grace_76 Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 i have to get this off my chest. friday night, i was out with friends. i was hassled by this guy for about 2 hours. i wasnt particularly interested, guys in clubs are generally just looking to hit it. i went & danced with one of my guy friends so he would get lost in the end. later on one of my girlfriends overdid the drink and i wanted to see her home (neither of us had taxi fare). suddenly during this walk this guy appears from behind us out of breath from running...and insists on seeing us home. which was kind of creepy but not as creepy as the route we both had to take to get to our houses, so i figured why not. it transpired that this guy lived on the next street from me, so we walked back to that end of town after seeing her home. anyway, we end up about 10 minutes away from our streets and this guy hails a cab saying he was cold. now sober, this is obvious, but drunk, i thought fair enough and got in. (idiot). we ended up about 15 miles out of town at this guys real place. we had a good night despite the somewhat weird circumstances. we happen to get on really well, similar sense of humour, etc etc. to my shame we had sex. fine, mistake, one night stand, i know all this. in the morning, he was going to work so gave me a lift home. it was completely out of his way & i was more than capable of making my way home but he insisted. i was generally expecting this to be the end of it as i got out of the car but he insisted on swapping numbers blah blah. so i did. on reflection the next day, i thought i probably seemed quite standoffish in the morning because i felt really unwell. so i text the guy just to say thanks for the lift home & everything. and he ignored me!!! im so angry at myself for going along with this! i can deal with a one night stand if you're honest about it. why sugar coat it and do the whole nice guy charade & then be so ignorant?? why be so persistent with everything if you're really not that bothered? i know its my own fault but i am just so angry!!
LittlePrince Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 i have to get this off my chest. friday night, i was out with friends. i was hassled by this guy for about 2 hours. i wasnt particularly interested, guys in clubs are generally just looking to hit it. i went & danced with one of my guy friends so he would get lost in the end. later on one of my girlfriends overdid the drink and i wanted to see her home (neither of us had taxi fare). suddenly during this walk this guy appears from behind us out of breath from running...and insists on seeing us home. which was kind of creepy but not as creepy as the route we both had to take to get to our houses, so i figured why not. it transpired that this guy lived on the next street from me, so we walked back to that end of town after seeing her home. anyway, we end up about 10 minutes away from our streets and this guy hails a cab saying he was cold. now sober, this is obvious, but drunk, i thought fair enough and got in. (idiot). we ended up about 15 miles out of town at this guys real place. we had a good night despite the somewhat weird circumstances. we happen to get on really well, similar sense of humour, etc etc. to my shame we had sex. fine, mistake, one night stand, i know all this. in the morning, he was going to work so gave me a lift home. it was completely out of his way & i was more than capable of making my way home but he insisted. i was generally expecting this to be the end of it as i got out of the car but he insisted on swapping numbers blah blah. so i did. on reflection the next day, i thought i probably seemed quite standoffish in the morning because i felt really unwell. so i text the guy just to say thanks for the lift home & everything. and he ignored me!!! im so angry at myself for going along with this! i can deal with a one night stand if you're honest about it. why sugar coat it and do the whole nice guy charade & then be so ignorant?? why be so persistent with everything if you're really not that bothered? i know its my own fault but i am just so angry!! The guy you never wanted to be with never called and you are angry with this? 3
Author grace_76 Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 The guy you never wanted to be with never called and you are angry with this? i wasnt expecting a call. i just dont understand why/how guys can do this, be so persistent, exchange pleasantries, sort of make you feel like the rude/ cold person, and then when you actually make contact with them after they insisted on swapping numbers..ignore you! whats the point? just so i feel like an idiot?
MrCastle Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 So help me to understand this. You slept with a guy you didn't like? I'm trying to wrap my brain around this one. Not to embarrass you or call you out in any way, I just need other women to come in here and chime in. Women, does this happen often? I am well aware of the effects of alcohol, but so much so that you'd sleep with a guy you were trying to avoid? How does this happen? I am honestly genuinely curious. I know I can be sarcastic but I'm being totally serious. What is the thought process behind this move? Some guys are out here really struggling to get laid and other guys just fall into pussy that easy? Go from getting the cold shoulder from a girl to taking her to your place and banging? I need to know how.
Author grace_76 Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 So help me to understand this. You slept with a guy you didn't like? I'm trying to wrap my brain around this one. Not to embarrass you or call you out in any way, I just need other women to come in here and chime in. Women, does this happen often? I am well aware of the effects of alcohol, but so much so that you'd sleep with a guy you were trying to avoid? How does this happen? I am honestly genuinely curious. I know I can be sarcastic but I'm being totally serious. What is the thought process behind this move? Some guys are out here really struggling to get laid and other guys just fall into pussy that easy? Go from getting the cold shoulder from a girl to taking her to your place and banging? I need to know how. be persistent as hell. throw in some b.s. charm while you're at it. oh, and pick your targets. the more drunk the better.
