Support needed.

[zt89]

Hello all,

 

This is my first time on this forum and I figured I would give it a shot. I have been dating this girl for about 8 months, we were great friends before that for about a year. About 2 months ago she started going to counseling for sexual assaults that took place in her life about 3 years before we met. During these months of counseling, our relationship started to take a turn for the worst. She had a sudden urge to go out and get drunk downtown every weekend. I was never invited downtown with her and would always get phone calls at about 2 A.M. asking to pick her up because she was drunk. About three weeks ago, she told me that we are in different spots in the relationship and need to take a step back so we can get better for each other. I accepted this, and tried to give her the space she needed, but she would cry when I went to leave and tell me she just wants me there with her. She kept giving me mixed signals, telling me needing time apart, then pulling me back in saying that she wants me there with her. I didn't know what to think at this point, except that she truly did want me around and to be with her. About a week and a half ago I expressed how I felt disrespected for how she would always call me when she needed a ride, yet never invited me out with her. This is when things went bad. She told me the next day that we should spend some time apart. Once again I agreed, thinking that time would heal these issues and honestly, we did need some time apart, because we were together so much. Yesterday I went over to her apartment to get a few of my things and found a condom wrapper and my heart stopped. I waited until she got off work to ask her about it and she told me that in the week and a half we had apart, she met someone who really made her feel good. I told her that we have to end it right now and that I dont know if I can talk to her because of how I still feel about her and how hurt I am that she was able to just drop me so quickly. She didn't seem to show too much emotion and was just like "**** happens". I kept my composure and was the bigger person and before leaving, I gave her a hug and kissed her head and told her I hope shes happy and wish her the best.

 

I thought that would be the hardest part, but now I am realizing that life without her is miserable for me. It has only been a day and I am struggling with about everything. I get so depressed and angry when I think that she has already been with another man after just a week and a half. I dont know how to shake these feelings and want to continue to live my life and be happy, but its just so cloudy right now. This was my first relationship and she was my first sexual partner, so I have never experienced anything like this. I just want to know if anyone has advice on how to cope with it and move on, because I can't live like this. I refuse to just roll over, but it is proving extremely hard. Sorry for such a long story, and thank you in advance for any support you have to offer.

[onavap]

Going through something very similar, except I don't know if my ex has been with anyone else. We've been broke up for about 12 days now and it has been horrible. I broke up with him out of anger about 5 days after our one year anniversary because of a huge argument and I begged for him back the next day and he wouldn't take me back. We haven't spoken since.

 

I feel your pain, even though I don't know if my situation is exactly the same, but it KILLS me to even think about him being with someone else and moving on quickly like that. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. We just gotta tell ourselves that life has a plan for us and it's going exactly how it should be so just go with the flow.

 

I'm just saying that you shouldn't feel alone right now because other people are experiencing the same feelings as you. Life is miserable and I have no motivation to do anything. I've been spending alot of time with some close friends and family which seems to be the best way to keep my mind off of it, or even to talk about it and seek advice from them and their experiences. This site is a great tool as well, we're all heartbroken and here for eachother!!

[zt89]

I am sorry that you are going through something similar, I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone. You are right, hanging out with family and close friends is a great thing I've found to keep my mind occupied. The worst times are the times when nobody is around and I am left just thinking about it. It just hurts knowing that I may never talk to her again. One thing that isn't good to do is look at Facebook. I have removed it from my phone after realizing she unfriended me because it makes me feel like ****. All we can do is keep living and keep our heads high.

[Chi townD]

Well, of course you're going to be hurting. You invested almost a year into this girl and the truth about her behavior was discovered yesterday. You can't just turn of the emotional light switch that quickly. What I find most disturbing is her blaise attitude once you discovered that she was screwing someone else like "whatever". Kind of gives you an idea of how she truely felt about you and the relationship.

