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Age difference


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Posted

This is my first time on this forum. I would just like some advice or hear about experience with a similar situation to mine. I'm 30 years old and dating a 22 year old. I'm divorced with two kids, and I have a vasectomy. I am not sure that I want to have any more kids, but my GF, being as young as she is, is more than likely going to want some in the future. She's already talked about it, and the prospect of a vasectomy reversal has been brought up. I just wanna know what other people in this situation have done or experienced, and perhaps some help dealing with it. Thanks in advance for any help.

Posted

I can help with the Reversal part, at least.

 

I had one about a dozen years ago. It was successful (to the tune of four more kids), but it hurt. I was paractically bed-ridden for a week, and it was probably a month before I was pain-free. It was certainly worth it, though.

 

The age difference? It doesn't seem huge, but you're in a better place to judge whether the stage-of-life differences are surmountable or not.

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Posted

Thanks for that. I just have a question if that's allright. How long after the vasectomy did you get the reversal?

Posted

About five years or so.

  • Author
Posted

Thank you. That is actually quite inspirational. Now I just gotta figure out how to come up with the $6K to pay for it!

Posted

Don't you think it would be wise to wait at least until you've been together three years (she will only be 25) before making such a drastic decision? Can you afford to have more kids now? What sort of job does she have?

  • Like 1
Posted

Welcome to the forum. Agree with fitchick, wait and see. Don't have an expensive surgery until marriage is on the table, and that should be a very measured decision made over time. You say she has talked about it? Adamantly? or in passing? The decision to bring more children into the world should be careful and considered, not just because one can or feels an urge. Good luck.

 

Oh, there is an age gap thread consolidated here at the top in case you missed it.

  • Author
Posted

The thing is I never really wanted the vasectomy to begin with. My ex had convinced me after 2years of "nagging" for a lack of a better term. And also if ever the possibility of more kids is to be an option, the reversal should happen sooner than later for the odds of it working. She also says she does not want kids now, but perhaps in 5 years or so she quite possibly will. And as far as marriage goes, that's a whole different discussion. :p

Posted

A lot can happen in five years. My college friend was adamant about wanting kids and thought I was odd for not wanting them. At the age of 27 she had her tubes tied.

Posted

22 is pretty young to be taking on a ready-made family. I'd suggest telling her that you would be willing to do the reversal if your relationship materialized into a committed one in the future. Just so she knows your willingness on this. I wouldn't recommend doing the reversal before that time, though, in case the relationship does not work out. If you break up with her, you may find yourself with someone who is divorced with children of her own and glad you had the vasectomy. You never know. Just express your willingness to have it reversed if your relationship progresses to a committed one, but hold off with the procedure until it is committed.

Posted

Regardless of small chances of waiting impacting reversal, keep your vasectomy as long as you possibly can, until you are preparing to actually have children, not just in discussion. Reverse it only if you are absolutely certain that you want to father more children in your life in the immediate future. Good luck.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

Thank you all for your advice/opinions. Gives me a lot to think about. Much appreciated. :)

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