MrCastle Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 be persistent as hell. throw in some b.s. charm while you're at it. oh, and pick your targets. the more drunk the better. But persistence is a double edged sword. It can be a little uh... rapey. If a girl says no, it's no. That's what I always grew up believing and a rule I'll continue to live by. I just--the change is just so stark. To go from "get this guy away from me" to "well I'm gonna go to his place, get naked and bang this total stranger that I initially didn't want anything to do with". My mind is blown. I always thought alcohol lowers your inhibitions, but there had to he something there initially. Meaning, a girl has an interest in me but she's too shy to let loose; the alcohol then gives her the boost she needs to have a ONS with me. I was unaware alcohol could get you to that point without any initial attraction. So what is the thought process as you're undressing getting ready to bang this dude? Are you excited? Are you into it? Is it bad sloppy drunk sex or are you actually getting into it? I'm sorry I'm asking so many questions. I'm just legitimately curious as to the psychology behind this.
Author grace_76 Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 But persistence is a double edged sword. It can be a little uh... rapey. If a girl says no, it's no. That's what I always grew up believing and a rule I'll continue to live by. I just--the change is just so stark. To go from "get this guy away from me" to "well I'm gonna go to his place, get naked and bang this total stranger that I initially didn't want anything to do with". My mind is blown. I always thought alcohol lowers your inhibitions, but there had to he something there initially. Meaning, a girl has an interest in me but she's too shy to let loose; the alcohol then gives her the boost she needs to have a ONS with me. I was unaware alcohol could get you to that point without any initial attraction. So what is the thought process as you're undressing getting ready to bang this dude? Are you excited? Are you into it? Is it bad sloppy drunk sex or are you actually getting into it? I'm sorry I'm asking so many questions. I'm just legitimately curious as to the psychology behind this. dont be sorry, im not going to feel any more stupid. the guy wasnt unattractive, just not my type. ive had a ONS once in the past and decided it wasnt for me. which is why i was shrugging this guy off. the persistence didnt seem quite as weird/ rapey because he was trying at some point to be helpful i suppose. before we left this club, although i shrugged him off every time he'd spoken to me, he came up to me and told me where my friend was because id lost her when id gone to the bar. she was in a right state, he asked if we needed help and i said no thanks & left. he caught up with us about 15 minutes later and ended up listening to her crying about her ex boyfriend for about 20 minutes. even writing this now, this seems like alot of effort for someone just looking for a one night stand. i just dont get it. im not really one for letting my guard down emotionally, and i feel a little caught out with the whole not replying thing. its just confusing.
todreaminblue Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 I dont think you should be angry with him at all, it was a one nighter and you didn't really want anything from him so its over and done ......i had a guy jump in my girlfriends car a the end of the night to go home with me he was respectful towards me all night......and even though i was drunk i didn't have sex with him...... i take the one hour rule for harassment if a guy truly harasses me at a club ill let it go for one hour or as soon as its physical i move on or have him asked to leave..... i would not have gone back to that guys place even if i was drunk that was a huge error in judgement a possible high risk for you....high risk you didnt have money to get home either...i have teenage girls and this sort of thing happening to them concerns me ...maybe because i have been assaulted.... when i said you shouldnt be angry that's true but what you should be is wary .....i guess the positive is that you did give consent.......i wonder what might have happened if you didnt go through with it....the guy sounds like a dick honestly ......he did take advantage.....you dont need him to reply to you he got what he wanted......he did the nice guy act because you were stand offish.....maybe he thought you were regretting it because you were drunk and he didnt want repercussions from that fact, when you replied he thought sweet all is cool phew missed a bullet...thats a very wild guess but it is a possibility...dotn be angry be grateful he isnt a stalker and that he is just a dick and he took what he wanted because you had beer goggles on....lesson learned..hugs..deb 1
MrCastle Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 dont be sorry, im not going to feel any more stupid. the guy wasnt unattractive, just not my type. ive had a ONS once in the past and decided it wasnt for me. which is why i was shrugging this guy off. the persistence didnt seem quite as weird/ rapey because he was trying at some point to be helpful i suppose. before we left this club, although i shrugged him off every time he'd spoken to me, he came up to me and told me where my friend was because id lost her when id gone to the bar. she was in a right state, he asked if we needed help and i said no thanks & left. he caught up with us about 15 minutes later and ended up listening to her crying about her ex boyfriend for about 20 minutes. even writing this now, this seems like alot of effort for someone just looking for a one night stand. i just dont get it. im not really one for letting my guard down emotionally, and i feel a little caught out with the whole not replying thing. its just confusing. Well that's actually the easy part. Any and every guy you meet at a bar is just trying to bang you. Preferably that same night. I mean that's a no brainer. Whatever it takes. Faking who you are, faking being nice, lying about where you live or what you do for a living, etc. If you only knew what guys really thought about girls they meet at bars/clubs. No respect, just pure objectification. You as a woman have to realize that. They're not going there paying a cover charge, dressed sharp, smelling good, buying you drinks because they're friendly and just trying to be nice. They're trying to **** you. He didn't call you because he doesn't respect you. Few men (if any) have respect for women they sleep with within hours of meeting them. You were a notch on his belt and nothing more. Sorry if I'm coming across too harsh but that's just the reality of the situation.