 

Here's the deal. You're gonna go on a roller coaster ride and it's called the roller coaster of emotions. Right now, you're hurt. Then you'll probably get sad, then you're going to get angry as hell. Then, you're gonna get numb, then back to hurt, then back to indifferent.......thus, a roller coaster ride. You need to go NC with this girl NO CONTACT!!! Stop following her on twitter, defriend her on FB. Do not text her, do not call her, do not e-mail her. Do not respond to her texts or e-mails. Let her calls go to voicemail. If you have the urge to do any of that...post here instead. People will be here to walk you through the hard times.

 

YOU ARE NOT HER FRIEND!!! Don't think that you can be one to her. I'm sure you didn't get into a caring and loving relationship with the end result being that you are nothing more than a "really good friend". Doesn't make any sense.

 

You need to make positive changes in your life. Get a new hairstyle that people will notice and like. Buy a new wardrobe and be styling. Total GQ. This will help you with your self esteem. Go to the gym. Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. This will help you work off the stress and frustrations. Plus, this will help you get a cut and lean body. Also helping your self esteem. Go back to school. Take a few classes and work toward a higher degree. This will help you improve your financial status and it will keep your mind working on other things other than sitting at home wondering what she's doing. Get new hobbies. Join a cycling club, or a running club. Community theather...whatever! This will keep you busy and not thinking about her so much. PLUS! You meet some interesting people along the way. Finally, save your money and travel. Go see the world! Just pick a place that you've always wanted to see and.....go! Save and make it happen. These are positive changes in your life that WILL help you heal from this and more quickly rather than if you didn't do anything at all. This paragraph will help you get over her and move on. Lets you move forward with your life. AND it's the best revenge you can get on her. And that revenge is living a damn good life.

 

Time to heal and move on. Start making some of those positive changes.

[Kristinch1]

You poor, poor, poor thing. It's only been a day so of course you are going to be depressed and upset. You have suffered the loss of a relationship and a betrayal. I think the counseling about the rape opened up some very bad emotions in your girlfriend that she couldn't cope with and so she Inappropriately turned to alcohol and maybe even anonymous sex as a sort of bandaid and distraction from all those horrible things dredging up the rape brought up. You too are a victim here of that assault. But here is where you have to be different than her. She is letting that horrible thing continue to reap horror upon her cause one day she is going to be sorry for losing you. You were a good boyfriend and a good friend. You need to move on. You are going to hurt for awhile. Step one is no contact with her. Don't call, don't email, don't text. It's going to be really hard but this is the number one key to healing. Step two is avoid the radio and love stories at the movies. Hearing love songs is going to be like salt in the wound. Step three then is just go out with friends and stay busy. Put yourself in a path where you will meet new people . Do things. You will be happy again. Bad things happen to good people. But strong people overcome and triumph. I see in your character that you are a strong person.

Edited November 20, 2012 by Kristinch1

[zt89]

First off thanks all of you for the responses. Something that is still bothering me is that after I left her apartment yesterday, I felt like I did the right thing by hugging her kissing her head and saying I hope you're happy and wish you best of luck. As I turned away she said "so you're just never going to talk to me again?" Later that day she unfriended me from Facebook, which she never does. Her ex boyfriend who hit her she never even unfriended. I just feel confused why she would do that. I know I shouldn't care but its still so fresh I can't help it.

[onavap]

She did that to get your attention, she wants you to keep talking to her and be her little "puppy dog". Its like an ego booster. Just keep up with NC and believe me, it will turn out beneficial.

[zt89]

I am feeling like a fool today. Our breakup has only been two days ago and now I am reflecting realizing how much I ignored things because I thought she was better than that. This is the first girl I thought I could trust with anything. Deep down I knew something was up, but kept ignoring it thinking it would change. But now I'm feel like pure **** and that I was such a fool. I don't know how she could move on in a weeks time and already be with someone else and not hurt one bit. Throughout the relationship my self confidence was shattered(she always talked about how hot other guys were). She is a stunningly beautiful girl with a great body and now I'm left with nothing except shattered confidence. I have been eating right and working out to improve my confidence but I just feel I won't ever meet someone as beautiful as her that I can care about who will care for me. Thanks for listening I just needed to vent.