so sinister.

 

So Blue_jay_bird, You may think I was insensitive, But I always stood by her with her depression, I made her get back on meds when she decided she wanted to stop them.

I always tried to push her through her comfort zones in order to help her break that depression, Instill some confidence in her.

 

Depression is a cruel thing, Its hard for both parties.

[blue_jay_bird]

No offence, but I think you're being a little hard on itsmyfault. You're right when you say depression is treatable and that it's no different from having any other illness/disorder, but does that mean it should be overlooked when someone is deciding whether to continue a relationship? A mental illness, like any long-term, serious illness is fair grounds for walking away from a relationship.

 

No one is obligated to stay with his or her partner just because said partner is in a position that they don't have much control over. I left the man I mentioned above because he has PTSD, and I have cancer. He can't deal with the level of stress in my life right now, and I can't deal with the way he can't deal with it. Does that make him a bad person? No. Does he owe it to me to stay by my side? Definitely not, he certainly didn't give me these rotting breasts. Do I owe it to him to "stand my man"? No. I didn't send him to Iraq or blow out the disks in his back.

 

It's easy to get hung up on feeling stigmatized when you're sad and you believe you deserve another chance because you had no control over your own life situation but, remember, the person you're involved with does have a choice whether or not to stay involved with your circumstances. It may not seem fair, or kind, or just, but they do have the right to move away from your/our pain. No one is obligated to stay in a relationship that is unsatisfactory, regardless of the reason why it is that way.

 

Yes i was to hard on itsmyfault.

 

But according to statistics, over 18 million Americans suffer from depression.

 

And YES a loved one's depression be a deal breaker?

 

Such as the situation above, and maybe "itsmyfault"'s situation.

 

BUT

 

if the person you're dating is seeking help, in my opinion, it's always good to stick around. Everyone has dark periods in their life, it's how we deal with them that's important. If therapy is being tried and they're putting effort, the least you can do is stick around and support. If things are not improving YES you should leave.

[blue_jay_bird]

I Didn't leave her because of the depression.

 

As a non sufferer its a weird thing to try and grasp, I'm a confident person, I don't really get down or sad, I have no problem confronting people and i don't really worry.

 

That made it difficult for me, I constantly felt like I was doing everything for her, If she was upset, She would literally curl into the fetal postion and break down. No amount of reasoning or simple comforting could break her from this.

 

Im not going to lie, sometimes it did frustrate and anger me, I can't possibly understand what would cause someone to do that over something so sinister.

 

So Blue_jay_bird, You may think I was insensitive, But I always stood by her with her depression, I made her get back on meds when she decided she wanted to stop them.

I always tried to push her through her comfort zones in order to help her break that depression, Instill some confidence in her.

 

Depression is a cruel thing, Its hard for both parties.

 

I'm sorry i was hard.

 

But i feel i was dumped because of my metal illness. I do a VERY good job at taking care of it. But i didn't do such a good job the year my ex left. He never told me i was slipping or that i was having issues. I just didn't notice. I want to confront him ask him if it was one of the reasons. I won't because of NC and i just don't want to hear it.

 

But the worst my depression was when he left me, was that i didn't want to get a better job, i was unsure of myself with school work. And i didn't want to make new friends. And that how "bad" it was. It was just a funk, and iv seen the same thing happen to him.

 

I personally never had a very difficult time, I did the whole fetal position once when i was worried about exam's.

 

I wish i could just talk to him. Tell him and ask him my he is so worried, or scared. I just don't understand him.

[blue_jay_bird]

I am a very positive person myself, which is why my depression is not something that effects me that badly.

 

My depression was never talked about. I take medication, therapy. But we never talked about it.

 

But i want to talk to him about it...is it a bad idea?

[Sugarkane]

If it is also so hard as dumpers to dump when the relationship aint going well, why don't they tell the other person that there are problems in the couple and try to fix it? Then if its not fixable move on... I have read many stories in wich the dumper leaves their partner out of the blue, without warning. Obviously they were not satisfied, but why not try and talk about it before calling it quits???

 

My ex never said anything was wrong. I got dumped by text after a year. So much for dumpers caring. When I asked for a reason all I got was hilariously that I can't communicate. A bit bloody rich after being dumped by text. 2 years later still been in NC the whole time. they don't all care.

[Sugarkane]

I've had a couple if exes end things badly and dint seem to care to this day. And I've never cheated or treated someone badly. Try and figure that one out.

[moveONorStay]

I've had a couple if exes end things badly and dint seem to care to this day. And I've never cheated or treated someone badly. Try and figure that one out.

 

Sometimes the most meaningful and intense relationships are the ones that end the worst...From my experiences, anyway.

[Pinknlatn]

There was no trust, no communication, lies, jealousy, he hacked my phone, ****ty unthoughtful gifts, cheap, and scratches all over his chest.

(my last relationship)

 

So yes, I am the dumper in all my relationships. I have never been dumped. And I'll tell you why. I give 100% and I care. I know what I want and I don't let my stupid feelings or his bull**** promises blind me.

 

And they always come back for "closure".

 

Seriously?

 

After the complete ******* you were, you think you deserve to waste more of my time?! Lol pleaseeeeee bitch!

 

If anyone needs closure it's me. I need closure from finding all these douchebags that don't deserve a good woman as myself. So cry me a river if I decide to never want to talk to you again.

 

But hey, I'm a firm believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe me having to go through a few ****ed up relationships will give me more wisdom and help me identify losers before they say a word to me.

 

So dumpers, if you do what you gotta do to be the bigger person in a situation, big props!! Keep your head up high. Don't stay in relationships because "you love him". Love isn't a good enough reason and your ass will end up on Maury when they declare he's the father to those other 5 bitches baby's. Be smart. God bless.