still really depressed over it..

[riot_chick]

i was in a brief relationship with a guy i had met online..we had talked on the phone every day for a month and a half and then one early morning in september,he decided to surprise me at my house...it was kind of a strange situation because he was drunk when he showed up but i let that go and just figured he could sober up while we talk and stuff,we ended up kissing on my front porch and then he asked me to go to his house. well lets just say,he was a completely different person in person! he was stand offish and cold n he barely talked to me or showed any feelings during the 2 days i spent with him. we cuddled a little bit but even that felt cold. i just couldnt understand what was going wrong because i was being my complete self but it still felt awkward. well anyway,he waited til i got home the next day then he called me on the phone and said that he just wanted to be friends because hes moving to another state. i was crushed. since then ive found out that hes apparently engaged to some other girl that he knew for 6 months prior to talking to me..ive talked to him a few times since our breakup and its all just ended up in us fighting more or less. he thinks im a liar so he refuses to talk to me now. i just have so many different emotions about the situation. im angry that he broke it off with me for no apparent reason..and then to find out that hes engaged is just the cherry on top of everything. plus other things in my life have just been completely going downhill for me so i pretty much just mope around all day feeling insecure and depressed. i feel like alot of those feelings have to do with him leaving me. and especially me not knowing what i did for him to leave i just really was hoping for a future with him..honestly i just feel so ugly inside now. i miss talking to him til 3 in the morning and always just having somebody there for me. i was talkin to a friend today and shes even noticed that i havent been the same since he hurt me. its been 2 months and i just cant get over it. whats wrong with me? I want to go out and date other people but i feel like i cant do it until i get over andrew. theres this guy that works at the local smoke shop and he was flirting with me the other day..he was just so kind and he made me feel great about myself even when i felt my worst but of course,i just had my ex,andrew's voice in the back of my head telling me that i cant move on. i seriously just dont know wat to do. i wanna be happy and i wanna be over him.