Author grace_76 Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 I dont think you should be angry with him at all, it was a one nighter and you didn't really want anything from him so its over and done ......i had a guy jump in my girlfriends car a the end of the night to go home with me he was respectful towards me all night......and even though i was drunk i didn't have sex with him...... i take the one hour rule for harassment if a guy truly harasses me at a club ill let it go for one hour or as soon as its physical i move on or have him asked to leave..... i would not have gone back to that guys place even if i was drunk that was a huge error in judgement a possible high risk for you....high risk you didnt have money to get home either...i have teenage girls and this sort of thing happening to them concerns me ...maybe because i have been assaulted.... when i said you shouldnt be angry that's true but what you should be is wary .....i guess the positive is that you did give consent.......i wonder what might have happened if you didnt go through with it....the guy sounds like a dick honestly ......he did take advantage.....you dont need him to reply to you he got what he wanted......he did the nice guy act because you were stand offish.....maybe he thought you were regretting it because you were drunk and he didnt want repercussions from that fact, when you replied he thought sweet all is cool phew missed a bullet...thats a very wild guess but it is a possibility...dotn be angry be grateful he isnt a stalker and that he is just a dick and he took what he wanted because you had beer goggles on....lesson learned..hugs..deb i agree it was a really stupid decision to go anywhere with him. im so sorry you've been assaulted before, that makes me feel even more stupid/ naive. like you say though, lesson learned. in honesty im not really angry at him, im angry at myself.
Author grace_76 Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 Well that's actually the easy part. Any and every guy you meet at a bar is just trying to bang you. Preferably that same night. I mean that's a no brainer. Whatever it takes. Faking who you are, faking being nice, lying about where you live or what you do for a living, etc. If you only knew what guys really thought about girls they meet at bars/clubs. No respect, just pure objectification. You as a woman have to realize that. They're not going there paying a cover charge, dressed sharp, smelling good, buying you drinks because they're friendly and just trying to be nice. They're trying to **** you. He didn't call you because he doesn't respect you. Few men (if any) have respect for women they sleep with within hours of meeting them. You were a notch on his belt and nothing more. Sorry if I'm coming across too harsh but that's just the reality of the situation. i wouldnt say harsh, id say condescending. but its nice to get a guys viewpoint. lying and faking things about yourself, it must really feel like an acheivement when you score.
MrCastle Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 i wouldnt say harsh, id say condescending. but its nice to get a guys viewpoint. lying and faking things about yourself, it must really feel like an acheivement when you score. If that's the impression you got, then my apologies. I'm not trying to shame you or anything. I haven't even told you how I feel personally about your decision to sleep with him. I just initially wanted to understand how you go from no attraction to sleeping with a guy, and then, eventually; to help explain why he did not reply to you. You got played. I'm just telling you how it is. As far as feeling great about scoring despite lying and faking; I personally don't do that, but sure, it happens. Guys do it. You have to be aware of it. You ask why go through all the trouble he did just to hit it and quit it. The answer is simple: because it works. Would you have slept with him if he didn't do those things? No. He did them to establish a level of comfort because you weren't biting on his typical approach. He had to go the distance to get past your barrier, which he did. You are not going to find relationship potential men in a bar or club setting. It just does not happen. Guys are there to get laid. Whatever they have to do to get to that point, they'll do it. And brag about it later. I thought that part was common knowledge. 1
Author grace_76 Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 If that's the impression you got, then my apologies. I'm not trying to shame you or anything. I haven't even told you how I feel personally about your decision to sleep with him. I just initially wanted to understand how you go from no attraction to sleeping with a guy, and then, eventually; to help explain why he did not reply to you. You got played. I'm just telling you how it is. As far as feeling great about scoring despite lying and faking; I personally don't do that, but sure, it happens. Guys do it. You have to be aware of it. You ask why go through all the trouble he did just to hit it and quit it. The answer is simple: because it works. Would you have slept with him if he didn't do those things? No. He did them to establish a level of comfort because you weren't biting on his typical approach. He had to go the distance to get past your barrier, which he did. You are not going to find relationship potential men in a bar or club setting. It just does not happen. Guys are there to get laid. Whatever they have to do to get to that point, they'll do it. And brag about it later. I thought that part was common knowledge. thanks for the explanation. makes alot of sense. god im so stupid. i will just say though, i dont go to bars looking for relationships. i dont seek guys out either, they approach me. and 9/10 times get nowhere. i dont understand why guys dont just cut out the whole pleasantries thing in the morning, dont ****ing give me all that rubbish about staying in touch and insist on exchanging numbers etc etc if you dont mean it. whats the point? you got what you want, get over yourself. (not you personally, just the general group it applies to).
MrCastle Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 thanks for the explanation. makes alot of sense. god im so stupid. i will just say though, i dont go to bars looking for relationships. i dont seek guys out either, they approach me. and 9/10 times get nowhere. i dont understand why guys dont just cut out the whole pleasantries thing in the morning, dont ****ing give me all that rubbish about staying in touch and insist on exchanging numbers etc etc if you dont mean it. whats the point? you got what you want, get over yourself. (not you personally, just the general group it applies to). They get the number just in the event they want to sleep with you again. "Hey it's me. Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner, just been crazy busy. Anyway, I was thinking of going to this bar tonight, maybe you can come and we'll have some drinks? :-)" 1
todreaminblue Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 i agree it was a really stupid decision to go anywhere with him. im so sorry you've been assaulted before, that makes me feel even more stupid/ naive. like you say though, lesson learned. in honesty im not really angry at him, im angry at myself. I didnt want to make you feel more naive or sorry for me i dealt with it, just wanted to say you were lucky actually that it didnt happen....and i for one am so glad it didnt happen to you as you would be i also don't like dickhead guys i have met my fair share...you made a mistake don't be angry at yourself its history.....we all make them....and we all meet guys that suck, they all tend to have similar traits so next time we pick them faster...yep there is a dick... and its bye bye to that....smilin..hugs to ya....deb 1
Author grace_76 Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 They get the number just in the event they want to sleep with you again. "Hey it's me. Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner, just been crazy busy. Anyway, I was thinking of going to this bar tonight, maybe you can come and we'll have some drinks? :-)" seriously? girls go for that??????? not that im in a position to make comments about self respect but jeez.
MrCastle Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 seriously? girls go for that??????? not that im in a position to make comments about self respect but jeez. Yes they do. You'd be surprised what works on you girls
Author grace_76 Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 I didnt want to make you feel more naive or sorry for me i dealt with it, just wanted to say you were lucky actually that it didnt happen....and i for one am so glad it didnt happen to you as you would be i also don't like dickhead guys i have met my fair share...you made a mistake don't be angry at yourself its history.....we all make them....and we all meet guys that suck, they all tend to have similar traits so next time we pick them faster...yep there is a dick... and its bye bye to that....smilin..hugs to ya....deb oh i know you werent trying to make me feel more stupid or sorry for you or anything, it just puts it into perspective thats all. im suprised at the amount of dickheads that are around. im losing faith in humanity a little bit haha.x
LittlePrince Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 i wasnt expecting a call. i just dont understand why/how guys can do this, be so persistent, exchange pleasantries, sort of make you feel like the rude/ cold person, and then when you actually make contact with them after they insisted on swapping numbers..ignore you! whats the point? just so i feel like an idiot? The point is options to add to their little black book in case of a dry period. Wasn't it obvious? 2
Author grace_76 Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 Yes they do. You'd be surprised what works on you girls i look forward to ignoring the message.
Author grace_76 Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 The point is options to add to their little black book in case of a dry period. Wasn't it obvious? no. i guess i have too much faith in you people?
MrCastle Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 I'm just mad that I'm never that mistake. Ahh, maybe some day
LittlePrince Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 no. i guess i have too much faith in you people? What people? I have never done anything of this sort.
Author grace_76 Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 I'm just mad that I'm never that mistake. Ahh, maybe some day haha, you dont want to be that guy! remain good!
LittlePrince Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 haha, you dont want to be that guy! remain good! Why? It does him no favors.
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